Does this site depress you?

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I personally have developed the ability to modify my mood through pure introspection and reassociation. I look at my judgements, and my values, understand whether they are adapative or maladaptive, and then work to change certain aspects of my values and judgements so that i am happy with who i am and how my life is.
And it isn't just some psycho babel BS. Part of it is specifically seeking out defense mechanisms, and understanding what theyre defending, how they work. I have specifically sought out those things i have been lying to myself about and forcing myself to confront them, and i am on a constant mission to do that. Even as i type this sentance i am wondering to myself how i might be lying to myself by saying this.

Through this i have been able to reprogram myself, to be happy with life.

I don't find this site depressing, at all. I like to be able to come to a place where it's okay to be eccentric. I also feel that I'm not alone when I come here. When I contribute to this site, I can be as silly and happy, or as angry and grumpy as I like, and that no one will tell me to simmer down, or that my problems are all in my head.

What is depressing to me about AS is that when I read this site, it is a refuge for everyone, which is great. However, what bothers me is that I feel like a square peg in a round hole all the time IRL. Males my age are supposed to be outgoing, easily woo the opposite sex, be able to dance and enjoy dance clubs etc. I do not fit into any of these molds and I wish I could.

As for the car park incident, I managed to mistakenly park in an unmarked, un painted, yet still reserved parking space. The owner of said space came back as I was exiting, and decided to make an issue of it. She said the spot was hers and told me to move. After reading some materials on how to be assertive, I thought back to my reading and kindly informed her that I did not want to move my vehicle due to the fact that the space was clearly not marked, not reserved (like the other two adjacent spots) and I did not have to move. The argument continued for awhile and before long, she managed to telephone all of my bosses and accused me of being insubbordinate and asked for them to fire me immediately. My immediate supervisor, who has worked with me 4 years and knows my character told her they would not be firing me and we sat down and had a conference. After the conference, my immediate supervisor commented on my lack of facial expressions and how it can make an apology seem not genuine. She knows that I am AS (she suspected before I told her), which is partially why she didn't fire me at their request.

Most people in the real world are a***holes, while most people here are very nice. Also, I think there is a certain amount of unity here, so no I don't think it's depressing.

Not depressing, no. I'm lucky in that I don't suffer from depression (but boy do I make up for that with my anxiety ). When I was first told about AS (unofficial diagnosis) I went through several stages. Firstly, well let's just say that the person who gave me that diagnosis was not someone who speaks directly, meaning that I didn't know what on earth he was wittering on about or why it was relevant. I had a moment of understanding some time later (talking months later) when a friend of mine was talking about AS and I had one of those 'oh so that's what he meant!' lightbulb going on above head moments.

Denial for a long time after that. Then feelings of confusion and minor depressive episodes. Sounds like a pretty typical grieving process to me, grieving for the kind of person I now knew I would never be.

This site has been no end of help in quelling my confusion. I don't find it at all depressing, it's exactly what I needed.

Just think of the good parts of AS.
Think of how it makes you unique.

I like this site, its good to know other people with AS.

In the rest of the world, it is rather fun for me. I enjoy putting people off guard with the way i deal with them. And they seem to enjoy it too. Example

Me: Good morning miss, may i waste some of your time?
Woman at bank: *laughs* Sure.
Me: I was just curious, what bills are still in print.
Woman at bank: Well we get 100's, 50's, 20's, 10's, 5's and 1's
Me: Okay thank you ^_^
Woman at bank: Nothing else?
Me: Nope, just curious.

Hehe, money is fascinating, each note is a is work of art. They have so many intricate little details as anti-forgery measures.

Nopes, I like it!

My luck in love has also been dismal as well, but I'm still not sure if that is because of AS, a pathological shyness to go beyond normal talk with women friends, or both. What I have done to avoid depression is to keep myself busy at every moment, to the point I'm coming to grips to find time for all my work and ongoing projects. Sometimes I tend to have a letdown though, when Friday night hits and there's nothing for me but work... but what can you do when all your friends want to do is to hit noisy, cigarrette-infested discos and engage into binge drinking on the wee hours? (okay, that's just a slight exaggeration). I've always rather been a person of calm spaces and environments, and at my thirties I've just become even more so.

That said, I don't find this site depressing - in fact I think it is a vital resource to blow off steam and confessions we wouldn't talk with anyone else outside the spectrum because they simply wouldn't understand. How could be depressing to find out you're not alone on this?

Yes!! ! this site depresses and angers me. Most people here have accepted AS as a a positive quality of themselves... not as a disability. Its as Donna Williams once said... something about autism being a filter or something preventing normal expression of emotion.

Teela - Didn't you once post here apologizing for accusing us of being proud of AS, because you'd always been forced to just deal with it instead of having support? I'm confused - what do you really believe?

I believe exactly what I said.

Well I don't see why you bother coming then, TeelaClarke.

RECURSIVE LOGIC DOES NOT WORK ON ME

I enjoy coming to this site. I'm not at all depressed about my AS. In fact, this site makes me feel even more comfortable with the fact that I often feel uncomfortable IRL. (Did that make sense?)

I think what I'm trying to say is that this site is what KEEPS me from feeling depressed. Feeling alone is depressing. I don't feel alone anymore because I now know that I'm NOT alone! I'm not "wrong" or "defective." I'm exactly who I am and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't need to be someone else or wish I was someone else different from who I have been from the moment my genetic patterns were set. The past year I have been on this site has been the first year of my teen/adult life (and I am 42 years old!) that I have NOT gone through a period of depression.

It's the brainless attitudes and unreasonable expectations of others IRL that can be cause for depression, whether you're ASD or NT. But that doesn't mean I have to conform myself to such drivel. I don't have to "be like them." If they don't like that <shrug> they'll get over it. And if they don't, oh well -- their loss!

I LIKE ME.