Assuming I'm On The Spectrum, What Is It Like To Be An NT?

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The cruise I'm talking about in this post in described in detail here: viewtopic.php?t=380675.

In September 2019, I went on a cruise, and by myself to boot. I had social situations, most with the same people, that gave me a taste what it's like to be an NT. It was almost a fluke. The first night, I met a woman at a karaoke party on the ship. She liked my singing, and invited me to sit with her. This snowballed into breakfast next morning with her and one friend, then a beach volleyball game in a group of six (three men, three women), then hanging out in a hot tub with more people where a new woman flirted with me, then the six of us hanging out in the ship's nightclub where I danced the original woman.

The entire time, the group treated me with total respect. (If they only knew my high school self!) Women were friendly and praised me, men were deferential and bought me a beer once. The men knew I liked the original woman, and pointed me in the right direction when I told them I was looking for her on the ship. There was also a lot of platonic physical contract with the women, like handholds, hugs, and dancing. I got a nice jolt of oxytocin, that's for sure.

Throughout the cruise, I found myself thinking: "So this is what it feels like to be NT; this is how their lives are like on a day-to-day basis." Even though I'm probably not 100% right, I'm not off-base, either. I did a great job at making a good first impression, and good interactions snowballed from there. And hey, many NTs are good at first impressions.

The first time I tried marijuana, I was hanging out with an NT friend who'd procured it. My first impulse was to run errands, so while I was high, we went into town. I think that those four hours are the closest I've gotten to feeling like an NT. I was completely unfazed by a jerk from school we ran into, I had no trouble understanding and advising my friend as she described her complex (and likely self-inflicted) relationship troubles, my gait was less stiff, my speech was slower, and I found that the slowed perception of time made analyzing microexpressions doable.

I did some research later and found that marijuana has been tried as a "treatment" for autism. While I find that idea dubious at best, I do think that it suggests that being an NT is to some extent about being extremely aware of small changes in others' moods and behavior while also being less aware of non-human stimuli.

Everything you mention is what I have questioned for years. I keep notes in my binder “to ask NTs” and “observations about NTs”. I have been told for years that I was different but I see that NTs share a certain mindset that is confusing.

Naturally, since joining this site to ask questions and knowing nothing, but going on a vague hunch of an idea that I just had to check up on (Long story!), last night I asked someone who knows a lot about autism "What traits have you noticed in me?"
I expected her to mention two or three and I could probably think of about four or five traits, but her answer surprized me. One at a time she added more to the list and I started writing them down... Before I knew it I had over 30, and only one or two I am not too sure about. All the rest I can agree with.

But anyway... My thoughts now are that if I am on the autism spectrum, then what exactly is an NT? No, I don't mean that I don't know what NT means. It is more that I just can't get my mind to think what it would be like to be an NT?
Well. I always knew I was different, though I resoned that this was due to my upbringing and way of life etc., so I assumed that other peoples minds worked like mine but they somehow just seemed to live lives where they could easily make friends and "Gel" with each other somehow... I found that I would only seem to make friends with people who were "Different" or "Odd" themselves (And I would not have it any other way as every friend I have I really value (I don't have many)).


But what is it like being popular? How do they do it?

I have spent years and years observing people in order to copy them hoping I would "Fit in" and somehow I don't. I could copy a popular person word for word and they would end up with lots of friends, and I would have "Get lost you *@^÷&#$* " or words to that effect. (Though to be honest I don't want to befriend someone who replies like that, but you get the idea).

So how do they do it? Become popular?

The strange thing is that if I overcome nurves, I could stand up on stage and entertain many, but somehow have no personal connection other then a sense of humour and my jokes! If I then leave that stage I will want to dissapear where no one can find me just to recover! Though I would appreciate everyones support and love, I would need that recovery time which could last days!

But anyway. It is strange. Could I be an NT where I should be asking "What is it like to be autistic?" Or am I autistic and asking "What is it like to be an NT?"
Or am I somewhere in the middle where I don't know what I'm actually on about? Who knows!
But anyone relate to this and can fathom things out? Haha! Tough question!