11 Aug 2020, 6:08 pm
11 Aug 2020, 7:41 pm
Jakki wrote:
Trying not to be influenced by crowds...... become. Hyper aware of things around me , burning up any reserve energy , I might have available . So am always looking for the exit . Am finding myself doing the best I can to mimick , what I think someone , might behave like until, a exit opens . Almost a art form to appear as though you might belong . Occasionally, if am acquainted with someone the intensity of the need to vacate is less intense.
Then I have to remember not to start going on and on on some topic . I happen to be aware of,what might be related. To the conversation And actually feeling as though I can safely speak with the person.
This only works in smaller group settings. Although when younger managed to attend some concert type event if was accompanied by someone , I knew well . But that was very rare. & Long ago.
Then I have to remember not to start going on and on on some topic . I happen to be aware of,what might be related. To the conversation And actually feeling as though I can safely speak with the person.
This only works in smaller group settings. Although when younger managed to attend some concert type event if was accompanied by someone , I knew well . But that was very rare. & Long ago.
Same here!! !! Exactly
Concert.. no... .! once, yes, but i was half absorbed in the music, half in the horrible feeling of wanting to run away from all the people and noise OF the music that I was there to enjoy.
I like drums though. My favourite thing.
It was a drumming group of ladies in Japan performed for us adn I was like happier than ever I was enjoying it more than anyone there, I'm sure.
Outdoor bands (like at those rib and rock type things in rural areas) are fine! Especially since they give u something to do if people are socializing, u can just be absorbed in the music and not have to answer, and it wont be offensive to them..
plus it's hard to hear people when loud music is playing anyway, so they know you won't be able to.
I can't understand people who can talk and have conversations, how do they hear themselves above the din?? I can barely manage in school hallways or restaurants let alone at concert type situation!!
It feels very bad if waiting in line for something. I'm sure you guys are the same..
Now I try to look around--pretending I feel okay, and trying to find interest in my surroundings (decor or arrangement of things).
But I hate doing that too because u might accidentally make someone think you are staring at them-- when you're just tuned out and rest your gaze on a random spot--
without even noticing what you're looking at--
because of the sensory /fear of ppl overwhelm..
And it's horrible if I SEE someone is staring back because I know they are likely angry or offended thinking I'm intentionally staring at them even though I'm not! Or (worst) thinking I'm checking them out. I mean nobody's ever said it but there's a risk of them thinking that
I saw someone at a Starbucks who i think was a person who to me is one of the worst person ever (not rational just how I feel emotionally)
staring at me across the room like with his evil angry type of vibes.
I didn't even recognize the person..
I was just moving my eyes around..trying not to run out of the Starbucks as I was waiting for my order ... so I was forcing myself to look around the place and try to note details (as therapists always tell u to do.. notice with ur senses to 'GROUND' yourself plus then servers wont mistakenly think im angry or annoyed by my tense face)
Like staring at me for no reason when I was standing waiting..
I just stared back because my mind wasn't all there...it was absorbing too much of everything in the environment and tense from the people so it wasn't actually thinking .
i guess the correct thing to do is avert your eyes...
Then later I realized it must be that evil man. Because he had the same features (It takes me a while to recognize someone especially if they keep changing their clothes and hairstyles or facial hair or aren't in the environment I expected them to be in....)
And I felt so confused ...
why was that horrible person staring me down like that for so long,
was it to be mean and intimidate and scare me?
I'm not scared by repeat liars/bullies ..
even if they try to punch me or worse, I won't be scared.
I only feel scared of being in the wrong, and that's what crowded places make u feel like, like you'll accidentally mess up even more.
Also because of poor theory of mind you probably feel worse among more people because u dont know what everyone is thinking.. with less people u can still relate to a pattern u've seen before and know and not feel confused.
13 Aug 2020, 8:47 pm
