‘mother hen friends’ (or father?)

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^ wow you are so thoughtful !

(.......continued)
I'm still not sure whether hierarchy does more harm than good or whether it's the other way round. I think many people develop a suspicion of authority because their guardians let them down which makes them mindful of the fact that authority is fallible. I read something once that said "our children start by loving and trusting us. When they grow up, if we're lucky, they forgive us." Adolescence is also often characterised by a rebellion phase when the teenager strives to wrest control from the guardians and establish themselves as a person in their own right. Perhaps, though, a big factor is just the asocial nature of many ASDers. The idea seems to be that ASDers will have little problem obeying an authority if the command makes sense to them, but not otherwise. In my own case it's quite correct that I defer to people only when I can personally see the point, even if the only point is that the authority might harm me if I disobey, in which case I'll obey, but then I tend to feel that if the boot should ever be on the other foot then I'll make sure they rue the day they violated my autonomy. It strikes me that autonomy may be very central to the functioning of many ASDers and that may be part of the explanation as to why we're so averse to being bossed round without good reason.

I don't know much about neurology and I've no idea how brain wiring can lead to the difference. I've often observed that I feel more like a cat (who seems very reluctant to obey anybody) than a dog (who can be trained to go to a lot of trouble to please the trainer), and I know that dogs hunt in packs while cats are solitary hunters. That points towards some kind of evolutionary explanation, and maybe somebody who knew about the brain wiring of those animals could see something in the differences that pointed to a brain wiring explanation.

Sorry about having to split my post into 2 parts - somebody's put a very buggy anti-spamming program called Cloudflare into WP, and as a result this is the only way I can post sometimes.

If smthing doesnt make logical sense even with my ‘mother’ type friends, I wd always go with my own will.

I mean the general comfort of knowing u have a nurturing, caring n non judgemental, sincere friend, .. and becausevthey are sincere n understand me they give me tons of guidance n advice n reassurance bcuz they KNOW i cannot go without it.

I am not like your patan friend at all despite being frm the same culture which makes me think he prob doesnt have asd
I disowned the arbitrary, senseless n baseless parts of my culture n tht in itself was a brave thing to do. I was brainwashed or inexperienced before, but the second i trult realized whay was happening i stepped away.

N it took a ton of work n i fought fr it

I really only have 3 friends. None of them I would consider to be mother hens. With that being said, I have had people who don't know me that much act like that towards me, like therapists and stuff. They'll use a soft, motherly voice and call me "honey" or "dear". They'll help me with things without being asked, and I guess treat me like a child. I found it odd at first, but I guess they sense my childlike nature.

You just described my life. My best friend is ten years older than me, and is the epitome of a mother hen. I like it from her because it feels safe and reassuring. When my sister, who's four years younger than me tries it though, it's just demeaning and frustrating. She means well, but it rubs me the wrong way.

I'm sorry if I step into this conversation unannounced to tell bad news but many of the posts in this thread referring to a "mother hen" figure, are actually describing abusive relationships.

Abusive people generally like the kinds they can manipulate, boss around and torture verbally. It's true that many people in this world need a guiding figure around but the friends you are describing don't really sound like the kind who care about you.

I advice you to stay away from those people.

I know abuse and normal friendship ive had both

The ones I mean are the ones who know i need help esp bcuz i ask fr it constsntly n dont mind guiding n supporting n advising

They r respectful enough to keep their mouths shut unless they know i want their thoughts n guidancd