How do you react to 'social rejection'?

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jifmam j jasond
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03 May 2019, 10:37 pm

I find it devastating to the point i don't reach out for fear of rejection . it isn't worth the inevitable anguish.



auntblabby
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03 May 2019, 10:42 pm

i haven't got the energy to be bothered by it, it has been that way all my life.



Benjamin the Donkey
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04 May 2019, 11:34 am

Aside from a small number of people I like and respect, I have no interest in what people think of me. I don't like most if them, either.


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MagicMeerkat
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04 May 2019, 6:21 pm

I actually kind of expect it. All my supposed "friends" as a kid would abandon me if they weren't in the same class as me the next year...and sometimes even if they were in the same class with me. That kind of thing seriously messes you up as a child.

I was home-schooled since the 5th grade and everyone else in my short lived home school co-op were boys who already had existing friends and ignored me anyway. And I think it would have been the same way if my mom actively perused or started a co-op for girls. By then I had given up with the whole "friend" thing anyway. Had I met my boyfriend in person as opposed to online, I probably would have scared him off.


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breaks0
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04 May 2019, 10:56 pm

MagicMeerkat wrote:
I actually kind of expect it. All my supposed "friends" as a kid would abandon me if they weren't in the same class as me the next year...and sometimes even if they were in the same class with me. That kind of thing seriously messes you up as a child.

I was home-schooled since the 5th grade and everyone else in my short lived home school co-op were boys who already had existing friends and ignored me anyway. And I think it would have been the same way if my mom actively perused or started a co-op for girls. By then I had given up with the whole "friend" thing anyway. Had I met my boyfriend in person as opposed to online, I probably would have scared him off.


So I'm happy for you that you have a partner, that's great. I assume it helps you now at least sometimes, especially if you don't have alot of friends.

But color me totally confused b/c this raises another big issue, which I simply don't understand. And I know this probably belongs on the dating/relationships board, but how on Earth did you get a romantic partner if this type of social rejection is an issue for you? I've seen this in many posts mainly from women on WP that they often have few social connections, but they have a partner and I know it might have something to do w/the different ways men and women cope w/their ASD (and in this case the issue of social rejection) and basically it's at least partly b/c women are generally more mature than men. And that may be more pronounced among ASD people than among NT's. But I just don't understand how you were able to achieve that b/c to me having someone you're romantic, intimate, sexual, etc with takes a higher level of skill, flexibility and mutual attraction/interest between not one, but two people. And it's f*****g hard, hard as hell especially for ASD people to do!

I'm not trying to be critical, so I apologize in advance if it sounds that way, but women w/ASD at least on WP who throw out the line "my partner/bf/husband helps w/such and such". And it's almost like a throw away line, like they think nothing of it. And at least in my experience, it's anything but. I clearly have alot of crap in my own life to work through, but I'm desperate to find a partner, just as I'm desperate for alot more friends, especially NT's. How the hell did you do it?



MagicMeerkat
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05 May 2019, 8:21 am

breaks0 wrote:
MagicMeerkat wrote:
I actually kind of expect it. All my supposed "friends" as a kid would abandon me if they weren't in the same class as me the next year...and sometimes even if they were in the same class with me. That kind of thing seriously messes you up as a child.

I was home-schooled since the 5th grade and everyone else in my short lived home school co-op were boys who already had existing friends and ignored me anyway. And I think it would have been the same way if my mom actively perused or started a co-op for girls. By then I had given up with the whole "friend" thing anyway. Had I met my boyfriend in person as opposed to online, I probably would have scared him off.


So I'm happy for you that you have a partner, that's great. I assume it helps you now at least sometimes, especially if you don't have alot of friends.

But color me totally confused b/c this raises another big issue, which I simply don't understand. And I know this probably belongs on the dating/relationships board, but how on Earth did you get a romantic partner if this type of social rejection is an issue for you? I've seen this in many posts mainly from women on WP that they often have few social connections, but they have a partner and I know it might have something to do w/the different ways men and women cope w/their ASD (and in this case the issue of social rejection) and basically it's at least partly b/c women are generally more mature than men. And that may be more pronounced among ASD people than among NT's. But I just don't understand how you were able to achieve that b/c to me having someone you're romantic, intimate, sexual, etc with takes a higher level of skill, flexibility and mutual attraction/interest between not one, but two people. And it's f*****g hard, hard as hell especially for ASD people to do!

I'm not trying to be critical, so I apologize in advance if it sounds that way, but women w/ASD at least on WP who throw out the line "my partner/bf/husband helps w/such and such". And it's almost like a throw away line, like they think nothing of it. And at least in my experience, it's anything but. I clearly have alot of crap in my own life to work through, but I'm desperate to find a partner, just as I'm desperate for alot more friends, especially NT's. How the hell did you do it?


It doesn't bother me when people suddenly reject me for no apparent reason. I just expect it.

We met online, and had simliar interests and weren't all "Hey do you want to be my boyfriend/girlfriend? Despite the fact I litteraly just met you?" Similar interests played a major role.


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betty_ferret
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05 May 2019, 8:53 am

I usually end up torturing myself for a tad bit, I'll ask myself, "What is so f*****g wrong with me?" And then I remember that I have ferrets who don't give a weasel's bottom if I'm socially acceptable or not. I suppose I am lucky. Maybe you should get a ferret...



MagicMeerkat
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05 May 2019, 12:57 pm

betty_ferret wrote:
I usually end up torturing myself for a tad bit, I'll ask myself, "What is so f*****g wrong with me?" And then I remember that I have ferrets who don't give a weasel's bottom if I'm socially acceptable or not. I suppose I am lucky. Maybe you should get a ferret...



My dog and bearded dragon were my BEST friends. I want a ferret but my mom says no because they "stink". Only if fed the wrong thing or a fish based diet. The one I had as a kid ate dollar store cat food (no commercially available ferret food at the time) and when ferret food did become available, the kind we got for our's was Marshall's, a brand which has a high fish content.


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nick007
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05 May 2019, 3:28 pm

I've been rejected since I started going to skewl. I didn't mind the rejection nearly as much as I minded the bullying. I much rather just be rejected than bullied physically & emotionally. I deal with the simple rejection by retreating inwards inside myself. I never had much interest in social stuff & I tend to much rather do my own things instead. I never had a high interest in making friends thou I don't mind having good true 1s so simply being rejected socially doesn't really bother me much. However I hated being rejected romantically. I had a HIGH desire for a romantic realtionship after my 1st one fell apart. She was the 1st person I felt I could relate to & be myself with. Being rejected by other women & not even being able to get a single date made me feel like totally worthless sh!t. I know I do have my issues & problems but I believe most anyone would like me in the romantic sense if they would just be willing to give me a real chance & put forth a little effort into making the relationship work instead of things being entirely one-sided. I do have a girlfriend now who I'm happy with for the most part & feel like she gets me but I HATED the being single & looking for 8 years.


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