Annica wrote:
Hi folks,
I'm a self diagnosed aspie. I only realized I'm on the spectrum after my daughter was diagnosed. Most of my family and friends don't have any idea I'm likely an aspie and I've managed to live a very successful life so far. I was bullied and teased quite a bit as a kid but since the age of about 25 things have improved dramatically. I have a well paying job a beautiful wife and 2 gorgeous kids. I work in a very demanding career in which the general public would not expect someone on the spectrum to have.
from my understanding of the general publics understanding of autism, they would expect anyone on the spectrum to have any job. Quote:
My 4 year old daughter was diagnosed about a year ago and we feel she is likely similar to me. She is very bright but she does get quite dysregulated. She also isn't picking up social boundaries and cues very well, but she is amazing with puzzles and drawing. Very much like I was when I was a child. She also has a slight speech delay but I was very advanced with my language.
I have a dilemma as I want to respect her future wishes. I don't want society to define who she is and influence her self image from a young age. I know if I was diagnosed at a young age, the kids I went to school with would have been relentless and made me feel worse. I'm glad no one knew and no one knows that I'm most likely on the spectrum. I personally am proud of the fact that I'm an aspie as I see it as my super power which has enabled me to do things others can only dream of. But I know that in my career, I would not have been allowed to progress if anyone suspected I had this "disability" My extended family are very competitive and love to gossip and spread rumors. If they were to find out my daughter is on the spectrum, they would tell the whole world.
As someone who told people at school about my autism, I dont think it wouldve made any difference. but I didnt get bullied much in school. Id also like to point out that as an autistic person its easy to spot others so im sure people noticed but didnt confront you about it. I have no clue what your career is but unless its like politics i dont think this would be the case.
I think we have very different point of views. What is so bad about people knowing. You seem to feel like its something to hide and you are going to be persecuted if it comes out. I understand it can be frustrating having extended family members who are gossips. Quote:
I'm leaning towards keeping the diagnosis to only those who need to know, and just tell our friends and family that my daughter has a speech delay and she is improving each day. Our therapists have told us she will most likely have a very normal life as long as we keep up with the interventions. I know some people will suspect she may be on the spectrum, but I don't want to make it known to everyone as I feel like it's my daughters decision to make whether her cousins and friends know about her condition. I know I definitely would not have wanted anyone to know if I had a diagnosis. My wife hates the fact that we are not telling anyone as she feels uncomfortable trying to explain my daughters slight speech delay and her dysregulation to people, but I personally don't care what people think and I respect my daughters right to keep the info secret if she choses to. Once we tell people, we can't take it back. I know society is becoming more accepting and empowering in this day and age, but part of me is really conscious and respectful of what my daughter would want when she's older and can make this decision herself.
Any advice from fellow aspies and or parents in the same situation would be greatly appreciated.
Heres the thing. Secrets tend to have a way of getting out. If anyone either already knew about autism or did research into itd likely be fairly obvious. They might be like this seems like more then a speech delay. As someone who grew up with most people knowing im autistic i will say this. I doubt anyone wouldve treated me any more or less negative if they didnt know because of how i acted. I didnt act like other children. As someone whos been open about my autism for years, I also know people sometimes react negatively although more so on the internet than real life.
I don’t like or agree with how you are treating the condition like it something to be ashamed of to hide at all costs. IMO that could easily lead to self hatred. By teaching your children to hide that you are also teaching them to be ashamed of it. Teaching them theres something wrong with it. I remember growing up my mom lying to the schools about my diagnoses and how much worse it made my experience with that school. Regardless of your opinions on the subject dont try to hide it from the school system its just stupid. I was harrased and bullied by teachers because of my mothers decision to lie. The school system needs to know regardless of whether or not you trust them. Personally I domt trust school systems on bit and I know how apathic they can be. Accommodations help tremendously. I dont know how you personally feel but you give me the vibe that autism is something to be ashamed of to be hidden and hope no one finds out that is not a healthy mindset.
My personal opinion is that its important to let the child know sooner rather than later. When i was younger from what i remember I kind of already knew. I mean i was diagnosed with other stuff before autism namely ADHD and dysgraphia. I wish people wouldve helped me to understand what it meant. No one really told me what it meant. I had to learn about what it meant on my own. I was diagnosed in 5th grade as im diagnosed with PDD-nos It wasnt obvious what that meant as the term is rarely used. I just kept hearing the word and I was like wonder what that means. in 6th grade i started researching the subject and eventually led to me joining this forum. My parents werent very accepting of me learning about it. Not that it mattered much. I mean they made no effort to prevent me from doing so but they strongly disapproved.
When I decided to disclose it I didnt know enough about it. That being said there was an autistic kid in my class who was inspired to get diagnosed by my openness ofc he wanted to be my friend but i was clueless. Honestly I dont regret it. Nothing crazy happened. I wasnt chased out of the school by angry mob with pitchforks and torches. No one tried to use it against me. Some people mocked me but they werent in my class and so likely didnt know. Im not saying everyone needs to know heck i think it was foolish for me to do that but it doesnt matter now. I just want to point out as someone who told people about it from a young age nothing nightmareish happened. Tbh I dont think anyone really cared. I was just the weird smart kid.
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ever changing evolving and growing
I am pieplup i have level 3 autism and a number of severe mental illnesses. I am rarely active on here anymore.
I run a discord for moderate-severely autistic people if anyone would like to join. You can also contact me on discord @Pieplup or by email at [email protected]
31 Jan 2021, 3:53 am
