Lesson #1: Why were you bullied?

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I was bullied often when I was about 7 - 15 years old. I was strange, I had stupid behaviors. I was afraid of pain or injury due to bullying (or - better said - school mobbing), so bullies (mobbers) could have fun of me. My social ineptitude (such as not thinking about eye contact) might have also influence on bullies. I had quite atypical interests (such as road signs) when I was younger, in elementary school.
I was also a bully to single girls, which was evil and I regret it.

Very interesting thread this, and for the record I think this kind of analysis is good and in an ideal world could be used to help children on the spectrum understand and deal better with social situations.

Most of us who have experienced long term bullying will have thought long and hard about why people do the things they do and why we don’t understand it.

The reason why I was bullied is quite easy to answer. I moved to a rural town in a new state right after fifth grade. That made me a new kid in school (strike one). I have always been overweight with a big frame (strike two). Although I tried my best to hide my high IQ, the bullies figured it out and put me in the nerd classification (strike three). There were more reasons (weak social skills, shyness, etc.), but those are the big three.

The town that I moved to has a history of violence towards those deemed "outsiders". This happens at all levels, from the grade school to the retirement village. To be in the "in" crowd, you not only had to be born there, but your family had to have direct connections with at least one of the seven major families that started that town. Then there was a money issue added on. Your family had to have a large farm (1000+ acres) or an equivalent about of property/wealth before you were deemed to be a member of the cool. My family had neither, so that added to the problem. If you had one of those but not the other, you were considered an outsider. It did not matter if you lived there your entire life, you just did not fit into their way of existence. It was also one of the most racist places that I have every had the displeasure of being in.

I have written a portion of what happened to me there in another post and do not like to relive those memories. They greatly shaped how I thought back then and that still influences me when I am angry (my dark side). Time will never fully heal the damage they caused me. The worst part of this issue is that I am not alone on how I feel about this particular hellhole on Earth. I have met several people who were treated much the same way there. As time passes, it always stays the same, just the players change. My bullies have aged much faster than me, some have even died by their own hands. But for me, it is still a breeding ground of hate. My wish is to simply outlive all them.

Let's just say I found out most reasons why.

One is simple -- simply because I'm different. Anyone here could summarize this. Yet, except, I never tried hiding my own differences even if I have the means to.

I wasn't bullied for being new, more like I was bullied for having me known.
I transfered trice -- I was bullied because there's already another bully 'knowing' me, and do the same modus all over again.
This is why after my worst years was my best school years; because no one knew me.


Second is more or less the opposite of not fighting back -- being easily provoked. Of course plenty did regret it.
People didn't blamed me for it -- people figured I never start trouble.
On top of that, I'm a girl. If I were a boy, I'd get scold just as equally or worse.

Even kids older than me are afraid of me. Some kids resort for having me as an escort of sorts to ward bullies and their fears off.


Third would mostly be the lack of self awareness, no matter how one sees it or use it for a term.

Unlike most bully victims, I spent most of my childhood warding other kids' fears, seeking 'freedom' from the need of safety, and finding ways to get away with being different -- inside and outside school.
Lol, no. I was just so immature, perhaps more immature than most aspies. Fear or no fear, my only conclusion is fight back. It could be pride as well.
It helped that I was born more physically capable than most kids, less fussier than most females.

I got plenty praises of being academically smart, I just didn't believed them because I kept associating intelligence with diligence.
In my current culture, there is no such thing as 'nerds'. And smart students are usually respected for it, not bullied for it.
Didn't knew I had above average IQ until at age 14. I didn't knew things that were easy for me were usually hard for others. I didn't knew I'm more than just being odd.

Never did 'bottle things up'. I convey my worst. So I broke things and hurt people out of that expression.


Perhaps fourth reason is because I want to be alone.
So choosing to be alone, means I'm an easy target, despite having allies and some friends? Well, like the first reason above, I didn't mask my differences despite having the means to.
I might as well find a hideout or some place -- except I didn't. I would rather roam free alone.

But that also drove me out was the fact that I just want to be left alone -- away from friends and enemies, and I barely had that. So I never joined any clichés, never joined a gang, never joined any group really.
Even further back before entering kinder, never sought friends, and never tried to make any enemies. All I do was react if that person is nice or not.

Another thing that drove me away was the mind games people play.
Could be fear, could be just being an aspie, could be incompetence -- the only way I could avoid being tricked and manipulated is never trust anyone.



The bottom line is that the main reason why I got bullied is overall because I'm immature -- in more ways than one, and likely related to most of the curse that autism gave me.
Than say, 'lack of practice' or 'lack of exposure'. I didn't grew up deprived or sheltered. I wasn't excluded or isolated either.
Or misguidance -- anyone tried to teach me, I just ignored them. No matter how ill or well intent one could be.

If I were an NT, I would've been worse than a bully.

If I were an aspie with more maturity during my childhood, I may be just as cautious as most aspies towards bullies.
The way I'd defend myself would be very different, I may even choose to mask my differences and vocalize more about being bullied.
I may join any clichés, even if I were just as fearless towards other fears.
I may even able to ignore provocations and be tolerant on their noises.
I may even make a pose and surround myself with things I don't want anything to do with at the cost of the want to be alone.

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Working class 'blue collar' European based immigrant mannerisms (I say this instead of the derogatory words I feel impulsed to say) was the reason for which I feel I was bullied.

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