Autistic Burnout Question.

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if by "partial shutdown" one can mean just running on autopilot and not being able to do much other than the basic go to work/go home, E and E and sleep, that was me before i hadda hermitize.

I've experienced burnout 3 times. First was due to working too many hours so burnout happened and I ended up in hospital.

Next was family feuding, arguments and silent treatment which was more than I could handle. I ended up in hospital again, this time for three months.

Three years later I was working ridiculous hours, 50+ a week. I had a screaming match with the boss and left, totally burnt out. No hospital this time, I recovered at home.

That was in 2008. No work for me again until I started volunteering at a second hand shop in June. Two days per week. It's all I can cope with.

How aweful. You said two days a week. Just to understand things. Is it because you need so much time to recover afterwards that you can only handle 2 days, or is it that you start to become fragile to shutting down or having meltdowns etc?

I don't think I have experienced total burnout fortunately but I maybe close. I don't want to end up in hospital but to be honest, they would not take me as for years, only the worst cases end up there because of an extreme shortage of beds, and places to put the beds.... And I will end up cut off away from my Mum and home, and in an enviroment where recovery will be so difficult. Hospitals are noisy, crammed full of people and very very warm buildings. All of which I could not cope with.

So I am glad Iam not in that much of a state as how can one recover in a hospital? I just can't fathom out that one.

I was in the psychiatric ward in hospital both times so it wasn't too bad. The time I was there for three months I ended up having ECT and I got better because of that and I could finally leave.

I work on Mondays and Fridays. So there's a gap between the work days. This week, however, I worked Friday and Saturday. Sunday is my break and I have to go back tomorrow! I'm going to try and take it easy.

Sending you joy and happiness so your work will be stress free and happy.

Thank you, you're sweet.

I've been really good lately, which is why I sought out volunteer work. I'd had no luck searching for paid work for ages. As it happens, a paid job may become available at the shop I'm at. I've applied for it, so I hope I have some luck. I really like the people I work with.

Exciting.

The last few years I have only been able to do short term low hours part time work maybe once or twice a year. It has reached the stage where I am more in a partial shutdown then out of one, so I don't think I can take another job. But I am ok for a few months as my only real bills are to keep my car on the road.

I know God is looking after me.

That is so beautiful. There are no places like that where I live. Wales is so green and full of trees.

it reminds me a lot of Puget Sound.

Wales is nice. Britain is nice. I have not often been out of Wales though. The two areas I find in England that are similar to Wales are the Cornwall/Devon/Summerset area which I have seen and they are very much like here, and I am told the Lake District is very much like parts of Wales.

Wales is not big but it is big enough. Is about a similar size as Israel. The north has rocky hills. More jagged and rocky. It is green too. The whole of Wales is green! Mid Wales is sparcely populated and has more rounded hills but almost as tall. South Wales generally has lower hills and valleys. South West Wales is also beautiful.

Anglesea... The big island at the top left of Wales. I have only been there once and the parts I saw were very flat. It was like a different world to North Wales by the side of it. I am assured that it does have some lovely hills but they must be at the top end of Anglesea. I was in the bottom end of it.

The main population areas of Wales are either the coastal strip of the very top of North Wales, or the more densly populated areas of the South Wales coastline from Swansea heading east. Swansea is about the mid point of east to west in South Wales. But even in those areas green abounds to break up the monotony of the built up areas and there are certainly rather impressive hills and valleys.

I have lived in Wales all my life and I have still a LOT left to explore. Yesterday my Mum and I went down a maze of country lanes in which we seemed to be going round in circles at one point! Haha! But there were some beautiful areas in little hidden places. It was funny. My Mum said "Oooh. We must come here again!" but I said to her "Uhmmm. How are we going to find it?" Haha! Wales can be a lot like that when one has found it's hidden gems!

By 30 I would fall asleep in the toilets at work.
By 40 I was coming home, collapsing in a heap, skipping hot meals.
By 46 I couldn't hold a job down for more than a few months.
At 48 I'm signed off from work and receive benefits.

The funny thing is I'm contemplating going back to work. It depends on the job and it depends on who you are working for. If my old boss of five years was still alive I would be out the door in a shot. There needs to be respect and the hours need to suit you. I can honestly say that I loved my old boss Micky

Unfortunately I have seen a similar trend in my life. A gradual decline in the amount of hours I can physically do along with an increase in the recovery period between shifts, and about a month and a half is my max of every other day working just 4 to 5 hour shifts per day. Less hours and the travelling costs are almost eating up my pay. Pore hours and I'd be useless to them as I'd be on the floor.

i think if i hadn't have been laid off [thanx for nothing shrub] i would have prolly died on the job.

I've had similar shutdowns / 'collapsing' episodes - particularly in situations when there was no hope of pleasing people, or living up to expectations. In psychology this is called a 'double bind' - you MUST do X, but you also MUST NOT do X - damned if you do, damned if you don't - and in cases like this, your brain overloads, and weird things happen.

You talk about doctors refusing to see you, and people accusing you of faking. This is terribly damaging. It leaves you in a double bind. You must function in your job, so you must get this 'shutdown' problem under control. But you must not mention the shutdown problem, or seek help for the shutdown problem, or you will be accused of faking, and denied access to health care.

Which makes the shutdowns worse, and leads to further burnout, and dysfunction.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. Take care of yourself. Pray to God, because He knows you're not faking. As do those of us here on WP, who understand the devastating effects of trauma, invisible disability, and invalidation. (Not all do, but enough that I am grateful to not be completely alone in this.)

I do think this can get better in time. Be gentle with yourself, and I hope that you can eventually get some quality professional health care. I finally have, and it's helped me so much, this past year.

The doctors surgery I am with now is MUCH BETTER. It is like I have moved from third world drs surgery into the modern developed world. I never knew there would be that much difference from one doctors surgery to the next.

The two largest hurdles for me were:
1. Understanding what I was dealing with. To realize I was dealing with partial shutdowns and shutdowns has taken me years to work out. Yes, I knew some of what was causing them but my thoughts were directed from all the wrong angles so I was getting no where.
2. Being able to communicate to doctors in ways that they understand. Theywould have realized what was happening if I had realized that I was experiencing anxiety and stress. I never knew what the feelings were called. And the many times doctors asked me if I was stressed or anxious, I said "No" as I just didn't connect them somehow. What really confused me and drs was that on some rarer occasions I was enjoying myself while cycling and then I would start shutting down. I believe this was due to overthinking as when I cycle I am sometimes running two different brain systems at the same time. I will have an earworm tune going on in my kind and on top of that I will have my own thoughts all running at once while I am cruising along, so this is likely to be a possible cause?

The specialists who diagnosed me here in the UK were very gentle and supportive. You've been referred by your GP haven't you MG?