Having eye contact

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Having to make eye contact with other people has always made me very uncomfortable, but I don't really know why. Despite that I try to force myself to make at least occasional eye contact with certain people, like doctors and my parents. I don't mind and can enjoy making eye contact with animals and toddlers/babies, though.

I have not felt easy with eye contact other than family members. If there are any cute guys with piercing blue eyes, or hazel, etc I would notice far away or from a photo, but if I ever got to talk to them it would not change my behavior and make me look at them in the eyes. I'd pick up more on the nose, or mouth if I got to talk to them.

Metaphorically, I do feel related to the Lone-Wolf in the image below who has eye contact with himself in the water. Not that I'm looking into the water, but being spiritually conclave with myself does feel like eye contact, with my eyes turned 180 degrees, and looking inward.

@ Little Red Riding Hood. I'm a Lone Wolf, but one that doesn't eat people, don't worry.

A lot of this sounds pretty familiar. When I was in high school, there were several people who thought I was hard of hearing because I always looked at people's mouth when they were talking. For most of my life, I have masked really hard, even from myself, and eye contact was an important part. I was never quite sure why I was SO PROUD of myself for making and holding eye contact, but I was.
It turned out, as I heard from several people over the last couple years, that I was in some cases seen as being "aggressive" and "forcing eye contact". Odd, something that people say that they want, something that people will get angry about with "LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!" sort of comments, but when I do it, they would get uncomfortable. I've been told that I can have an "intense stare," among other things. One person accused me of looking at them "the way a tiger would look at a steak." I was just trying to do the thing I'm apparently supposed to do, but likely was trying way too hard and the struggle was showing.
Now I'm much less likely to even try. I'm trying to become more comfortable with myself, and I also see what a life lived in a mask has done for, and to, me (the subconscious one, I kinda like my bandannas.) I just don't make eye contact if I don't feel like it, at least after the initial subconscious "YOU MUST YOU MUST YOU MUST" moment passes. I still have the subconscious mask until I consciously take it off. That's getting a little easier, but it's still early in my "Oh, THAT'S what's going on..." part of my journey.

I look mainly at the face as a whole with a focus on the nose and mouth and people seem not to notice the lack of eye contact or at least don't comment on it. I do this not just because I don't like eye contact but because I can read mouths a lot better than eyes. I like making eye contact with animals.

I find eye contact very difficult. I either look away or look at the person's mouth. I find I look at the mouth to try to decipher what is being said. And I do this IRL or in movies.

What would I see if there is no glass on the inside of spectacle lenses to look out, but a mirror to look at your eyes. Yes, some ugly eyes with wrinkles and crow's feet in my case, but I don't mean that. In any case, it would be quite difficult to drive a car, or to race through a supermarket with a trolley. Tapping this message would also go even less smoothly than is normally already the case. So I don't know if they exist, glasses and mirrors on the inside. But it seems to me a special experiment how my mind will take shape when it constantly looks at its own viewers. I think that people with autism have a strong look inside there own mind without mirrors on the inside of the glasses.

There are times I might actually overcompensate for eye-contact with trusted, friendly people -yet most of the time, eye contact is handled "just right!"

Peacock butterflies have eyes on their fragile wings. Would a peacock butterfly know that it has eyes in its wings, and if it does, it can see them for itself? I don't have the consciousness of a butterfly, but that a peacock eye is aware of its eyes seems minimal to me. Day peacock contains the words eye & peacock, a peacock has wings just like a day peacock, but an adult male peacock has a lot more eyes than a day peacock.
It seems to me that a peacock is aware of its intimidating wings, in addition to flying through those wings, it can also show its Indian dress as a windbreak. Impressing at enemies, but those eyes in his wings will also impress females, at least, I suspect both have something of an evolutionary cause. Impressing has advantages, but to flee from enemies who can easily eat a peacock for breakfast, those enormous wings and slow maneuverability will also be a disadvantage. Then you can see 100 eyes, I like you raw, a fox or a wolf will think to itself. Perhaps a peacock's minimal flying power offers some relief in escaping the jaws of a fox or wolf. Eye contact is not only an issue in humans to humans, but in all animals it is present, with the exception of moles underground. I've been staring at this screen for over fifteen minutes now, and I don't see a single human eye.
I actually like that best. When I went on vacation before the corona era, I sometimes ended up in an internet cafe. There, as now, I also had contact with a screen, but I had no control that no other homo sapiens were looking at the monitor where I was viewing an email or something else. That also feels like a disturbing form of eye contact to me, the control freak in me wants to be invisible. On this Lenovo is also a webcam at the top of the screen, and on that eye of that webcam is still the sticker that has been stuck on it in the factory.
No prying eyes in my viewers, unless they are trustfull minds behind that eyes that suit me well.
James Bond would have said for-your-eyes-only.

^^^I struggle with that.

When I make eye contact with people, it makes me very uncomfortable. I experience it as a physical sensation - firstly of becoming aware of my brain. I can feel my brain in my skull. I don't think that's possible because the brain doesn't have any feeling. But that's what it seems like. If I hold eye contact, it starts to feel like my brain is being physically wrung out. Twisted and stretched. That's what it feels like to me. This intensifies until I break eye contact.

I didn't think it happened with video, but I didn't like looking at that video at all.

I tend to have pretty good eye contact, I have a weird habit of looking at people when I'm driving, especially on the freeway.

A boxer staredown is close, but the staredown from below is more close