Do you detest salespeople?

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BTW, I remember you mentioning being rather vulnerable to emotional blackmail/chuggers too. Have you considered looking into something like assertiveness training?

I'm not saying this to criticise you in any way, but I know how awful it can be not to feel equipped to deal with such people.

^ over the last year or two I’ve discovered waving my hand at them and downwards like I’m fending off a small dog gets you past the street variety...
Once when I was hungry and in a foul mood, did it: and it worked!

Must also add that my wife likes my lack of traditional male assertiveness: unlike previous (NT) relationships I don’t “crush” her, or push her into/out of doing things
She gets to be her
I get to be me

So... hmmm... think I might have higher priorities tbh.

Of course, I now feel bad that I’m dismissing well-meant advice

Well-meaning isn't always suitable. No worries man, you seem fine the way you are. I wasn't suggesting you turn into the Macho Man, just getting a bit of help with saying "no", it's a very useful skill these days

*Refrains from getting on a "get off my lawn" rant about manners and boundaries these days *

In all my friendships and intimate relationships, I find Camus' perspective to reflect my attitude the best: "Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead; Just walk beside me and be my friend."

I worry about that distinction immediately after I press send every time I’ve given “my take” on a problem someone’s had/having here!
Probably better to be aware of it though

Yeah: I know mate
But: truth be told, in a rural backwater where most of the population are slowly-spoken peasants who are only assertive about their desire to be hospitable and welcoming... I’ve one customer who I have to play hardball with to stop her force-feeding me biscuits and then overpaying me by 50%! (She really doesn’t like it when I leave and there’s still biccies on the plate and notes in her purse, bless ... but I’ll have to annoy her that way next week )

We have an American volunteer at Oxfam who thinks we should do the salespeople thing US-style: thankfully the manager vetoed it on the grounds that “there would be no better way to make sales fall than by hassling customers when they’re browsing”

Like the Camus quote
Been meaning to get around to his writings for years: one day they’ll come through Oxfam and I’ll pounce the minute they’re priced and on the shelf
Been doing that with Balzac recently: have three in my “to read” mountain now! (Read Lost Illusions, loved it, and wanted more!

To the ends and depths of my soul. I realize they're just doing their job, but to me, they can be as annoying as f*ck.

I’ve worked in retail, food service, and telesales, so I know what thankless, frustrating jobs they are. I empathize with salespeople and in some industries, I salute them because I could never do it long-term.

I think you've summed it up accurately, if somewhat crudely.

They're just doing their job and when it's something I really do want to buy they actually can be useful. And sometimes even when I'm not buying I can have ok conversations with them. It depends on the kind of salesperson though. In general salespeople in walk in retail stores are alright. Salesmen on other things like cars might be less tolerable though.

This is the reason why Amazon is taking over the retail world. The last time I went to the mall for more than one thing every single salesperson tried to upsell or push a useless, high profit add-on. The worst was the game store: I just wanted a new game.
Do you want a used copy for $5 less? NO
Do you want the warranty? NO
Do you want to buy a discount card? NOOOOOO
Only to be given a dirty look like I ruined their day for daring to not buy a single add on. Why put up with that crap when I can just go to Amazon, click a few buttons and that's it. On a side note I remember buying a game at Walmart and the guy said "you don't want the warranty, right?" and didn't even give me a chance to answer before moving on.

I also remember looking at furniture and the sleazy salesman pretty much hit all the stereotypes. High pressure, pretending to be your friend, pushing "limited time" sales aggressively, pushing add-ons, etc. I also knew a car salesman who used to whine about how poor he was doing, how types were tough yet lived in a $700,000 house on a lake.

When I worked in a home improvement retailer, I did a few sales and while the customers loved our and especially my approach, the managers with their eye on the 'quick kill' did not. It didn't matter that we made loyal lifetime customers (so loyal that we almost put the Home Depot under when they came to town), they were upset I didn't oversell the BBQ that was $50 more. I was even ordered to stop a demonstration sales tactic that resulted in every single customer buying the item in question, probably because they didn't waste money on useless (high profit) items. They decided to become a Home Depot clone and push more American-style sales.

Yes, but I try to be patient with them. It's a lousy job that nobody actually wants, and if I have to do retail shopping in person then the only choice I have is whether or not to make a salescritter's job even wose than it already is. So, rather than getting upset I just tell them something like, "Look, I know it's part of your job, but can you please skip the upsell? I'm in a bit of a hurry," up front.

Most of the time it works. The rest of the time their boss is usually nearby.

Sometimes, it is fun to recite their day's upsell script along with the cashier, if you've picked it up on the floor.

I volunteer at an op shop and all I say to customers when they come through the door is, "Hello, orange tickets are half price." Or whatever colour ticket is half price that week. They seem to appreciate it and I don't bug them further.

It's hard sometimes when customers ask for something in particular and we don't have it, I don't like disappointing them.