A specific type of bullying -- anyone else experienced this?

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For me.. Well the best way to describe me and the way I think is that while I am very nurvous of change.... and to be honest I could do with a little help and support to change due to this... I also reach a point where I have explored the depths and need a new scene. I still need the safe zone... I would not want to live somewhere I have not been before if that makes sense.
The best way to explain is to explain my work record.
The first job I was in I was generally happy until I learnt all there was to learn about the subject. I then had explored the depths and heights of rhe job and I needed to move on. It took about two years to explore. In the time that I was in where I had fully explored the job and the time I actually left were horrible. It was very stressful for me because I had to work without any desire to be there and I could not communicate my inner feelings because I didn't know how to and neither did I understand myself. I left rhe job about two and a half to three years into it. (The second job I took I went all into it and was highly stressed and when it was over as it was a summer job I was relieved. It became a 0600am to 0800pm with a single 25 to 30 minute break for lunch. I won't count this job in the examples though as it does not give the example I need). The third job I did was similar to rhe first job but in competition to, and I was promoted to be a manager of the department I worked in. Doing this meant a new exploration wheee yes, I am very nurvous to do new, but at the same time I need to explore... The first year was all nurvous learning everything. The second year was my best year in that I didn't have much to learn but was still learning as I had passed the everything new stage where the nurves are. However, at tne end of two years I was ready to leave as I had fully explored the position. The nest few months were stress... Until I found a new job.
The new job was the longest job I have ever been in. The first two years were nurves. But the job was so varied, it kept me happy u til about fie years in. However, after the five years in I started to slowly get stressed. The stress kept building up. By the time I left 9 years i to the job I was so stressed and suicidal that if I disn't leave I would not have survived for long.
.Now living here... I habe always lived in the area but for the last ten years I have been so internally stressed... I have internally hit so many energy loss shutdowns that I find it hard to function. It is like the build up of wanting a change to explore (Despite the nurves of change they are coupled with an excitment of change which seems to lift me a bit from the stress. I hope this all makes sense?).
It is my take on things and how I react to life. I can't really explain it more then this, but the last five or ten years I habe deteriated and I need a way to combat this.
So on the one hand I need stability which helps me function, on the other hand I get soo stressed with stagnation...

Can anyone else identify with this or am I unique? It may be the totally opposite to autism. So maybe I am halfway on and off the spectrum? I have no idea.

What I can't handle is change to a ew enviroment which I am totally unfamiliar with. Any new enviroment must first be fully explored from living in the safety of the old enviroment. If I was plonked in a new enviroment entirely (For example if I was a soldier and was paraschuted into a totally unexplored enviroment wheee everything was different I would be so nurvous that anything that moves I would shoot! Haha! I would likely just curl up and hide and hardly move from the drop zone! Yet if the enviroment was familiar, I would be happy exploring as long as I had that familiarity to return to. I would function well).

That's called "gas lighting".

Hang on... I have heard that term before and I had to ask what it means last time. Umm. What is gaslighting again? I may eventually remember what it means!

Just looked it up. I should remember it now.

OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. believe you are being bullied. I think many of us are in many different ways. In fact I just came on to start a thread about being bullied in my own life when I saw yours. My heart goes out to you. I hate that you are being treated this way.

A personal example springs to mind, which is kind of similar to what you describe here.

When I was in primary school, my parents would regularly take me out to a local club/bar on Saturday nights, a family-orientated kind of place with music and arcade machines. The children would often hang out in a separate area, one that was near the entrance. On one occasion, the 'lead' kid ordered me to go to a seperate room and stay there for a specific time (maybe something like 100 seconds, but I can't remember for certain) before I could continue to hang out with them. I counted to the number of seconds and returned to the room where the other kids were, but the kid who had ordered me to do this said that I had only been away for 99 seconds (or whatever slightly less than the number was), thus I couldn't continue to hang out with them.

It was never a problem to me as I never wanted to be associated with people with issues like that. I never tried to be popular. I did my own thing. I was better by myself, though it was lonely. Sometimes I did find a coupke of friends. This aas nice. But we all tended to be a little different to others.
The funny thing is that my kodt loyal friends are all odd. The others I call aquaintences are more normal people. I tend to attract odd people as I like them. I find them more normal somehow! Ok, a few are a littlw too odd and on a diferent level again to me which I can't relate to, but in general I tend to find that as I am a bit of a missfit, I find other missfits to be normal somehow!

I've been thinking a great deal lately about how people are deceitful, manipulative, and exclusionary through social subtext, mostly due to researching things about ASD and NT's and their differences. I'm seeing things in my past where I was being manipulated and mocked without realizing it, often from family.

Not quite "bullying" here, but I was incredibly hurt when, at the beginning of my second semester at college, a friend circle I had spent a lot of time with quietly whispered as I approached, "It's [me]." They gave me an obvious silent treatment. I did not understand why and I still don't. I isolated pretty severely after that.

I think I was just super awkward and uncomfortable to be around. I used to be an immense social dunce and critically failed to understand how my words and behaviors were realistically going to affect people's opinion of me. Cognitive empathy and all that...