Diagnosis Question 38y female ADHD w/ ASD traits.

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Welcome. I also am "too" warm (when relaxed), "too" emotionally intelligent (score near 100% for knowing, less than 50% for doing), "too" extroverted (once a month) for a ASD person --- b/c ASD folks can only ever be "cold", unadaptable and introverted? Sure some are (many?) but not all. I "failed" the ADOS-2, but was diagnosed ASD (up to 30% of adult ASD women are that "fail"). Even so, my assessor wrote that I "appear" to have ASD, which similarly irked me. Nonetheless it was a diagnosis. I am now navigating my "new" world of difference rather than previous seemingly intrinsic shame. Not easy. I still struggle with the thinking: am I "worth" the "trouble". And yet if I see a person with a difference or disability, there is no doubt to me that they are worth it. I wish I could apply that to myself.

I have a well established autism (aspergers) diagnosis that can be traced back into childhood but I would probably fail an ADOS 2 if I had to do one tomorrow.

I have trouble understanding some of the problems that people are talking about have some learning disabilities which can be over whelming.

One of the traits of Aspies is
* does not understand the use of gestures or sarcasm (may not understand the subtleties of language, such as irony and humor).

I do not get sarcasm. If someone who I trust makes a statement, I accept it at face value.

But jokes are not sarcasm. I have no problem laughing at jokes, but the humor today has very little humor.

Aspies are subjected to significantly more bullying than neurotypicals (NTs). It should almost be our middle name. Many are subjected to verbal abuse by their peer group. Often this verbal abuse is wrapped up into a sick sense of humor.

I have developed a quirky sense of humor. My family complains that I lack humor but that is simply untrue. The main reason is that humor is very dangerous. Humor can be weaponized. Let me give you an example:

One day when I was in the hallway of my 6th grade school, I was surrounded by a group of boys. They asked me what my nationality was. I sensed danger and said nothing. They looked at me. I was small, had large ears and big buck teeth. They decided I was Japanese. I said nothing.

For the next three years, I was told every Japanese joke ever invented. Whenever they threw a joke my way, I maintained a stone cold face. That was a little hard to do sometimes because I wasn’t Japanese and a few of the jokes were actually a little funny. But if I showed any emotion, the jig was up.

To this day, if they are still alive, I wonder if they remember the little Japanese boy that went to their school. And I am still chuckling deep inside. That is my quirky sense of humor.

Now if I were Japanese, every one of their jokes would have been a dagger to the heart. And it also made me somewhat immune to any other criticisms they leveled in my direction. If they called me stupid, an idiot, a klutz, an imbecile; I knew deep inside I really wasn’t because I was pulling the wool right over their eyes and they didn’t even realize it. This almost made me bulletproof from psychological abuse.

I'm glad you found humor as an effective shield against those who would seek to humiliate or hurt you. It think I see humor as very dangerous for different reason. I cant always judge whether a joke will offend or not so I reserve humor for people I know, its too risky in a new situation.

I like your posts and way of writing, jimmy n.