What Is Masking?
revlar wrote:
Do you ever feel like you want to take off the mask to be the real you but can't because you've always had the mask on in that specific situation/place?
Yes. Definately. Also, because I have masked for soo long (Most of my life from being a child onwards) to unmask means I am going back to my early years of childhood and it is as if the real me tends to have a bit of the early childhood age to it? As I am writing this I am making sense of things. Put it this way. The masked me has matured to be in line with my real age and I have been masking for a long time... Certainly since I was halfway through my childhood years.
When I have hit burnout and become fragile I am no longer able to keep up certain masks so the unmasked me is at a maturity level as I was before I started masking. Hence why I really feel exposed as people are looking at my childlike ways. It feels like I am out walking through a public place naked! (Though I am fully clothed... It has the same feeling).
Now if I had ever masked, then I am guessing the real me behind the mask would have matured to be my age? I know this is pure guesswork on my behalf.
When I was in a mess after the last burnout, I found myself slipping between being masking and unmasking uncontrollably in the same situation which was... Well. I just could not cope with being too exposed in a public place.
I am on the mend but these things take time. I am still childlike and unmasked in some aays where in the past I would be masked... But I am on the mend.
Just a note. The last burnout took place after I had joined this site in may, as I had taken on another part time temporary job which pushed me into burnout again. A couple of members in here knew about it and gave me advice etc. Really I should have quit working about half way in but I am a battler determined to push myself to the limit in order to reach the end of the contracted employment. Usually the last day in a job is easier as one mentally knows one does not have far to go, but I found the last day to be mentally the toughest even though the work was light to moderate and the staff were excellently supportive (Even though they had no idea of what I had been going through).
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