Advice? Going to therapist.

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Aspie 1:
I haven't read through this whole thread, but I'm confused about some of your statements. Why are your parents participating in your therapy? Why do they even know your therapist? Are you a minor? (Even then, I would expect privacy and confidentiality in your treatment). Forgive me if you've already explained this, because I haven't read back very far.

I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for my trauma psychologist. Guaranteed. If you find the right therapist, the bond you form can be life changing.

My mother has never even heard of my therapist, and she certainly hasn't met him or participated in my sessions. I'm likely older than you, but at no point in my life would I have allowed that.

I was a minor at the time the therapy was done on me. (I'm in my 30's today.) I don't know how my parents found her. I do know that my mom loved her; she talked about how warm and kind she was. My dad had a more reserved reaction; he said "she seems nice". Still, she worked for my parents and not me. When I told her how strict and harsh my parents were, she didn't teach me anything on asserting myself with them. She just mocked me, by tilting her head, putting on a smile, and saying "aww, you feel sad when they treat you like that". The first time she did that, I knew she was sketchy and untrustworthy. So instead of talking to her about things that bothered me, I kept her busy with mundane throw-away issues.

Her specialty was "family therapist", which is a thinly veiled euphemism for "parents' helper". Which I was too young and stupid to realize at the time.

I'm sorry that happened. Rest assured that you are now an adult and you can seek your own care. If you receive individual counselling instead of family therapy, the focus will be on you and your therapist will always protect your best interest.

Please don't assume that all psychologists are similar to the first one you met.

I worked with my trauma psychologist almost daily for eight years before I suggested the word "autism" in 2017. He is old-school and doesn't specialise in autism, so to be honest he tried to dissuade me from an assessment, thinking it would be a needless expense. He didn't see any of the stereotypical "little boy" autistic behaviours such as hand flapping that one would imagine from Rain Man or other prototypes. Likewise, my psychiatrist said that I was "too articulate" to be autistic, which didn't make any sense considering I'm University educated, with English degrees.

I didn't let these opinions deter me and I sought my assessment elsewhere, from a PhD in Neuropsychology who specialises in adult, female ASD. My relationship with my trauma psych. continues, but we discuss trauma and not autism. That's just the way it is because it isn't his specialty. I dropped the psychiatrist because I no longer felt she was helping.

I would suggest taking as many online quizzes or self-assessments as you can, and showing these to your therapist. It's likely that they aren't the proper person to diagnose you, but with luck they will direct you to someone who can. It will likely be a long wait, but you can use that waiting period to gather your developmental history which will be required for any assessment procedure. I personally think there is considerable benefit to having a formal diagnosis. I was older than you when I had mine, and I'm glad I did. The assessment results themselves are extremely informative (I got a 20 page report on every aspect of my development).

I also recommend as I always do for women on WP, reading Samantha Craft's Unofficial Checklist for Autism (Google), and reading Sarah Hendrickx "Women and Girls with Autism Spectrum Disorder" (Amazon).

Good luck.

This is helpful reassurance for me, thanks.



This possibility is one big one that's been sticking in my head lately. I have a lot of trust for my current boss: He's been great at helping me work with my eccentricities (symptoms?) when needed. But if my boss ever changes, or if he's ever not in a position to help, I wonder if having a documented diagnosis could be valuable protection with others. I'm getting the sense that the answer is probably "maybe."



That's a valuable reminder, thanks. He definitely never seemed dismissive at all before, so that's a good sign. Maybe what I was concerned about is less him being dismissive and more him expecting me to defend my claim that I think this fits ASD. That's a totally reasonable thing for him to do, of course, but it's scary for me. Maybe it's the fear of conflict making me nervous. I should probably do some reflecting on that.



That's helpful reassurance, thanks.



You make a really important point here. I think I've been coming at this from a perspective that I need to figure this all out and then justify it to him, and I'll probably be a lot happier if I can remind myself that he's here help me figure it out.

Regarding his specialty, I'm trans, and when I first saw him years ago it was because of his specialty helping people struggling with gender identity issues and--where needed--navigating transition. In some ways my recent "Oh jeez, am I autistic and just missed that my entire life?!" feels a lot like my "Oh jeez, am I trans and just missed that my entire life?!" of years ago. In other ways I feel like this time I've moved much more quickly to "Yeah, this really makes sense to me," which is probably why I feel like I'm way off ahead of him this time.



That's definitely a common danger for me, especially when I've got an idea stuck in my head. Thanks for the reminder.



That makes a lot of sense. And worst case scenario if it doesn't work out, as IsabellaLinton hints below, I could keep going to him for gender-related stuff if I ever need support there again, and go somewhere else for these symptoms that I'm associating with autism. The stress of potentially needing to overcome that relationship going poorly is scary, but I'm probably getting ahead of myself worrying about that without evidence.



That's part of my concern: I grew up with Rain Man, and I'm definitely not that. I suspect I'm preparing myself for the possibility that since my therapist doesn't specialize in autism, he'll have the same reaction. Maybe I'm worrying more than is really justified there.



Thanks, I think the idea of just seeing another therapist for the symptoms that I'm seeing as possibly autism related didn't really occur me. Honestly the idea of navigating that socially kind of terrifies me, but I suppose I can worry about that later if it ever becomes necessary.



Oh gosh, you know, I've taken probably half a dozen online autism quizzes in the last several weeks, but it never occurred to me to print out the results and take them to him. I guess I sort of assumed that online quiz results were mostly uninteresting to professionals. Now that you mention it, though, I suppose there's probably a wide gray area between "This quiz isn't a formal clinical evaluation" and "This quiz is totally valueless." Bringing those results to him sounds like a great idea!



Wow, despite a few notable exceptions, the Craft list is uncannily on-point. Thanks! Maybe I should print that one out, too. I'll have to check out Hendrickx!



Thanks!

Having a diagnosis can provide a lot of protection against situations in which someone may try to deny you what you need because "there's no proof". I had to have a diagnosis in order to receive supports at university, as well as at work, supports without which I would have failed rapidly. It also gives me protections when dealing with first responders or law enforcement. I have meltdowns on a semi-regular basis, and they're violent and aggressive. I've had paramedics called out while I was in the middle of one at least five times, and in those situations, having a medical ID with my autism diagnosis on it made a huge difference in how they treated me. They didn't jump to the conclusion that I was psychotic or on drugs, they were careful about exposing me to sensory stimuli, and about touching me. Overall, I've found my diagnosis to be of way more help than I ever imagined it could be when I first went in search of one. I didn't even cover all the supportive services I've been able to access with my diagnosis. I always encourage everyone who suspects themselves to be autistic to do what they can to find a specialist who'll provide a thorough workup and proper diagnosis, because you never know when you're suddenly going to need it.