Anger

Post Reply New Topic

What I would wonder: What makes those bunnies killers? And what makes the hand-grenades holy?

A journal might not be a bad idea, actually. Exercising is always good, provided it's done in moderation.

I deleted the post. I wasn’t sure if people would find it funny.

Over my life I have been physically and psychologically abused by my peer group. As a result I abhor destructive criticism. This includes any voices that may rattle around in my head. But I am open to constructive criticism. So if I am angry, I may put the past under a magnifying glass to analyze it to determine if there are any lessons to be learned. Then I let the anger dissolve away. I live my life for the future and never the past.

Last edited by jimmy m on 07 Aug 2018, 8:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don’t think they’d really care as long as I wasn’t able to truly make them pay.

Sumpin to do with your parents? And/or your religious upbringing?

Religious upbringing and abusive situations. Together it was the perfect storm.

Above you say this was from religious upbringing/abusive situations (parents?). The parent part I can relate to. I have almost no relationship with mine. A few months ago I also moved to a new place, after living for about 9 months with a crazy, cluster B-type woman I was seeing. She basically wanted to get me out of the nice, neat, organized apartment I had and see what things in my life she could take away. She lives to punish people. So I've had to kind of rebuild my life. When I told my dad about this, he just laughed. My brother doesn't really care about something unless it's about him. And my mom I haven't talked to in years because she's way worse than this lady I was with.

Aside from learning to feel my feelings, journaling a lot helped (this helps express the emotions while just feeling them). I've also had to learn to not see my life as what it "should" be. I feel like that's an easy trap to fall into for people here. We get an image of society, men, women, family, etc., which isn't really true for us. It's easy to feel like we should live up to some NT image of happiness and fulfillment (something which makes them pretty miserable, too). I've had to look hard at what I really want, rather than what I think I should want. That helped immensely. I only have the freedom to be who I am. I wish I had better parents--a very understandable, universal desire--but the reality is many parents suck. I think most don't even particularly like children--they just like their idea of children. So I've looked at how I was the parent in my house, and that's a reflection on my parents' weakness and my strength. It wasn't fun or pretty, but it hasn't killed me. If I hang onto what they should've been, I'll be angry forever, locked in a war with them that I can't win. If I accept that they're just angry children who can buy adult clothes, and I'm the reliable one, I'm happier. And I'm accepting reality. Maybe that will help you. All real therapy and healing is just accepting reality. Anything else is a mental game. Either way, I wish you the best. Sometimes, life seems to get more confusing as you get older, but often we're just not looking closely at the situation right around us.

Agree. Anger is energy. I channel it into physical labor like cleaning or yard work. If I’m angry at a human, I might write a letter that I don’t send. After I’m done, I rip it up.

That sounds like a good idea. The house could use a good cleaning...

I also like to berate inanimate objects. Before I begin weeding, I might say aloud to the weeds “There’s a new sherriff in town.” Then I imagine the weeds as my enemies as I pull them out of the ground.

I grew up in the country & I’m easily amused.

Yes, there have been things that I've become upset over especially when the approach I've considered would actually work but, no one takes notice of it from me until somewhere down the line said notion is actually put into practice..I try to understand that there are times when anger does have it's legitimate place;whereas, in other instances it's complete unneeded and is more of a cancerous growth within said environment

One thing that I did want to mention on this topic is do not let your anger "own" you. It is good to release it once and a while at the right point in time, but do not let it control your life (i.e. ideas of revenge, violence, etc.). I went down that road years ago due to severe bullying and it was not a fun trip to be on.

I try now to be constructive with my anger, using it as motivational fuel to get things done that I have been lax on doing. You would be amazed how much cleaner my apartment gets once I blow off some pent up steam. But, there is a catch. Too much anger released at once unlocks a different side of my creativity and I start unintentionally walking on that road again.

I can relate. I am always angry, at least in part. Subconsciously I let it come out in different ways like breaking something cheap, reacting to annoying stuff in the news, or criticizing the bad music we have to listen to at work. (Does anyone still need to hear the 'Flashdance' theme in 2018?) But the reality is that I'm pretty much angry at the world. I realized in my early teens that I had inherited my father's temper and that if I didn't find ways of controlling myself, I would end up just like him. While he took out his anger on his family, I learned to let it off in short, harmless bursts so that it doesn't overwhelm me. On a really bad day, I listen to angry music like death metal. It reminds me there are people out there who understand how I feel, at least partially.

You need to get to where you are not constantly dwelling on the wrong that was done to you, gain some distance or perspective on it. How to do that?

First, I have never been much on affirmations but one that has helped me tremendously over the past several years is to repeat to myself, in a loud internal voice, I Now Release The Past. Especially when I would find myself mulling over it again.

Second, while its too much to ask to simply forgive the people who wronged you, set a goal of thinking less negatively of them, to the point where your thoughts of them are neutral, neither negative or positive.

Third, get outdoors and get plenty of exercise, especially cardio. I used to gain great insight in the middle of a 30-mile road biking jaunt. While your physical systems are in overdrive, your brain is revved up too. This will let you understand such things as where the people were coming from, what their motivation was, why they acted the way they did, and so on.

Hopefully these will let you avoid the continuous re-hashing and be able to move on with your life in a more productive frame of mind.

My husband remembers every hurt, cements it in stone, and recalls it like it was yesterday. I'm talking about stuff that happened when he was 7.

I guess, what are you getting out of the anger? My husband has a very black and white sense of right and wrong. So his anger is about s**t things people did to him.

He asked me why don't I feel angry about the past. My past has been a dumpater fire.

1. What good does it do? No one has figured out time travel to right the wrong.

2. The person (if something happened in elementary school), doesn't remember, and why do I want to hand over that much emotional energy to a ghost?

3. Wasting time on the past wrongs kills the here and now. We are only guaranteed right now, the moment. I want to live in the present and not rehash the past.

I'm reading a book, "How to Unf*ck Your Mind". I've gotten more put of this book than some therapists. I got the Kindle version on Amazon. Part of it deals with handling past traumas. I'm working on not rehashing the past and making it fresh. It's hard because that is my husband's default coping skill.

HTH

Yep....cogitating on the past certainly is toxic.