Meistersinger
Veteran
Joined: 10 May 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,700
Location: Beautiful(?) West Manchester Township PA
15 Aug 2020, 8:52 pm
15 Aug 2020, 10:55 pm
16 Aug 2020, 3:20 am
emotrtkey wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
I've felt that way for about the past five years, ever since I realized that it's most probable that I will never get hired for and keep even a crappy part-time job (I tried, I ended up in the hospital for self-harm and suicidal thoughts from all the stress (I was a janitor, so sometimes it was literally a crappy job 
) and will probably keep living with my parents for as long as is feasible. I've decided that as long as my parents are still alive, I'll stick around (assuming I have a choice), but once they're gone, I'm out not long after. I've been working on getting diagnosed with lymphoma (and finally did last week) for several months. It's one of the least scary and most treatable kinds of cancer, but I've found myself wondering, is treatment really worth it (compared to the toll it will take on both me physically and mentally, and on my parents' bank account)? The sole reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I know how deeply it would hurt my parents if I did that. I haven't had much joy in life in the past fifteen years or so and now I can be reasonably certain that I've stagnated for pretty much the rest of my life, and considering how much I hate my lack of independence now, I expect that will continue to increase as my level of independence continues to stay the same. I try to think about things to look forward to once I'm cancer-free... and realize that there really isn't anything. My parents will have to pay for chemo and I'm even more dependent than usual (can barely even get myself to and from the bathroom on my own due to extreme fatigue) and I will spend months being beyond miserable, all for... nothing. Just so I can have another fifty years or so of being unhappy and making exactly zero progress toward anything (although it would be ironic, in a way that things tend to be for me, if I died in a car accident as we were driving home from my last chemo treatment 
). Is it really worth the bother? Why shouldn't I just refuse treatment and let the cancer take me because I can't make myself do the deed?
Ahem, all that just to say "yep, I have."
) and will probably keep living with my parents for as long as is feasible. I've decided that as long as my parents are still alive, I'll stick around (assuming I have a choice), but once they're gone, I'm out not long after. I've been working on getting diagnosed with lymphoma (and finally did last week) for several months. It's one of the least scary and most treatable kinds of cancer, but I've found myself wondering, is treatment really worth it (compared to the toll it will take on both me physically and mentally, and on my parents' bank account)? The sole reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I know how deeply it would hurt my parents if I did that. I haven't had much joy in life in the past fifteen years or so and now I can be reasonably certain that I've stagnated for pretty much the rest of my life, and considering how much I hate my lack of independence now, I expect that will continue to increase as my level of independence continues to stay the same. I try to think about things to look forward to once I'm cancer-free... and realize that there really isn't anything. My parents will have to pay for chemo and I'm even more dependent than usual (can barely even get myself to and from the bathroom on my own due to extreme fatigue) and I will spend months being beyond miserable, all for... nothing. Just so I can have another fifty years or so of being unhappy and making exactly zero progress toward anything (although it would be ironic, in a way that things tend to be for me, if I died in a car accident as we were driving home from my last chemo treatment ). Is it really worth the bother? Why shouldn't I just refuse treatment and let the cancer take me because I can't make myself do the deed? Ahem, all that just to say "yep, I have."
I really hope you talk to a therapist or read a self-help book written by an expert therapist on depression. I was depressed most of my life and overcame it using CBT. Since you're planning on ending your life anyway, you really have nothing to lose at this point so why not talk to everyone, tell people how you feel, or try to make some friends. You're already miserable so they can't make you feel much worse and can mostly only help. You might as well take some risks to see if you can improve you life.
I stopped doing CBT when I was your age about 22, and that was the biggest mistake of my life! Started doing group therapy, which messed me up big time.
16 Aug 2020, 3:21 am
Pepe wrote:
This is the best time of my life.
The worse is over for me, so while there isn't any intrinsic point to life, I will enjoy what I can.
Too positive for this group?
The worse is over for me, so while there isn't any intrinsic point to life, I will enjoy what I can.
Too positive for this group?
Are you by any chance on Wellbutrin?
16 Aug 2020, 3:22 am
dragonsanddemons wrote:
I've felt that way for about the past five years, ever since I realized that it's most probable that I will never get hired for and keep even a crappy part-time job (I tried, I ended up in the hospital for self-harm and suicidal thoughts from all the stress (I was a janitor, so sometimes it was literally a crappy job ) and will probably keep living with my parents for as long as is feasible. I've decided that as long as my parents are still alive, I'll stick around (assuming I have a choice), but once they're gone, I'm out not long after. I've been working on getting diagnosed with lymphoma (and finally did last week) for several months. It's one of the least scary and most treatable kinds of cancer, but I've found myself wondering, is treatment really worth it (compared to the toll it will take on both me physically and mentally, and on my parents' bank account)? The sole reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I know how deeply it would hurt my parents if I did that. I haven't had much joy in life in the past fifteen years or so and now I can be reasonably certain that I've stagnated for pretty much the rest of my life, and considering how much I hate my lack of independence now, I expect that will continue to increase as my level of independence continues to stay the same. I try to think about things to look forward to once I'm cancer-free... and realize that there really isn't anything. My parents will have to pay for chemo and I'm even more dependent than usual (can barely even get myself to and from the bathroom on my own due to extreme fatigue) and I will spend months being beyond miserable, all for... nothing. Just so I can have another fifty years or so of being unhappy and making exactly zero progress toward anything (although it would be ironic, in a way that things tend to be for me, if I died in a car accident as we were driving home from my last chemo treatment ). Is it really worth the bother? Why shouldn't I just refuse treatment and let the cancer take me because I can't make myself do the deed?
Ahem, all that just to say "yep, I have."
) and will probably keep living with my parents for as long as is feasible. I've decided that as long as my parents are still alive, I'll stick around (assuming I have a choice), but once they're gone, I'm out not long after. I've been working on getting diagnosed with lymphoma (and finally did last week) for several months. It's one of the least scary and most treatable kinds of cancer, but I've found myself wondering, is treatment really worth it (compared to the toll it will take on both me physically and mentally, and on my parents' bank account)? The sole reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I know how deeply it would hurt my parents if I did that. I haven't had much joy in life in the past fifteen years or so and now I can be reasonably certain that I've stagnated for pretty much the rest of my life, and considering how much I hate my lack of independence now, I expect that will continue to increase as my level of independence continues to stay the same. I try to think about things to look forward to once I'm cancer-free... and realize that there really isn't anything. My parents will have to pay for chemo and I'm even more dependent than usual (can barely even get myself to and from the bathroom on my own due to extreme fatigue) and I will spend months being beyond miserable, all for... nothing. Just so I can have another fifty years or so of being unhappy and making exactly zero progress toward anything (although it would be ironic, in a way that things tend to be for me, if I died in a car accident as we were driving home from my last chemo treatment ). Is it really worth the bother? Why shouldn't I just refuse treatment and let the cancer take me because I can't make myself do the deed? Ahem, all that just to say "yep, I have."
You know.. crappy jobs are surprisingly highly demanding.. when you are higher up with a license or having a good position somewhere, it can be easier.. but you have to be in the right time in the right place and know the right people and try and maybe with luck you can..
16 Aug 2020, 4:02 am
idntonkw wrote:
Pepe wrote:
This is the best time of my life.
The worst is over for me, so while there isn't any intrinsic point to life, I will enjoy what I can.
Too positive for this group?
The worst is over for me, so while there isn't any intrinsic point to life, I will enjoy what I can.
Too positive for this group?
Are you by any chance on Wellbutrin?
Studies/surveys have shown that older people feel happier after they have dealt with certain issues in life.
Quote:
In a recent survey of more than 1,500 San Diego residents aged 21 to 99, researchers report that people in their 20s were the most stressed out and depressed, while those in their 90s were the most content.
There were no dips in well-being in midlife, and no tapering off of well-being at the end of life.
Instead scientists found a clear, linear relationship between age and mental health: The older people were, the happier they felt.
“The consistency was really striking,” said Dilip Jeste, director of the UC San Diego Center for Healthy Aging and senior author of the study. “People who were in older life were happier, more satisfied, less depressed, had less anxiety and less perceived stress than younger respondents.” https://www.latimes.com/science/science ... story.html
There were no dips in well-being in midlife, and no tapering off of well-being at the end of life.
Instead scientists found a clear, linear relationship between age and mental health: The older people were, the happier they felt.
“The consistency was really striking,” said Dilip Jeste, director of the UC San Diego Center for Healthy Aging and senior author of the study. “People who were in older life were happier, more satisfied, less depressed, had less anxiety and less perceived stress than younger respondents.” https://www.latimes.com/science/science ... story.html
Dear_one
Veteran
Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 76
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,721
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines
16 Aug 2020, 5:57 am
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