Anybody almost entirely alone on purpose?

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My neighbors think I'm depressed. When there are the unavoidable conversations, I try to work in what I good time I had by the local riverside park that day, and things like that. I talk about how majestic the river is when it's full, and how beautiful the sunlight is sparkling on the ripples.

This discussion has reminded me that some conversations can be interesting. If I ever find intelligent people who do some of the same things I do, I may indulge. Not a lot, though. Keeps it fresh.

I'm past the age of working. I get Social Security every month (in the US) and with some money I got from my marriage and from my deceased parents, I can live a quite tolerable lifestyle that well-off people would be horrified by. TV is antenna only, tiny 6 year old car, no expensive habits, etc.

Some of the people in this discussion are also older. Maybe life experience is one thing that brings people to this decision. I trust that decision more because I've been around people a lot for many years. I've racked up a lot of experiences with disappointments, deceptions, rejections, cruelty, and one really wrenching instance of someone I thought would be in my life forever just walking away. And I've seen people go unwillingly, slowly dying while I just had to watch.

To continue in another paragraph, I've had people suck up a lot of my time because they wanted to talk, talk, talk and rarely listen. I've had people criticize me when I wasn't doing anything wrong, and keep at it for years about the same things even though I asked them to stop. I've listened to people complain about other people for an hour at a time, over and over, month after month.

There comes a point, with me and probably others, when you get tired of being manipulated by those excessive talkers. More than that, maybe, you think that people are often deceitful, and even if they aren't they can just change and not want you, or move away and drift out of your life, and of course they're mortal, and you look for something more reliable for the foundation of your life.

I work as a security analyst, i could in theory sit in my room and write reports/program all day and have almost no interaction with coworkers. During weekends i can stay in my apartment the whole time.

I scored rock bottom on the WAIS social meter. I have little need for social interaction.

I like being completely alone for at least some of the time, though I've not been able to achieve it 100% because I don't have a detached house with a large enough private garden, soundproof windows etc. When I'm alone at home it's usually noise and smell pollution from the outside that annoys me because I'd like my isolation to be perfect with no distractions whatsoever. I also feel bothered by the anticipation of having to deal with people in the (near) future. As judged by my near-perfect isolation experiences, it's great in many respects. There are no social inconveniences to deal with. I can do pretty much whatever I like, in my own time and at my own speed. I have nobody to blame for being uncomfortable except myself. There's nobody's feelings to take into account, it's essentially impossible to do anything immoral because there's nobody but myself to harm, no expectations, obligations or duties.

But I'm not an asocial animal at all, and I'd hate to think I was stuck with that lifestyle indefinitely. I need people. True, I find them hard to live with in many ways, but living without them only works for a limited time. My ideal would probably be to have a switch so I could put everybody on pause at will. Failing that, I have to strike the best compromise I can between isolation and social overload. It's a messy compromise full of practical problems, not the least of which is that other people have their own needs for their space and for my company, which won't necessarily fit well with my own needs.

I still much prefer the simplicity of one-on-one social encounters, because that's still the best compromise I know between being alone and somebody being with me. With the right person, such as my (very likely) autistic partner, I can and have gone from almost complete isolation to being practically walled up alive with her for months on end. It's not without its stress and strain, but considering the enormous change between those two states, it works incredibly well and we've never been reduced to attacking each other. We do see other people sometimes, and as long as we both particularly want to then it feels good, though even then it's not a thing I can maintain for very long.

For me, isolation is basically just a necessary evil rather than my true element. It's rather like touch is for a person with irritable skin - emotionally the touch is very much wanted but physically it can get very uncomfortable. I still have a strong social drive and the only things that keep me from fulfilling it are practical problems resulting from my own brain wiring.

Living with family, but I am and always have been reclusive by choice. When I wasn't in school (by force), I was usually home engrossed in my interests. Now that I am unemployed and have all the time in the world to do what I want and never have to be around people, my life is as close to perfect as it can get.

The only people I need are loved ones. I'm asocial apart from 4 people, 2 of whom are dead. I have no need for anyone else, I never feel or have felt the need for friends or romance, and I am VERY easily overwhelmed by interactions, including the limited interactions on here.

I have always been happiest when I have been able to be my naturally reclusive self and be on my own/with loved ones and do what I want. I'm also the born couch potato.

I don't waste money on eating out; it's expensive, and making my own food I can have it my own way and far cheaper and much nicer.

Oh god yes, eating out Why do so many mainstreamers insist that paying through the nose for a private company to feed them is essential for good social interaction? And does anybody think a business is going to source their ingredients and define their cooking procedures according to healthy standards, when everything goes on behind closed doors and they've got cash books to balance? And why would I want to even try to have a relaxed conversation with friends with the clamour of strangers yattering all around me? But tell all that to the average Joe and they'll likely just think you're awkward, self-centred and weird.

There are some things that can make it worth eating out besides being on the road and far from home.

For example, there are some foods that I love that I can never get right. Lamb is one example. And Chinese Pressed Duck is out of the question. (See https://www.cooksinfo.com/cantonese-pressed-duck.)

Also, there are foods that I can't easily cook one portion. It can cost more to cook the food, much of which will be wasted unless I eat the rest as leftovers for days afterwards. A smoked brisket is a good example of this.

And some that I just don't know how to make.

That said, I eat out less than once a week, on average.

Once my kids move out, I imagine my life will be similar. I'm still married, but currently I have just one friend I see a couple of times a month. My wife is very sociable but her friends exhaust me, so I never see them. And she's in other countries 75% of the time anyway. If she ever wises up and leaves me, I'll be pretty much solo.

compared to being a social butterfly, it is far easier to be a hermit out in the sticks, UNTIL ONE NEEDS HELP.

We had our Christmas Dinner at noon on Christmas Eve.

It was pretty crowded inside so I took my food outside and ate sitting at an outdoor table. It was a bit cool, but not close to being real cold. The only issue was that my food got cold pretty quickly.

By the way, on Christmas, I only talked to one person and that was for a total of about 5 minutes.

I would say I'm mostly alone and mostly on purpose. I have some good friends at arm's length, some I talk to by phone 1000+ miles away. I'm not a ceremonial creature; my thoughts are not most persons' thoughts.

I don't like it being necessary.

Beats the alternatives, and it can be pretty good, every now and then.

Telecommute

"Thanks to the amount of time I spend alone, I'm on intimate terms with myself. I have a running internal dialogue that informs my life, my writing, my relationships. I observe and absorb the world around me. I'm good at being alone. The sense of inner security this creates is one of the hidden gifts of Asperger's."
-- from "Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate: The User's Guide to Asperger's Syndrome"

I just read this paragraph today and it hit home for me. With a family, I now have very little time truly alone aside from time at my desk at work. But I recall in my 20s I would sometimes have days at a time I could be completely by myself at home. Free to to pursue my interests and passions. Free to sleep 12 hours if I needed it to recharge. And I cannot even express with words how my mind was clear during those times. There really was a peace and happiness, and the lowest anxiety one can ever feel. I would sometimes go out for 50-100 mile bike rides taking the better part of a day. I recall the awkward feeling of having to go to a take-out restaurant and having to order food. Or having to call the order in ahead of time! But I had to eat and some of that food was greasy and delicious

But I couldn't have done it *all* the time. I did get lonely. I really wanted someone to share my life with. I can certainly appreciate the desire to be alone, though.

Life is far more complicated and tougher now. My anxiety is much higher than in my 20s and certainly don't have that clear mind and sense of peace I used to be able to find. But I do find happiness in my family and seeing my kids grow, as well as what I accomplish professionally (which is also my alone time for the most part).

Ten toed sloth

Strangers on the internet do not know if you are doing enough to engage your brain, to prevent dementia

The risk of dementia does not go from zero.to a hundred. More like 15% to 16% , . (For example)

Dementia has other risk factors

Besides , in my experience "most people" won't shut their trap.

They act like every thought and emotion that goes through their head is the latest greatest scientific invention.


They have nothing profound or original to offer

Social interaction has some benefit. Safety in numbers. Emotional support. Personal favor


But sometimes, friends become enemies at the slightest "miscommunications"

And some friends are not worth the energy it takes to interact with them


Thus far, almost all former friends have dumped me.

They "helped" me one teaspoon. They "hurt" me one gallon. For years


If you have the skill and desire for social relationship, that's one thing

Otherwise, "life" goes on without them