Do You Have People Missread What You Write?

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I once took on an assistant, fresh from business school, to help with customer queries. She was quite happy with her work, because she got their addresses into the lower right quadrant of the envelope as taught in school, rather than centered conventionally. Unfortunately, from her letters, the customer could tell that she had read their question, but she never managed to answer one correctly. Often, it was such a word salad that "it wasn't even wrong."

I work hard to say what I want with few words, but I suspect that most people are not quick enough for comprehension. I notice that many writers belabour the point, probably getting through that way.

I'm sure I have read (though I can't remember where) that a classic sign of autism is being very black-and-white in interpreting the words of others, and claiming to be similarly black-and-white with one's own choice of words, but in reality not being exceptionally consistent with either. Some Aspies are certainly more rigid / pedantic than many NTs, but on the other hand less comfortable with nuance, context and emotional variability, so miscommunication issues are still just as likely overall.

The double standards element is interesting. We think we're clear, but that isn't always the case. Even saying that is likely to provoke a storm of outrage, but of course that just proves the point

I'm certainly quite frustrated with a small number of posters here on WP who regularly re-report political gossip, accusations and conspiracy theories from the news as though they're proven evidence of guilt. Someone who is legally accused of wrongdoing is effectively Schrodinger's Defendent - they're in 50/50 suspension until all the evidence is heard and a Court judgement made. Of course, with generalised mud-slinging in the press things don't necessarily get to that stage. There's a nasty art to slandering people without making it easy for them to sue. There are also plenty of rich commentators picking on little guys because they know who can afford the better lawyers. Just make things up and hope that the reputational damage sticks, even when it turns out there's no evidence.

Joining in with this isn't very clever, in my view, particularly if those doing the posting then shout libel when I make things up about them purely to illustrate the point. "That's unfair!". Yes it is, well done, that was the whole lesson here. Don't take wooly, unproven allegations and dress them up as watertight evidence of guilt, and then throw a hissy fit when someone does the same to you.

But as I've said, Aspies can be prone to double standards when it comes to communication. And throwing a hissy fit is a lot easier than admitting you're wrong, isn't it?

Now that you mention it I do this ALL the time to people - sorry in advance. I never go off at people with drama though I'm too lazy for that.

People who do go off at others though should probably stop getting lost in their emotional thought and try to think a bit more logically, not everything is about you. Shrug it off and laugh, nothings worth being that serious over on an online forum. YOU'RE ALL QUEENS. xoxoxoxo

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especially pepe

I hate when people don't read/listen to entire sentences and just respond to a few key words.

Happens quite a bit in my household but at least that's only in spoken conversation & I live with deafened/hard of hearing people and apparently my tone of voice is too high...

I feel like I have fewer means of communication than NTs. I have obvious gesture/facial expression, literal words, metaphors I made myself, the occasional cliche which I have read and memorised as a kid (maybe a form of masking I'm not sure?) and my pictures (I draw/paint).

I can only lay things between the lines when I am writing poetry or drawing/painting. I have to think carefully about the symbolism of that and would not waste it on pettiness. My prose and spoken English is pretty literal and easy to decipher if listened to/read properly. But every word is needed and chosen with care.

I used to not read between the lines when it came to other people's conversation. Now I keep seeing stuff that isn't there. It's cos of my social anxiety and awareness that NTs hide stuff in what they're saying. I find it hard to look at mum's naturally tired face and not see anger, sadness or disappointment in it. Logically of course, it's still an inability to read between the lines, just my anxiety crafts its own meanings.

I have had this done to me from both sides, NTs and autistic people. I also think people will do this because there is emotion involved and some people just get triggered. I call it twisting words when they put words in your mouth or change your argument or change what you wrote. I also know people will do it on purpose to distract you so I have learned to ignore what they say and only stick with my own argument and not let them change it. Then soon they give up. Try it.

There is also cherry pickers, I hate that too. You may show them something to make a point and they will only pick out what they were looking for totally missing the point.

Go in PPR or any political topics here and you will see this.

I think the only reason why this may happen here too is because autistic people are also human and maybe they are so used to interacting with NTs, they have learned their language and they forget they are on an autism forum and may forget they may also be interacting with another autistic person here. Or they just lack that characteristic to take things literal.

My biggest problem is with accidentally stirring up prejudice, in person or in prose. Once I was organizing a meeting, and told a woman that I didn't make coffee. She was quite offended, and only partly mollified by my explanation that I just didn't know how to make it properly, because I never drank it, and instant coffee had gone out of fashion.

Types of reading/misreading;

What was written: "I had been engaged".

How it was misread as...
Decoding: "I had been enraged" Wait, what???
Attentional: ".. been engaged!.." Hmm...

Assumptions:
Typical: "I'm getting married!" Aw, good for you!
Caetextia: "I had been occupied" What were you doing?

Confused: ".. Was too busy or getting married today???" Which? Why? When? HUH? *Ask or not ask?*

Envious/Bitter, assuming romance: "I'm happy because I have a fiancee, and you don't!" Hate, hate you.
Cynical/Possibly hedonistic, assuming romance: "I lost the game by getting scammed by emotion called love." Ha! Good luck! What a sucker!




There are mind exercises to something like this, by playing in certain lenses of mindsets, state of mind, and emotions.

Some states... Are 'less voluntary' than another, depending on the person...

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I re-read what i write and i'm like aw stuff.. i know what i mean in my head when i write it but sometimes i confuse myself which if you ever read my post will usually contain a "if that makes sense" disclaimer.
In fact I misinterp'd something someone wrote this morning. And nobody is allowed to part before me as this will ensure a tirade of comments of confusion as I am confused you are confused. makes sense? but yeah seriously i often have to re-read things including instructions as i am not the best at making mental images from text.

I'm reminded of what happens when a politician is asked a question. They just talk about whatever they please. See viewtopic.php?f=3&t=383445&p=8669251#p8669251 and see if you can do any better.

I experience this as well. The hidden meaning that isn't there. Or just plain misreading what I said. Putting words in my mouth.

Has mostly happened on Wrong Planet though. To the point where I'm mostly only going make simple posts in the random and games section. Try to avoid getting into a conversation from now on. Severely limit giving my opinion.

I try to write short, precise sentences to minimise it - but of course, misreading happens all the time.

My last misread: the poster wrote "bigot", I read "bigfoot". Repeatedly.
It was funny to try to make sense of it before I spotted what was wrong

OH YESSSS!

This is sometimes true here on WP - that is the original posts which have received say around 100 views/reads, and very little (if any responses) may be good indicators of misunderstood writing.