Does anyone feel left behind?

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beelove
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12 Aug 2020, 1:07 pm

firebyrd516 wrote:

You aren’t alone. I usually only have my personal space as a substitute for a support system. I am actually married but she has a career and my needs can become quite excessive for her. I have no other friends outside of her to speak of, so I can become overwhelming to her sometimes. I don’t use social media because I tend to over share, post inappropriate things, make inappropriate DMs, and it generally turns into me pretending to be NT (planning each post and comment as a NT would) and making it an unhealthy replacement for irl friendships. I just want to be loved and accepted for who I am, but it’s very difficult. I am also tired of feeling like I have to pretend to be “normal” most of the time, if that makes sense.

My fear is that I’ll be forever alone. I fear that even the ones closest to me feel pity for me and only stay out their kindness not my character. I’m really tired of accommodating others sense of normalcy at the expense of my authenticity. I just want to feel loved and love. It feels like autistic people feel so much more than everyone else yet stay on the outskirts of the crowd, literally and metaphorically. I want to feel special not odd.

Pepe
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12 Aug 2020, 6:59 pm

beelove wrote:

firebyrd516 wrote:

I have always felt I was on the outside looking in, in an NT dominated society.
Things have changed/improved considerably, for me, thought finding autistic communities online.

You will get a lot of support from this community and people will accept your differences.
After all, we are all "weirdos" here, based on NT social value systems.

From an autistic point of view, neurotypicals are the odd ones, and in many ways, they are very dysfunctional.

I would recommend you spend more time becoming self-actualised than creating a social mask that is acceptable to NT society.

Quote:

Self-actualization, in Maslow's hierarchy of needs, is the highest level of psychological development where the "actualization" of full personal potential is achieved, which occurs usually after basic bodily and ego needs have been fulfilled.

Self-actualization was coined by the organismic theorist Kurt Goldstein for the motive to realize one's full potential: "the tendency to actualize itself as fully as possible is the basic drive ... the drive of self-actualization."[1] Carl Rogers similarly wrote of "the curative force in psychotherapy – man's tendency to actualize himself, to become his potentialities ... to express and activate all the capacities of the organism."[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-actualization

Jakki
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12 Aug 2020, 7:29 pm

I am , that I am .....

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Jakki
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12 Aug 2020, 7:39 pm

Dear_one wrote:

If you had functional parents who were not stressed out, you probably had some unconditional love. Nobody else has any particular reason to love you at all as an adult. If you think there should be more love around, start spreading it yourself, and be grateful for any that is returned.

Admirable advise . Occasionally one feels so wounded from such repeated Deep psychological Scars that it can be hard to recognize situations that could create a loving situations ..... often this could be so deeply engrained , a person might miss the cause and effect of such situations .And I have no hope for interactions in NT society
That Would consider , Generating such accommodations of Creating loving interactions , considering differences between Auties and N T s . Just my humble Opinion.

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blooiejagwa
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12 Aug 2020, 7:57 pm

i feel this about my youngest brother. he is very hyperlexic like the rest of us but SUPER good at masking which just means hiding and putting up a gruff or angry front or just laughing at things -- he is very intelligent i have to add.
also if one of my brothers has OCD and ASD..

research proved that a sibling with OCD will have greater likelihood of their sibling having ASD! and it has to be so ..

seeing my brother makes me so sad and it proves to me --from outside--as I was JUST LIKE HIM EXACTLY before I got married and then somehow my XH structured way of life and loving me and encouraging whatever I thought - like wanting to know and talk--
at least till i had a child --made me confident and help open up from selective mutism and meltdowns more not eliminated but reduced..) - but i had no idea how or what my issues were, it was just that my family ignores issues and thinks everything is fake (psychology- back then that is what my parents thought)

even though i get mad at people thinking LEVEL 3 ASD is all fine and dandy and exactly like their ASD 1 diagnosis, and their therapy is not needed (whatever else i was told by some actuallyautistic people)
all the other levels are no joke and have too many issues too.

he has diagnosis of PDDNOS and its BAD-- my parents keep forgetting and never looked it up-=- i told them again and again and even a few days ago my mom was asking me what it was as if she had never heard of it before...
they just tune out when it comes to him ( i feel) not only that they spent thousands sending him to professionals (my mom even sent him to a hypnotist! who my brother tricked and pretended he was hypnotized because my brother was scared of losing control in case he had to go to the bathroom! )

he is even on the borderline of marfans syndrome and has ALL the symptoms and problems--the only reason they didnt categorize him in the end (which i think was wrong) -- was because his numbers were just slightly under what they categorize as Marfans.. but they used to think the same of other diseases like GSD (thinking there was only one type and thinking girls couldnt get it) before, and changed after seeing cases --
so why not for this... ugh

but basically he has no life and he is so incapable and i actually (visited them a couple of days ago because my AC had been broken for days and it was affecting us badly) --
i actually took wet wipes and tried to clean the soles of his feet myself..
had him take sleeping pill in front of me to help fix his sleep cycle as he cannot sleep had him drink water as he forgets to etc ( just like my child with severe ASD who wd be awake all night and day sleeping only a few hours, broken sleep here and there!! !! before treatment and using melatonin to reset his body clock.
because with ASD u can actually not produce enough melatonin and that explains it! all my brothers are like this.. unable to sleep or at odd and random times no matter what)

much more..
i cant explain.. its too much .. needs experts.. but my parents hired so many and they were all incompetent and just kept saying its fine just low self esteem - even though he had a diagnosis from school psychologist that he had hidden, my parents either never told the psychologists or the psychologists are idiots and fell for his mask (and like me his mask is really also the truth he thinks of himself, he doesnt realize his issues since he knows nothing else, and what he does know he cannot explain-- and too embarrased to -- just like me when i was his age)
i honest to God want him to go to assisted living as my family is incapable of handling or helping him.. my parents cant and nobody else has their head on right except my sister who works all day.
i have heard from people that their level 1 ASD or developmentally dealyed adult child prefers it and is much happier esp as it is structured and they get fun group activities and things are manaaged better than at home..

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auntblabby
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13 Aug 2020, 2:18 am

MadiBrda_ wrote:

I have no friends. I feel left out. I don’t have a boyfriend. I only have 1 girl friend. I’ve been feeling so lonely. I feel left behind. I’m sad most of the time because I feel like no one likes me for who I am. So feel free to PM me anytime please.

join the club, MadiBrda :flower:

Jakki
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13 Aug 2020, 1:09 pm

blooiejagwa wrote:

i feel this about my youngest brother. he is very hyperlexic like the rest of us but SUPER good at masking which just means hiding and putting up a gruff or angry front or just laughing at things -- he is very intelligent i have to add.
also if one of my brothers has OCD and ASD..

research proved that a sibling with OCD will have greater likelihood of their sibling having ASD! and it has to be so ..

seeing my brother makes me so sad and it proves to me --from outside--as I was JUST LIKE HIM EXACTLY before I got married and then somehow my XH structured way of life and loving me and encouraging whatever I thought - like wanting to know and talk--
at least till i had a child --made me confident and help open up from selective mutism and meltdowns more not eliminated but reduced..) - but i had no idea how or what my issues were, it was just that my family ignores issues and thinks everything is fake (psychology- back then that is what my parents thought)

even though i get mad at people thinking LEVEL 3 ASD is all fine and dandy and exactly like their ASD 1 diagnosis, and their therapy is not needed (whatever else i was told by some actuallyautistic people)
all the other levels are no joke and have too many issues too.

he has diagnosis of PDDNOS and its BAD-- my parents keep forgetting and never looked it up-=- i told them again and again and even a few days ago my mom was asking me what it was as if she had never heard of it before...
they just tune out when it comes to him ( i feel) not only that they spent thousands sending him to professionals (my mom even sent him to a hypnotist! who my brother tricked and pretended he was hypnotized because my brother was scared of losing control in case he had to go to the bathroom! )

he is even on the borderline of marfans syndrome and has ALL the symptoms and problems--the only reason they didnt categorize him in the end (which i think was wrong) -- was because his numbers were just slightly under what they categorize as Marfans.. but they used to think the same of other diseases like GSD (thinking there was only one type and thinking girls couldnt get it) before, and changed after seeing cases --
so why not for this... ugh

but basically he has no life and he is so incapable and i actually (visited them a couple of days ago because my AC had been broken for days and it was affecting us badly) --
i actually took wet wipes and tried to clean the soles of his feet myself..
had him take sleeping pill in front of me to help fix his sleep cycle as he cannot sleep had him drink water as he forgets to etc ( just like my child with severe ASD who wd be awake all night and day sleeping only a few hours, broken sleep here and there!! ! ! before treatment and using melatonin to reset his body clock.
because with ASD u can actually not produce enough melatonin and that explains it! all my brothers are like this.. unable to sleep or at odd and random times no matter what)

much more..
i cant explain.. its too much .. needs experts.. but my parents hired so many and they were all incompetent and just kept saying its fine just low self esteem - even though he had a diagnosis from school psychologist that he had hidden, my parents either never told the psychologists or the psychologists are idiots and fell for his mask (and like me his mask is really also the truth he thinks of himself, he doesnt realize his issues since he knows nothing else, and what he does know he cannot explain-- and too embarrased to -- just like me when i was his age)
i honest to God want him to go to assisted living as my family is incapable of handling or helping him.. my parents cant and nobody else has their head on right except my sister who works all day.
i have heard from people that their level 1 ASD or developmentally dealyed adult child prefers it and is much happier esp as it is structured and they get fun group activities and things are manaaged better than at home..

Would be very interested where I could document about melatonin and ASD. . ? Please .

“before treatment and using melatonin to reset his body clock.
because with ASD u can actually not produce enough melatonin and that explains it! all my brothers are like this.. unable to sleep or at odd and random times no matter what)“

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Pieplup
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14 Aug 2020, 7:40 pm

Septify wrote:

I have good parents. But sometimes when I`m telling them simple things, like "I don`t want to eat", they acting like ..... I don't know like... Like I`m telling them that I want to get anorexia and will never eat again...

My paren'ts do this too. i'm over here like can we get a scale so i can way myself. And my step mom literally said soemtihng along the lines of "you don't need a scale because you'll develop anorexia. Like come on :roll:

THey overreact at every little thing. Since I can't do something things they don't trust me to do all things. Like there's no difference in ability. and I have a global developmental delay or something. I'm not f*****g 12 anymore I have to learn independence at some point. I think part if it is that i've only fallen lower on the scale as i've gotten older (mainly due to burnout) And i'ts a lot easier to let slide a 12 year old not being abel to do some tasks versus a 17 year old. Like I don't know if they seriously think this but like they just make assumptions then just stick to it like i can't thinkf or myself like they still haev some genius idea that i can go to the doctor and ge ta magic fix for burnout no matter HOW MANY time's i've tried to explain to them waht burnout is. :roll:

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I am pieplup i have level 3 autism and a number of severe mental illnesses. I am rarely active on here anymore.
I run a discord for moderate-severely autistic people if anyone would like to join. You can also contact me on discord @Pieplup or by email at [email protected]

JustFoundHere
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15 Aug 2020, 1:16 pm

Personally, I've learned to remain largely indifferent.

blooiejagwa
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15 Aug 2020, 1:24 pm

Jakki wrote:

blooiejagwa wrote:

i feel this about my youngest brother. he is very hyperlexic like the rest of us but SUPER good at masking which just means hiding and putting up a gruff or angry front or just laughing at things -- he is very intelligent i have to add.
also if one of my brothers has OCD and ASD..

research proved that a sibling with OCD will have greater likelihood of their sibling having ASD! and it has to be so ..

seeing my brother makes me so sad and it proves to me --from outside--as I was JUST LIKE HIM EXACTLY before I got married and then somehow my XH structured way of life and loving me and encouraging whatever I thought - like wanting to know and talk--
at least till i had a child --made me confident and help open up from selective mutism and meltdowns more not eliminated but reduced..) - but i had no idea how or what my issues were, it was just that my family ignores issues and thinks everything is fake (psychology- back then that is what my parents thought)

even though i get mad at people thinking LEVEL 3 ASD is all fine and dandy and exactly like their ASD 1 diagnosis, and their therapy is not needed (whatever else i was told by some actuallyautistic people)
all the other levels are no joke and have too many issues too.

he has diagnosis of PDDNOS and its BAD-- my parents keep forgetting and never looked it up-=- i told them again and again and even a few days ago my mom was asking me what it was as if she had never heard of it before...
they just tune out when it comes to him ( i feel) not only that they spent thousands sending him to professionals (my mom even sent him to a hypnotist! who my brother tricked and pretended he was hypnotized because my brother was scared of losing control in case he had to go to the bathroom! )

he is even on the borderline of marfans syndrome and has ALL the symptoms and problems--the only reason they didnt categorize him in the end (which i think was wrong) -- was because his numbers were just slightly under what they categorize as Marfans.. but they used to think the same of other diseases like GSD (thinking there was only one type and thinking girls couldnt get it) before, and changed after seeing cases --
so why not for this... ugh

but basically he has no life and he is so incapable and i actually (visited them a couple of days ago because my AC had been broken for days and it was affecting us badly) --
i actually took wet wipes and tried to clean the soles of his feet myself..
had him take sleeping pill in front of me to help fix his sleep cycle as he cannot sleep had him drink water as he forgets to etc ( just like my child with severe ASD who wd be awake all night and day sleeping only a few hours, broken sleep here and there!! ! ! before treatment and using melatonin to reset his body clock.
because with ASD u can actually not produce enough melatonin and that explains it! all my brothers are like this.. unable to sleep or at odd and random times no matter what)

much more..
i cant explain.. its too much .. needs experts.. but my parents hired so many and they were all incompetent and just kept saying its fine just low self esteem - even though he had a diagnosis from school psychologist that he had hidden, my parents either never told the psychologists or the psychologists are idiots and fell for his mask (and like me his mask is really also the truth he thinks of himself, he doesnt realize his issues since he knows nothing else, and what he does know he cannot explain-- and too embarrased to -- just like me when i was his age)
i honest to God want him to go to assisted living as my family is incapable of handling or helping him.. my parents cant and nobody else has their head on right except my sister who works all day.
i have heard from people that their level 1 ASD or developmentally dealyed adult child prefers it and is much happier esp as it is structured and they get fun group activities and things are manaaged better than at home..

Not all. But certainly in my familys type

Sleep problems can arise from low levels of melatonin. Some people with autism carry mutations in an enzyme involved in melatonin production. Supplements containing melatonin may increase the levels of the hormone in these individuals.

For example, four children in the new trial have Smith-Magenis syndrome, a rare condition related to autism. There is some evidence suggesting that people with the syndrome have an inverted melatonin rhythm — meaning melatonin is at peak levels during the day as opposed to at night7. That may explain why these children responded as well as they did to the pill, says Veatch.

“It is definitely likely that supplemental melatonin is treating a deficiency in endogenous melatonin production during the night in this population,” she says.

https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/melat ... le-autism/

https://www.autism.org.uk/about/health/sleep.aspx

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Jakki
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15 Aug 2020, 7:20 pm

blooiejagwa wrote:

Jakki wrote:

blooiejagwa wrote:

i feel this about my youngest brother. he is very hyperlexic like the rest of us but SUPER good at masking which just means hiding and putting up a gruff or angry front or just laughing at things -- he is very intelligent i have to add.
also if one of my brothers has OCD and ASD..

research proved that a sibling with OCD will have greater likelihood of their sibling having ASD! and it has to be so ..

seeing my brother makes me so sad and it proves to me --from outside--as I was JUST LIKE HIM EXACTLY before I got married and then somehow my XH structured way of life and loving me and encouraging whatever I thought - like wanting to know and talk--
at least till i had a child --made me confident and help open up from selective mutism and meltdowns more not eliminated but reduced..) - but i had no idea how or what my issues were, it was just that my family ignores issues and thinks everything is fake (psychology- back then that is what my parents thought)

even though i get mad at people thinking LEVEL 3 ASD is all fine and dandy and exactly like their ASD 1 diagnosis, and their therapy is not needed (whatever else i was told by some actuallyautistic people)
all the other levels are no joke and have too many issues too.

he has diagnosis of PDDNOS and its BAD-- my parents keep forgetting and never looked it up-=- i told them again and again and even a few days ago my mom was asking me what it was as if she had never heard of it before...
they just tune out when it comes to him ( i feel) not only that they spent thousands sending him to professionals (my mom even sent him to a hypnotist! who my brother tricked and pretended he was hypnotized because my brother was scared of losing control in case he had to go to the bathroom! )

he is even on the borderline of marfans syndrome and has ALL the symptoms and problems--the only reason they didnt categorize him in the end (which i think was wrong) -- was because his numbers were just slightly under what they categorize as Marfans.. but they used to think the same of other diseases like GSD (thinking there was only one type and thinking girls couldnt get it) before, and changed after seeing cases --
so why not for this... ugh

but basically he has no life and he is so incapable and i actually (visited them a couple of days ago because my AC had been broken for days and it was affecting us badly) --
i actually took wet wipes and tried to clean the soles of his feet myself..
had him take sleeping pill in front of me to help fix his sleep cycle as he cannot sleep had him drink water as he forgets to etc ( just like my child with severe ASD who wd be awake all night and day sleeping only a few hours, broken sleep here and there!! ! ! before treatment and using melatonin to reset his body clock.
because with ASD u can actually not produce enough melatonin and that explains it! all my brothers are like this.. unable to sleep or at odd and random times no matter what)

much more..
i cant explain.. its too much .. needs experts.. but my parents hired so many and they were all incompetent and just kept saying its fine just low self esteem - even though he had a diagnosis from school psychologist that he had hidden, my parents either never told the psychologists or the psychologists are idiots and fell for his mask (and like me his mask is really also the truth he thinks of himself, he doesnt realize his issues since he knows nothing else, and what he does know he cannot explain-- and too embarrased to -- just like me when i was his age)
i honest to God want him to go to assisted living as my family is incapable of handling or helping him.. my parents cant and nobody else has their head on right except my sister who works all day.
i have heard from people that their level 1 ASD or developmentally dealyed adult child prefers it and is much happier esp as it is structured and they get fun group activities and things are manaaged better than at home..

Thank you many times over ......!

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Benjamin the Donkey
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15 Aug 2020, 8:18 pm

Romofan wrote:

I grew up before "Aspergers" was a thing, so I didn't have any name for the problems with executive function, theory of mind, etc. that I was experiencing.

But I had a sense that something basic was wrong, and it became acute during periods when my peers were graduating from something and moving on to something else. I always had the muzzy and undefined sense that I wasn't ready for the challenges of the new phase of life.

When people were applying to colleges they had strong ideas about where they wanted to go and what they wanted to study; I hadn't a clue about either and just went along with the pack.

The sense of being left behind was worst for me after three years of college, when people were ready to graduate, start their new lives and families. I was clueless and terrified.

It was like normal people (NTs now) were reading from a script that I had never been given.

All true for me. In some ways I envy my son; he knows why he's different and can make decisions based on that, rather than hopelessly trying to fit in with "normal" life.

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auntblabby
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15 Aug 2020, 9:00 pm

it is as though i learned too late about an absolutely crucial race i was to compete in, but by the time i found out about it and got to the track, it had long ago been paved over into a parking lot.

Jakki
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15 Aug 2020, 11:02 pm

Went to someones graduation party saw me a few friends , chance to sing old memories , wish folks a lotta luck,
After all was said and done rather driven a truck , hostess dissed me , turn her back a as she rather talk with a Stoner than a aspie smuck , but it’s alright now , practiced me some breathing exercises , And excused myself appropriately. From the 4 outta 50 NT. People there . Felt like a bit tense ,But its alright now. Got me away from all dem N T peeps , and recovering from using all of tommarrows spoons .

(Sung to the tune of “Garden Party“ )

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where ever you go ,there you are

blooiejagwa
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15 Aug 2020, 11:20 pm

Jakki wrote:

you have a good coping technique and mindset.

"Onwards!"

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Pepe
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15 Aug 2020, 11:39 pm

auntblabby wrote:

MadiBrda_ wrote:

join the club, MadiBrda :flower:

Oi!
You have *ME*, remember. :mrgreen:

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