College was disappointing both academically and socially

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It's like any other type of hunting that sustains one's survival. You don't stop until you've succeeded.

Yeah, college isn't guaranteed to be a good social experience. It mostly is for people who have decent social skills and for people who find their niche and are good at what they're doing.

People here are online strangers. Even with my best friends on here, if they tell me things I disagree with, I don't listen. They don't know the ins and outs of your life.

Plus meet one autistic person and you met one autistic person.

One thing I learnt on here is that some autistic people have a genuine desire to socialise. That's not me but good for them/you.

My uni used to be a poly back in the day, before teachers went to uni, & I agree with Kraftie that for autistic people, college can be harder than uni. A lot of my old bullies ended up going to FE college. You end up with nerdier types at uni, types who have their heads down/concentrate on studies most of the time in class and only really act out at night when they become typical student drunks etc.

I think university in America has different meaning to in the UK. I think fewer places are considered unis over there. I wonder if some of the community colleges teach the same stuff that polytechnics used to teach here? Stuff like teacher training.

Going to “college” in the US is exactly equivalent to going to “Uni” in the UK.

Though we have “two-year,” “community” colleges which might be loosely equivalent to the UK A-levels—though credits earned in these colleges count towards a university degree.

We have “colleges” within university systems—like Oxford and Cambridge. But there are many single university-level institutions which are simply called “colleges.”

I got my BA from Marymount Manhattan COLLEGE. You could get a BA from New York UNIVERSITY—but primarily take classes in a certain “college” devoted to what you’re pursuing your BA in.

“College,” in the UK, is used for A-level schools, 6th Form colleges, and vocational schools, from my understanding.

A vocational school in the US is rarely called a “college.” “College” implies academic emphasis.

Disclaimer: US-centric post, where "college" and "university" are basically the same thing.

If you went to only one college for all 4 years, and never at least visited another college, you'd be floored how different colleges are. My own college was boring as hell! It was basically a glorified high school social-wise; the only difference was that you could smoke cigarettes. There were no parties, keggers, homecoming assemblies, and such, that make life fun and bring people together. In 4 years, I had only one girlfriend who was boring and unattractive, and didn't make close friends. The architecture sucked. There was mostly red brick resembling bland offices, and the rest were uninviting Brutalism structures. Only two Gothic buildings looked cool, and the college bought them, not built them. A few years after I graduated, one of them was sold to a developer and torn down.

But when I visited friends (pre-existing from before college) at their colleges, it was like night and day! There were spontaneous-looking crowds of people gathering everywhere. The building architecture was so much nicer, a great mix of old and new: a 100-year-old Beaux Arts recital hall (for the Music Department, presumably) that once was a church, right next to a Mies Van Der Rohe building for the Math Department. But the best part were the parties! The people were so friendly! I made out (UK: snogged) with two girls after spending just a few hours on the campus and inadvertently crashing a party! There's no way in freaking hell that could happen at my own college, just no way.

TL;DR version: If your college is disappointing socially, transfer somewhere else, preferably out of state, before it's too late for you.

Why are people such absolute snobs about community college then?

I always assumed it was the equivalent of an FE college. Somewhere you can get a vocational qualification to do jobs which are considered 'upper working class' such as hairdressing, mechanic, builder etc but can't get a degree. Somewhere also used by old people/adults in general can also go in their free time in order to learn something like holiday Spanish or hobby painting etc.

Does it just cost less or is there a difference between community college & other forms of college in America?

Is there that kind of hobby course in America (presumably there is) & where do they do it?

Job hunting should be a full time job itself if you are serious at landing a good job. For example, it took me one year of solid job hunting to land my first job after college. I made it a goal to apply to a new job at least once a day. I submitted over three hundred applications before I was interviewed in person. One cannot give up. You have to be proactive to be successful in landing a good job. Do not be afraid to call them back after a couple of days after an interview to see if there is any news. That can show to the employer that you are very interested.

One thing else that I can add is to have someone go through you resume/CV to see what can be polished. Each application letter needs to be tailored to the job that you are applying for. I learned that you can start with a basic form letter and modify it to fit.

Yeah it's one thing to fall into a mental breakdown as I did after being rejected from hundreds of jobs a day.

Rejected from one job?

If you're mentally ill as a result of that, it's the straw that broke the camel's back.

If you're just sad, quit being so hard on yourself, get back in the saddle & start again.

I'm far from a capitalist but the notion of giving up after seeking out one specific job? That's not an autism thing. It's not a 'bad candidate' thing. It doesn't make you a failure. Everyone gets rejected sometimes.

There are more vocational courses and certificate programs in community colleges than in 4-year colleges. In addition to regular academic courses.

There shouldn’t be snobbery. The credits gained in community colleges count the same as credits gained in 4-year colleges.

If one gains an Associates Degree from a community college, it is easily transferable to a 4-year college, where the student goes for a further 2 years to obtain the Bachelor’s (if they do it according to a conventional timetable). An Associates Degree is hardly ever a “terminal” degree. The Associates serves as a sort of guarantee that a student could do well in a 4-year college.

Many successful people went first to a community college, then went for the last 2 years to the 4-year college. And went on to advanced degrees. Sometimes, people aren’t ready for the rigors of the 4-year college right away, so they go to community college instead.

The standards of the courses in both types of colleges depend more on the professors than on the type of college the courses are in. Many great professors teach in community colleges because of the great amount of competition in the academic field. Many professors in 4-year colleges, on tenure, do not teach all that well because they are complacent.

My nephew failed out of 4-year college, went to community college, then went back to a 4-year college to complete his Bachelor’s.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 09 Jan 2021, 12:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm sorry things haven't worked out for you regarding college. I know a lot of people I went to high school with who didn't enjoy college after they started following graduation, most of them left to get a job instead and seem to be happier that way. Most of my college experience has been online (even pre-pandemic). For me, I've preferred online courses because there seems to be less pressure to interact with others and I feel much less socially-anxious in them. The only thing that kicks up the anxiety is the discussion board aspect we have in many classes where we have to interreact with other students. Social stuff in college can be hard, even though overall, I found the people in college nicer than the people I went to high school with. It still was a stressor though for me to be on campus. During my time that I did spend on campus, I made one friend that I bonded with over common interests that had nothing to do really with our studies. Sadly, she was dismissed from the school for having low grades. It made me not want to return to the campus in person as well as the commute being a pain. Another advantage in my life to online classes is not having the stress of driving 30 minutes each way four days a week.

If you are still hoping to get a degree but don't want the pressure of social stuff, I'd maybe look into taking some courses online if you can. If not, that's okay too. I'm starting to find more and more that post high-school plans aren't "one path fits all" (if that makes sense). There are many paths you can take and you may find your niche that way.

Good luck!

A bit like my first uni then.

It used to be a poly.

Until the 90s the only people taught there were teachers. Even when I went, whenever I said I went there people said 'oh, so you're going to be a teacher?'

Not the same thing as a vocational course teaching hairdressing but still vocational. My MA is vocational too - librarianship. Nowadays you need an MA to be a librarian and a degree (of any kind, so scientists & mathematicians are highly welcome esp in academic uni where they might understand different books to those the more typical English Literature graduates understand) to work in a library - at least before it all became full of volunteers.

In the US, an MS in Library Science is an academic degree. and is required for positions in libraries above circulation clerk.

In the US, people usually become teachers by majoring in Education in undergrad, doing student teaching, finishing the BA, then passing the state certification. They can get positions in public schools, with the requirement that they obtain the Master’s in five years. School districts usually pay for that Master’s tuition.

I did just that in my academic career. Started at the community college level and then graduated up to the university. My parents were poor, so we picked the cheapest way to get to a college degree. I had offers from major universities when I graduated high school, but turned them down because I could not afford the cost to go there long term, even with student loans.

I do not regret going to community college to get my starting point in my college career. One of the best professors I ever had was teaching there at that time. Universities are often filled with what I would call “dead wood”. Once many of those professors reach tenure, they basically stop caring about the job of trying to actually teach students. Unfortunately students have to learn the hard way which ones are going to be like that. Some of the worse professors that I have ever had to deal with were at the university level. They were not even old, yet acted like they were retired from teaching others.

For the record, I teach at the university level, but on a non-tenure track appointment. I have the highest fill rate ratio of students in my department. Last month, I had a fill rate above 90% for this upcoming semester. My closest runner up was in the low 60% range. When asked by some of the snobbish tenured professors why that was the case, I simply replied “I actually try to actively engage the students when I teach them.”. They took that as an insult, rather than advice to bring up their enrollment numbers. If you truly care about your subject matter, it is real easy to do. Students will naturally tell others who are the good ones to take and which ones to avoid.

It’s the combination of rejection from doing my best to get a date, the college social atmosphere being disappointing, and the bullying I have to go through at the only job I’ve had in my life, not just not getting a new job. All of those things broke the camel’s back so can you really blame me for feeling like a failure?

I shouldn’t have come back after I felt like I couldn’t partake in this community anymore.

Yeah that makes sense.

Sorry you've been through all that.