Do you find counselling helpful?

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I didn't find them very helpful to me. Some did me a great deal of harm. I never had any kind of diagnosis but, each time, I felt I was forced to accept less in my life. If I ever did seek a diagnosis, I would want a person who helped me overcome my weaknesses without telling me to give up on my dreams.

Some counselors wrote down everything I said

But nothing I said was on the midterm

Some counselors made remarks about my appearance, IQ, personality

Insulting "hurt"

Compliments also hurt

Compliments are still judgments


Some of them tried to manipulate me into staying at UCSD

^^ Yeah, and where else is it polite to talk about yourself for a whole hour?

Good point!

I wouldn’t be comfortable sharing such personal stuff with anyone else, either.

People should give it a try if they are considering it and see how they like it. If they don’t connect with a counselor, they can always try someone else.

I don't like to discuss my personal issues with strangers, either. I'm glad I do have friends to talk to.

This was not my experience. My assessment therapist said she was NT but that she had ND characteristics. She works exclusively with ASD adults and it was clear to me that she "got" me. She was an advocate for ASD and respected people with ASD as they are. There were no disconnects with her. My PTSD therapist? Disconnects. Numerous times I felt I had to interject: "That's a typical trait of autism, so I'm not concerned."

In my experience, it really depends on the person. Counselors/therapists have not been much of a help for me, as I'm not a very emotional person most of the time, but one of my closest friends who was diagnosed with ASD earlier this year is much more emotional than me and has benefited greatly from years worth of counseling.

The first one teached me some basics like not to judge emotions. But there were some barriers neither of us could break.
The second one was a mistake, I think she harmed me overall, pushing me the wrong direction.
The third one did a great job, not yet finished. She helped me out of insanity. My life started to make sense, thought I'm weak and tired now.

My favourite counsellor was getting loaded down with paperwork so she went private, but still sees me pro-bono. I think she learns more from me than I from her. I am amazed that mental health folks don't seem to use checklists, nor provide lists of common co-morbidities to help make sense of life changes.
As for "getting" people - even the best diagnosticians seem to be baffled by combinations of conditions, and AS is one all in itself.
I had my choice of two replacement counsellors, and was steered to the more experienced and recommended one. Every other visit was a disaster, so I quit and sought out her predecessor. She had always cared enough to bend the rules for her clients - I had her private phone number for emergencies, and she said that nobody had ever abused that privilege.

"actions speak louder than words"

"Loose lips sink ships"

Almost all counselors that I have had were idealistic and indulgent

What's so great about asking or telling me "how does that make you feel?"

Feelings are just emotions

There are five emotions and "happy" is just one of them

Then they make sympathetic noises

Or say "sorry" for things that could not possibly have been their fault

Customer service

What they tell me is not "the truth", but it is not false either

What they tell you is, not their opinion, but it could be someone else's opinion


What they tell you is, what they think you want to hear

Which is usually not what you want or need to hear

And even when it is , you realize how ridiculous it is

Like "would your ideal parents have encouraged you to take karate?"




Then the counselor would have asked my prec lil "parents" :. "would your ideal daughter have gotten a Nobel Prize in Physics, instead of a buzz cut"




Devil's advocate


Reverse psychology

I found counseling/therapy not only unhelpful, but making things worse. Including anxiety and depression. The biggest problem is that in counseling, nothing is what it seems, and everything means something else.

First off, counselors live in a dream world. If you talk about how a classmate is mistreating you or how your parents are too strict, their answer for everything is "Just nicely tell the person how you feel." Like that ever works! A bully wants you to feel bad, and strict parents don't care that you feel bad. So telling them how you feel only gives more ammo to use against you. So why, again, to counselors think it's a good idea? Are they stupid or just pretending?

Second, the ubiquitous "How did that make you feel?" question. Apparently, it's meant to "get you in touch with your feeling", rather than the therapist being too stupid to know the answer themselves. (Although, most therapists are morons to begin with.) Not only that, if you give an answer that doesn't go with the therapist's textbook training and/or personal beliefs, they won't believe you or accuse you of lying. On the other hand, if you tell them a bold-faced lie that couldn't possibly be true, they'll praise you for your, wait for it... honesty. Isn't it scary how easy it is to outsmart most therapists? All you gotta do is give an answer they're looking for, even if it's false, and they'll believe it.

Another thing: drawings tests. It looks like a mildly amusing activity meant to relax you. Wrong! It's an "analysis into your soul". Every detail will be analyzed and scrutinized. From the color red being RGB(250,10,10) instead of RGB(255,0,0) to the outlines being 1/10th of a millimeter too thick; everything out of compliance with the textbook norms will count against you. "But I'm just a bad drawer!" Doesn't matter! If it's out of compliance with the norms, it's means something's wrong with you. And you're never told the norms! Only the therapist has access to them.

Or loaded questions, like "What would you do if your saw your neighbor's house on fire?" or "What are the advantages of paperbacks over hardcovers?" Again, it's not informative Q&A; it's a mind game! Everything you say and do while answering the question, from your word choice to involuntary twitches due to an itch, can count against you, if it's out of compliance with textbook norms. And you're never told the norms! Only the therapist has access to them.

Oh, and remember: if you're a minor, therapists/counselors are NOT your friends. They're not there to help you. Family therapists are actually there to help your parents. School counselors are actually there to help your school system. Both only pretend to be your friend. If you must see one, be very careful: don't tell them anything you wouldn't want people in charge finding out.

So, the only helpful counseling is the kind you stay away from.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 02 Jun 2019, 11:42 am, edited 2 times in total.

Overall yes, most things are good and a few bad. She does CBT and specialized in working with ASD.

Good: I can tell her about a conflict and she can help me understand what other people are thinking and with the words to say to them. She lessened my anxiety by being someone to talk to about it, and with helping me to understand what emotions I'm feeling and why. And she encourages me to be myself within reason (understands that you have to mask occupationally).

Bad: I'm not allowed to use the words "should" "bad" or "normal" because that implies judgement. She's a bit idealistic with the judgement thing, you're going to be judged your whole life, you can't just be yourself all the time. I also really really really don't feel normal, but I feel like she doesn't pay attention to my feelings when I say that because she's so focused on her idea that no one is normal. She also does the human thing of repeating the point she's trying to make by phrasing it differently, so I often find myself not paying attention when she starts talking more at length (usually toward the end of the session).

I think my counsellor has reduced my anxiety overall, and started me on a process of understanding. As they say, no one is perfect, so of course there are things I would like to change. I've heard that finding a good counsellor is difficult, I feel incredibly lucky to have found one that clicked. Honestly I don't think I would go to a different one even if I moved, it makes me anxious just thinking about it. I wouldn't know what to expect and so I wouldn't trust them. I would rather be counsellor-less than go to a new one.

You can beat here at her own game. There's a line therapists like to use when patients call them out on their lies and BS: "This isn't my therapy, this is your therapy." Reverse the line. When she starts censoring you, say: "This isn't your therapy, this is my therapy. I'll decide what words to use." Seeing their own gaslighting tactic being used against them should stop any therapist in their tracks.

How does she react to synonyms, like "non-compliant with mainstream beliefs" for "not normal", or "I feel that for my own benefit, I must" for "I should"? "What benefit?, she may ask. Your answer: "For compliance with what society believes in." "But..." / "This isn't your therapy, this is my therapy. I'll set my own goals." Check and mate!

It's not a game, no progress is going to happen without working with the therapist as a team.

One big problem with counselling is that the training in unisex. A young woman can complain about how something makes her feel and get accommodation. A man just gets more of the irritant to help dull his feelings.

Went to 35 counselors

Some counselors are too dramatic

They make everything "a major loss"

"Actions speak louder than words "

"Unfortunate thing that happened". Dog lunged at me.

As if they expect nothing "unfortunate" to ever happen

A counselor told me that I was "brave" for going to counseling in the rain and getting wet




Situational versus dispositional

That's not even "brave"

You can't measure courage

Manipulative

The counselors field is the Diagnosic statistical manual


Not relationships and emotions


They use ambiguous words like "respect"

You can't measure respect


They don't tell you "the truth", or their opinion. They tell you what they think you want to hear

Which is not what you want to hear



They use misleading statements. The statements are correct. The implication is wrong



"You don't make people uncomfortable. Homophobia makes people uncomfortable"


Everyone makes people uncomfortable

There are seven billion people in the world

Everyone is comfortable, neither or uncomfortable


Everyone makes people uncomfortable with the way they dress



The counselors keep confusing situational versus dispositional


Counselor Jeanne Courtney told me that, to get over my fear of dogs, find a dog and ask the owner, "is she friendly"


You don't have to find a dog


Dogs are almost everywhere


Owner already told you, dog is "friendly"


And she acted so enthusiastic, like she invented the latest greatest scientific invention

Oversimplified


The owners definition of "friendly" is not the dictionary definition


The counselors act so innocent, like they have never done anything wrong before in their lives and " the meaning of life is helping people!"



Indulgent


Codependent


Grooming the victim


Jamie Adair b***h told me "you are important"


What does "important" mean?

Not "important" enough that she lemmie disagree with her




Not "important" enough for her to say "excuse me ", instead of "what"








Counseling can "help", "hurt" or neither


But "actions speak louder than words"


Counselors are human with their own mental illness and felony conviction

















They act like they expect you to believe everything they tell you