Taking an online course to avoid social disappointment

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I’ve always been told I need a college degree if I want a better job and that potential girlfriends could find the fact I don’t have a degree as a deal breaker. Rednecks also think college is “fancy book learnin’” so it seems like going to college would fight the redneck mentality. My father thinks I should go to a technical school even though he never went to one and I honestly don’t want to give him any credit. It’s partly his fault I fell behind socially and why I don’t have a girlfriend.

I once tried to volunteer at an animal shelter but they never called me back. Most people in my age range just want to drink and smoke so I have a feeling I wouldn’t make any new social acquaintances.

How about searching among people who are similar to you?

Would you be happy with a girlfriend with similar qualities as you?

There's no point searching a partner for you amidst a loud disco. How about attending an autist support group?

I used to be a part of an autism support group that is still active. It was helpful for a time; I started to grow out of it but I kept going out of habit. I suppose it was also because I needed something social to do even if it had become stressful. The majority of the people in the group were brainwashed by religious indoctrination, still relied on their parents for most things, had stunted mental maturity, and were extremely insular in their interests. I’ve tried attending another group in Austin but the first time I went, there were only middle aged and elderly men who showed up so I immediately felt disappointed and wanted to leave. The second and last time I tried, there were women but they weren’t interested in dating so I felt disappointed yet again.

I feel like I am being told to accept the redneck view on college.

Each and every dating attempt is intimidating and results in disappointment before we find a real match who welcomes us just we are.

What's gonna happen is as follows:
refusal
refusal
refusal
refusal
refusal
refusal
refusal
refusal
refusal
refusal
refusal
refusal
refusal
refusal
refusal
MATCH

Refusal isn't judgemental. It's just no match.

Even for a golden guy like Justin Bieber, maybe one of ten girls could be made interested, if he worked at it. For an average guy, 1/100. For a below average person it could be 1/5000.

What increases your chances may also be that the person you can match up with has to know you awhile and find you tolerable in several occasions. Maybe it's only worth trying once you've had a pleasant conversation or a mutual smile. Maybe she cannot consider you at all before she has shared something with you about herself, and seen that it is safe sharing with you.

I don’t even get casual conversations with women outside of patron transactions and restaurant waitresses; the only exceptions are my sisters in-law and one female friend but only through text messages. Women where I live tend to stick with each other and if they have boyfriends, they usually aren’t open to having male friends unless the man is coupled up already or is gay.

I can do my best, but I don't spend nearly as much time on this site anymore, so sometimes threads I've responded to are already buried under a bunch of other threads by the time I get back, so can be hard to track them down.

Yes I was told the same thing about college, that is why I attempted it but turns out it didn't work for me and the stuff I was interested in wouldn't have gotten me a useful degree...even people with useful degrees can have trouble finding a decent job in their field after graduation. Tech school isn't a terrible idea if theres a career your interested in which a tech program would give you the qualifications for.

But you've already had a job for years, then you already have a work history and could be used to look for something you like better.

Also with volunteering you have to persist some, if you call once and don't hear back then contact them till you do hear something...if they have a sign asking for volunteers you can even just physically go in and ask about it.

And well in my perspective I don't think not having a college degree, is necessarily a deal breaker for dating/relationships. May be an expectation for some people, but certainly not everyone, so basically if your trying to get a degree just to be more attractive to women that's not going to work too well. They aren't just after a degree, they tend to also want a career minded persona and a person who has all their 's**t' together...who had a plan with college. I don't think those women are potential girlfriends for someone in your situation generally speaking, you'd have better chances with women who are more down to earth.

And one more thing not to distract too much but in another thread seemed you were looking into some depression treatment options, that might still be something to consider. I believe you mentioned TMS potentially, which I have heard good things about it so that is definitely still worth considering. Truth be told the main thing holding you back is probably the depression if you can get that under control then things would probably start to improve.

If the TMS treatment doesn’t help me get a girlfriend, I don’t want to live anymore. I feel like most here for some reason want me to live but they don’t want me to have a girlfriend at the same time. They think I need to suffer for the sake of others and be stepped on to actually contribute to humanity instead of rising up from being bullied.

I’ve come to accept that no one is going to give me an answer I want and that more people don’t want me to have a girlfriend than ones who do.

What answer do you want, Mark?

I think it's more about people not wanting to risk you pulling some woman down with you. It's emotionally unhealthy to be in a relationship with someone who's negative all the time after all; if you got in to a relationship right now, the risk of you emotionally harming the woman would be really high, especially since big part of your depression is about being single. It'd put an unreasonable burden on a girlfriend. Because of this, I think it'd be important for you to get your thoughts under control before trying out a relationship. Besides, positivity attracts people easier than negativity, so things are likely to be much easier in that order.

You have sisters in law and a female friend??

Tell them to set you up on a blind date. They can also help you dress nicely and bring a rose to the date.

I honestly don’t know if these kinds of questions are serious or joking.

Don’t you think a woman could harm me emotionally, too? I actually have been harmed emotionally by women, especially in the case of my ex-friends and a few that I thought were going to be new friends but they either dragged their feet or gave me the silent treatment.

Definitely possible, but I was mostly referring to why some people might not want you to have a girlfriend... though of course, some of them might be concerned about you instead of some random woman. I mean, you clearly have low self esteem and all, so some people might not want you to have a girlfriend because they fear that you'd be even worse off if you got one and got dumbed. That's just my guess, though.

What does "dragging their feet" mean in this context?