Being open about AS

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I am happily married to a cute, bright gal who I love and is by far my best friend. (20 years and counting!)

And eye to eye contact with anyone feels intimate to me.

And my bride was born and raised in Texas. And used to shoot competitively.

I think I'll not do much diving in other women's eyes, thank you very much. (I do look into my bride's eyes. They are a pretty blue and they sparkle!)

Reason #1 Because I don't want to. More specifically: I don't want to make eye contact, AND I don't want to hide my autism because there is really nothing wrong about being an autist. And because there are better options available. Such as letting people gently know that people are different in this regard, too.
I think it's plain wrong to think that I (or anyone) should do something (all day long, in fact) that makes one so uncomfortable just so that NT's could have their little neural kicks. Especially considering that everyone else around them is willing to provide them enough said kicks to sustain them. I think I'm well within my rights to ask them politely understand and accept me as I am. Which, so far, seems to be working just fine. Most NT's are decent people perfectly capable of respecting my personal boundaries -and those who are not, deserve to learn some respect.

Reason#2 Being over 40 years old, I have come to the conclusion that even though I could "learn" it to a degree, it will never become natural to me, and therefore, I'm really not going to look as natural as NT's. So why be a bad fake and stress while faking, when there exists the perfectly good option of being myself?

Probably one day I will encounter someone that won't accept me, but would, if I chose the faking route. But I don't want to surround myself with people like that. If we are all civilized people, we can accomplish the necessary things without becoming BFFs. On the other hand, my social capacity is limited. I can't handle very many people in my life -so I might just as well start the culling from the people who don't like me as I am to begin with. Win-win.

Most people who are diagnosed in adulthood are happy and want to share it openly with others.

If I was diagnosed yesterday I'd probably be the same. But I happen to be in the tiny minority of Aspies who were diagnosed in childhood but are female and high-functioning with no speech delays, which kind of makes me feel bitter, as all I can remember from my childhood was the stress of being forced to attend appointments to be assessed and all that stuff, and having a label that no other kid around me had.
No kid wants to go through that, and the shame and resentment of having AS still sticks with me today, hence why I am very closeted about it.

In my opinion are sparkling blue eyes are the most beautiful ones either. But it's a question of personal preferences of course.

Congrats Kaaretp on finally having the answers as to why you felt different your whole life. As for who to tell, that’s entirely up to you. Personally, I would tell no-one, apart from maybe the person/people you feel closest to, and that’s only if you genuinely feel you need to. There’s enough confusion and judgement out there in the world without inviting it upon yourself. I like to just put my head down and get on with life.

I chose everyone because I write letters to my local paper about autism and disability rights.

For me it usually depends on whether the other person would be interested in a positive way, whether their not knowing might lead to their judging me in a bad light. Conversely I'd be reluctant to tell them anything if I felt they took a dim view of ASDers or of people who say they have ASD, or if our interactions didn't show any need for them to know. Who they happen to be doesn't much enter into it.

So I told the people at work who were involved with me on a particular part of the job that was full of Aspie-unfriendly tasks, otherwise they'd have thought I was unco-operative, stupid or lazy, and I might well have ended up in trouble and my livelihood might have ceased to be secure. I didn't tell my co-workers in other parts of the job where I'd always survived well enough before I'd even suspected I might have ASD. I told my sister and brother-in-law, though it didn't change anything. I don't usually mention it to anybody else. I prefer to wing it, which I'd been doing all my life anyway. Most people don't seem interested in any positive way, so there seems no point telling them. I told my partner because she was interested in a positive way, and that allows her to understand me better than she otherwise would. There's no likelihood of her thinking I'm some kind of inferior or that I'm using it as a get-out card, because she believes she has ASD herself (though she hasn't been formally diagnosed as I have) and she understands the condition quite well.

Ultimately for most human interactions it doesn't have much bearing on things because I am what I am, and I'd still be that if it was discovered that ASD didn't exist. I don't see many of my traits as being particularly bad compared with NT traits, and if shared activities challenge my performance because of an Aspie trait, I'm more likely to just mention the trait - "I don't like big noisy parties......I don't do well in crowds.......I don't like big-business sport.......I'm a slow but rigorous thinker........I don't go in for much shallow chit-chat.........I don't go in for rituals........I do better if I do things my own way." If they don't like it they can lump it.

I would add professionals to family, and trusted friends e.g., therapists, advisors, even arts-programs staff experienced with the Autism Spectrum (as well as experiences with developmentally disabled clients).

Ten-years ago, I became acquainted (through an Autism benefit) with an administrative staff at our local university who oversees student teachers. I had a chance to share my experiences with new people.

As has been said, the who to tell decision is likely best decided case by case.

It still strikes me as exceedingly odd how some people react to being informed of your diagnosis, who you are and what you do and how you are did not suddenly begin at the moment of diagnosis, you have already been living it for decades, your autism was/is already part of you and part of the relationship but people react like all of a sudden there is this new and mysterious thing which did not exist yesterday.
Odd.
Very, very, odd.

When I was diagnosed as an adult I told my then-wife and adult stepchildren, and several friends.
Pretty much universally their response was a thoughtful look for a moment then, "Ya know, that would explain that ..., and that ..., and that ..., and ..."
Guess I was lucky that way.

I am inclined to be relatively open about my rather new diagnosis. I am securely retired and an introvert so I think possible repercussions should be less of a problem for me than for someone younger.

Besides, I look good on paper (especially if the piece of paper isn't too big). Maybe I can put some cracks into some preconceptions.

But, I live in the U.S. and both my bride and I are COVID-19 high-risk in more than one way, so I don't think I'll have the opportunity to tell anyone until at least next spring.