List the last time you had a shutdown or meltdown.

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May 12, 2020.

I had a doctor’s appointment that afternoon. I arrived early (since Paratransit scheduled my ride for 1:15PM, and my appointment wasn’t until 2:30. Turns out the front office never got my new address (even though I emailed it to them immediately after I moved in to my apartment) and phone number (since I had to install a Voice Over IP box, no thanks to being screwed around by 3 different cell phone companies trying to transfer my cell phone number. I still haven’t got that mess settled. I’m ready to tell them to screw themselves and use Google Fi as my new carrier and use my Google Voice number as my new cell number.

Anyhow, I get called back to the exam room. As soon as the doctor enters the room, he asks how I’m doing and I unloaded figurative buckshot on him, starting with my trigger phrase “Do you REALLY want to know?”

I then unloaded on him about scratching myself raw, which is one of the major side effects of Lasix, which I’ve been taking for almost a year. He takes a look at my lab report (since I’m diabetic) and sees both my potassium and creatinine levels are dangerously low. He asks why didn’t I stop taking Lasix on my own? I told him, with all the fun I had with psychotropics, as well as diabetic meds I’ve taken in the past, I continue unless YOU, my PCP, instruct me otherwise! He’s seen me loaded for bear once before, so it was get me outta here ASAP when I’m in that mood. (He also learned the hard way, when Mom was one of his patients before she died. I was mild, compared to her!)

My husband and I babysit my two young nieces (2.5 years old, and 7 months old) once a week. We don’t have children of our own. I’m great with kids but because they’re so little, sometimes I get overwhelmed trying to care for both of them if my husband is doing something else, in the other room, etc. My main special interest right now is decorative planning (kind of like scrapbooking, with stickers and other embellishments, only in a weekly planner) and my biggest lifelong special interest is office supplies. Well, while I was changing the 7 month old’s diaper, the 2.5 year old got a hold of a brand new pack of Sakura gelly roll pens that had just been delivered that morning, and lost one of the pen caps.

I went into full blown meltdown mode. Panicking and crying/shrieking, hyperventilating, stimming (Hand flapping, rocking and hitting my head with my palm) and begging my husband for help. I was able to do most of this away from my nieces thankfully because I don’t want the older one to see me acting like that, or especially for her to think it was her fault that I had that reaction but it was just so exhausting and painful...

Of course we eventually found the cap but it was too late.

Air fresheners are gross.

A week ago. Someone was too close with their eye contact, and it caused instant brain melting pain.