Question about having sadism and ASD at the same time

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Thank you!

However, I do understand that two wrongs don't make it right and it is illegal.

I don't have a criminal record. I wasn't even arrested.

I don't know what was going on inside my head, I thought I downloaded child pornography, but then I heard one police officer explaining to my parents that I did not do anything wrong and nor there was conclusive evidence that I had the right motivation to harm children ( although I am sexually attracted to children).

I feel confused, because I looked at porn that looked like child pornography, but then the police thought did nothing wrong.

What is wrong with me?

I don't understand who I even am anymore.

I am more worried about having thoughts of killing my bullies.

I am also being treated for abnormal sexual attraction.

You're sexually attracted to children? That is actually illegal in most societies, sorry to say. Aren't you attracted to women (or guys) that are adults?
I know you seem confused and worried about your thoughts, so I don't want to judge you.

Thank you! I understood.

But having sexual fantasies, specifically about children is not a crime, unless you act on them.

Thank you! I understood.

I was just confused because according to law enforcement, I did not do anything wrong and there were no conclusive evidence that I had the right motivation to harm children.

I meant to say that having criminal thoughts is not a crime unless you act on them.

I will talk about my problems to my psychologist and my psychiatrist.

I think you’ve done a pretty good job laying out some of the issues. And please feel free to use us as one more good resource at times of your choosing.

Hello FranzOren

Sorry to hear about your present and ongoing struggles, and i have to say, it is very brave of you to be extremely honest about what you are experiencing.

I also commend you for explaining how you feel, as this is an extremely important act which needs to be performed in order to get the right help.

If you are obsessing about committing violent criminal acts, it would be best for you to explain this to a good doctor, ideally a psychologist or psychiatrist, or both the latter.

A psychologist should be able to council you for your frame of mind, which the psychiatrist should be able to prescribe you some form of medication that will reduce the amount of distressing violent thoughts that you experience.

I can not say as to whether you need anti-psychotics, as not all people do. The nature of some people's thoughts some time is more on the Obsessive Compulsive side rather than the violent side. So perhaps meds to treat OCD may be more suitable. I am not a psychiatrist nor a psychologist, nor a medical doctor, so i can not say. Best ask the right people, as soon as you can.

With regards to your attraction to children. This is also not normal and is considered a disgraceful type of crime in almost all current societies. Please DO NOT TAKE ACTION with regards to your unhealthy attraction towards children.

As if you do and you get caught, your life will pretty much be over. Not to mention the damage that you will have done to the children.

People in society do not have any sympathy for any adult that does anything sexual to children.
Many normal people would quiet happily hurt or even kill a person who has abused a child.
Criminals also would take pride in killing child molesters.

Please keep that in mind, and please get to a psychiatrist for your own good and the good of any of your potential victims.

With regards to your bullies. Please do not think i am taking their side. I am not.
I do not know your bullies and am also strongly an anti-bully.

I think that most of the time violence is not the answer to solve your problems.
You could do with finding another outlet to keep your mind busy.

perhaps a hobby like craft, music, or art, may be a way to keep your mind busy.
So you can spend your time enjoying yourself and learning to forget those who have hurt you.

That is what I recommend otherwise you will spend your life obsessing over hurting people
which often can lead to really committing violent crimes, which you will possibly get caught doing,
and either land yourself in prison or perhaps even taking your own life. Which ever, not a good solution.

Imagine how much happier you would be if you were to paint pictures, take photos (not of children), or play the piano / guitar / DJ.

Perhaps join a social group where you have a shared interest.
And rebuild your life.

Hope you feel better soon.

Thank you! That is a very good advice.

I am feeling much better, but those thoughts I have and this attraction I have is causing me distress.

There are two things I would like you to seriously consider:

1- It is clear that you are experiencing emotional trauma. You do need to seek professional medical help in dealing with what you are going through. If you do not feel like you can trust your school psychiatrist, you can find other public mental health organizations in your community. Please seek out the professional help you need. I am saying this for the sake of your own well being, as I don't believe it is likely that you will actually harm others.

2- While certainly a concern, I don't think what you are experiencing is as alarming as you might be led to believe. Revenge fantasies are more common than people realize, and everyone struggles with anger from time to time. And its quite natural for people to feel this way if they've experienced bullying and abuse.

I have at times entertained the thought that everyone who has ever abused me has gotten away with it without suffering any negative consequences, and that signals to others that they can continue to get away with abusing me in the future. I have entertained fantasies of revenge against individuals who've hurt me, some of which could be described as sadistic. I've also at time felt angry at the entirety of humanity and had fantasies of revenge against the whole world. These fantasies are usually absurd and involve supervillain-like schemes. And there have even been times when I've felt that if I could realistically find the opportunity and means to exact violent revenge on certain individuals and a guarantee that I wouldn't face any legal or social consequences, that I couldn't be certain I would not do it. And I have disclosed all of that to therapists and case managers without any of them becoming alarmed that there is any threat that I could actually become violent.

It is easy for me to go to very dark places in my mind when I'm alone and dwell on things. I've found that by finding work in a space I am comfortable and being around students and co-workers my darker thoughts go away. I know its not easy for people like us, but if you can find a space where you feel safe and friends you are comfortable around it will help a lot.

What I'm trying to say is that its highly unlikely that you will become a violent criminal just because you have disturbing thoughts. But also that you need to seek out help in dealing with what you're going through.

The reality is that people with developmental disorders are at a significantly higher risk of suicide than being violent toward others.

Also keep in mind that, unless specified otherwise, none of us are psychiatric professionals. It is very important that you do speak to a professional.

Thank you! I understood.

I also explained the same thing on my topic.

The link to the topic that I explained about mental health disorders, especially developmental disorders in the same way, but it is university level.

My link:

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