Meltdown help/advice

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It's a long story I don't have the energy for the full version right now, the short version is they want me to do more overtime and can't / won't commit to paying me for it despite me being the only one able to do the work.

I had actually done that in the past. Someone complained it was offensive and I was ordered to take it down. It wasn't offensive in the slightest.

Then I started locking my door and also got told to stop doing that, I explained why I was doing these things and was offered no solution other than suck it up.

I don't mean to be so negative, I'm just overwhelmed and can't see a way out of all of this despite going over everything multiple times before burning out.

That's pretty much how I feel, but I cannot have the time. Doing so would end my 18 year career and bankrupt me. I'm stuck. I need to make some hard decisions but I can't until my mind is in a good state, but I can't have time until I've made some big decisions. I was hoping to push through till things were calmer, but I couldn't stop it from making me burn out and I underestimated the possibility of that happening as I've been managing for years now.

When I am near burnout, I need sleep. A lot of it. Do you have sick days you can use?

If you were able to stay home a day or two, would you be able to rest? sleep or read trashy novels or whatever your interest is?

I would let your wife help you. It is probably good for her mental health to have a positive role in your life instead of always being a drain.

If you have a meltdown at work you can always say you have been ill and now obviously need to go home.

I feel for you. I am usually in pretty good shape, but have my own meltdowns or shutdowns from time to time. Remember, you can't take care of your wife or do your work, unless you are well also. You have to take care of yourself.

I never make decisions when I am in such a state.

What kind of work do you do?

I'm going to force myself to go to bed.

I will check back tomorrow, thanks to everyone who took the time to comment.

I don't know anything about Australian labor laws as they pertain to overtime.

In the US, if you work in any sort of "professional" capacity, they don't have to pay you for overtime.

If you work hourly, they are required to pay you for overtime.

I have many sick days but taking them is risky as it would be viewed as me abandoning my work at there busiest time and no one is able to replace me or pick up the slack while I'm away.

I'd love to stay home and play video games or write a program or mod. It just doesn't seem feasible at the moment as the pressure is all on me at work.

I had an NT colleague previously who was very understanding and knew my limits and he would actively shield me, but he left recently as the pressure (not related to me) of the job got to much for him.

I haven't slept well for some time and as exhausted as I am I usually avoid bed for as long as possible in favour of alone time.

I'm letting my wife help, it's just unusual for me as it's usually me looking after her but I can't even look after myself right now.

In the past I've never looked after myself.
my wife and work have always been number one, and I obviously pushed it to far thinking I could handle it.

I am a full stack software developer

They are required to pay OT they just don't want to nor do they want to promote me to a level where OT is expected.

I understand it's hard to take sick days, and that it would look bad if you took sick days.

When is your next scheduled vacation?

There isn't one. I work through my vacation and have for years as there is always heaps for me to do, and have about 6 months of leave built up I am unable to take.

Before this I was hoping to have a break in April next year, but that now seems so far away. I will have some relief in a week as it is vacation (for everyone) time and while I will be working it will be from home.

That’s good news. Are they renovating the office or something?

In Australia we have 4 breaks a year rather summer break and I work for an organisation that follows this structure as when schools are closed we have no business.

Not doing so may ultimately have the same consequences. If not this time, maybe the next time, maybe the time after that. I've been in this situation of having made a rod for my own back quite a few times in various jobs, and burnout to the point that my work tasks became impossible cost me every one of them. The more you're willing to bend over backwards, the more will get thrown at you, and they won't let the ratchet slip backwards unless you do something to make it happen. If you're at your wit's end now, then you can be pretty certain that, even if you ride out this crisis, the future will bring another, then another... Certainly, you need to minimise the fallout in the short and medium term; but I would advise you, and your family, to think of the long-term, too.

If you were to be hospitalised by an acute illness or accident, you would surely be allowed some time to recuperate, and the situation that you're in is no different - you are quite obviously experiencing physical and mental exhaustion, acute anxiety, and quite possibly depression. Also, like most people who find themselves in this situation, you do have one trump card - you have made yourself indispensable (you said yourself that you're the only one who can perform your duties.) If you are as key to the business as your employer is implying, then their threats are very likely just a play on your insecurity to keep you pliable. In other words; bullying.

Get whatever backup you need (medical certificate, employment rights advice, etc.) Then call their bluff - they would no longer be in business if they lacked the nous to see that you're too valuable to lose over this.

If I'm wrong? Then you will have lost nothing that you wouldn't likely lose anyway, as the die is already cast; it will only be a matter of time before you will be faced with the same dilemma again. If I'm right? Maybe, just maybe, you'll be treated with a little more respect - you will certainly be mentally more healthy and better able to devise a longer-term plan of action.

My apologies if that assessment seems a little harsh; and I do realise that I don't fully know the situation, and that I'm advising you to do something which must seem very risky and frightening. But that fear is exactly what your employers are using to manipulate you, and they will not stop so long as they are confident that you'll suffer it. The fact that you've built such a long-lasting career despite such demands suggests that you are far more valuable than you give yourself credit for.

Best wishes.

Every time I take just a few days off in a row it reminds people how much I do. As well as how well I do it.

When I had to care for someone I asked for and received special hours that allowed me to go home in the middle of the day. I somehow managed to get everything done. Both at work and at home.

Please do not apologise, you sound exactly like myself when I am coping.

It is baffling how hearing your own thoughts repeated back to you, phrased slightly differently can give you some perspective. I was already on the path to following this (as i could feel myself slipping), and ultimately it played a part in my shutdown as I didn't get the exact result I was after, and answers were deferred rather than answered.

After reading this I was able to summon some strength and inform one of the "higher ups" that I needed actual approval for a project by this afternoon or the project would be impossible to complete before the deadline as I was not going to start it in good faith and be denied payment once again. His reaction seemed to be one of shock, and said he would have an answer for me at the end of the day, even if he had to personally call his boss.

This obviously doesn't fix everything, but it is a start. The hardest part will be not doing the work if it doesn't get approved, as I find it difficult to put others out, as if this project is not complete by the deadline it is not the higher ups that will suffer, it's hundreds of employee's, I need to convince myself that, that is not a bad outcome. They will make noise and only prove my point and ultimately the blame doesn't rest on my shoulders, even though it will feel that way.

This is one project of 3 that have deadlines looming that I am waiting on the "higher ups" to make decisions on so there is still a long way to go, but hopefully I can push through enough to gain some respect and break the cycle.

I am still not doing well, but this is something at least. Thank you for reminding me of my own internal thoughts when I had enough strength for them to actually be coherent.

Unfortunately, here they see things not getting done and view that as me slacking off (even if I have a medical certificate).

I attempted to organise different hours to support my wife, but was informed there was to much politics involved that I wouldn't understand and I needed to know my place. Which is one of the reasons I decided I wasn't going to put up with being treated this way anymore, and I begun to implement change, but they resisted and I couldn't stop the shutdown from taking over, as the extra stress, was enough to break me.