Coming Across Even More Different Than I Realized

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Its important to pick/select when and where and with whom you choose to stick to your guns or go with the flow. Sometimes its strategically better to tow the line where its not wise to cause dissent. This is particularly important with girls and with your job.

After many years of experience, I really have no interest in conforming to anyone's expectations. I think the smarter strategy is to choose romantic partners and jobs that allow me to be myself. Why would I want to be with a person or people who made me repress my real self?

*It's "toe the line".

N=1 means it is the perspective of one person.

The OP is acknowledging that he is only one person, and that somebody else could have had a different life experience.

The thought scares me enough that I don't want to know! I'll settle for knowing that I seem odd, a bit weird, quirky, a bit strange, etc., without having too much detail.

My thought exercise on this topic notes that I am on the inside looking out. I see a bunch of other people but I cannot see through their eyes and I cannot see myself. I know I am a "people" so I naturally assumed I looked like all of the rest of them. It was a mystery to me why Reality seemed to treat specifically me differently from everyone else.

It took me 64 years to find out that the reason was that I was on the Autism Spectrum. But I don't want too much detail on how I am perceived by others.

People perceive me as weird. I’m used to it. I’ve known this since age 6. Big deal!

Spot-on and wise.

Seems it's kind of like walking into a pitch-dark room with an intense narrow-beam flashlight (or even laser) as opposed to carrying a lantern: the illumination/focus is much the more precise and intense, yet circumscribed.

Has liabilities for sure -- but also some real advantages.
Think the trick is in first knowing these, and then as able setting up the field so as to optimize advantage, minimize liability.

Beginning now to appreciate your perspective!
Enlightenment I am here finding.

I have sat with this post for a few weeks. I read it while visiting my bf after spending time with him and a friend of his I had never met. They were talking about things that didn't matter to me so I started petting the dog and watching television and just checked out mentally for like 3 hours or so.

Anyways, this post brought up a lot for me. I will share here, sorry it's a bit scattered.

Women describe me as a sort of unicorn female. Free-spirited, strong, brave, willing to live my life according to my own beliefs, desires, and never really worrying about what others think. This is accurate and has been true since I can remember. At the same time, they don't friend me, don't invite me to anything, and sometimes become very mean to me treating me like a misbehaving little girl or teen. There are a few rare ones, that keep me on, but in isolation of their other friends.

This, of course, is not limited to women, men see me as odd too at first perceiving me as different, but then struggling to deal with the "differences" for example not chasing them, not chastising them, being absorbed in my own self.

At work a new job, I realized that I was already standing out. Not intentionally but because I don't know how to be a girl like the other women, I don't understand the point of what they are talking about.

These people see me as a freak. I used to think maybe I came off as arrogant or standoffish, and have been accused of being snobby/or a know it all as a kid. But when I read this post I realized I was the joke. I was Phoebe from friends, the butt of all jokes, but at the same time completely unawares and just living her life. It hurts a lot, and I know that some people find me wonderful, but still don't include me or stand by me through things.

It's like they want the association with me, for some reason I come off as slightly cool, alternative, authentic...but at the same time, they don't want me around because maybe I won't fit or don't fit.

After being with my bf, I realized that maybe he too might feel this way as well, I am not sure yet, but I have decided to not really focus on making connections anymore or trying to be friends, find common ground, I am just myself and people can take it or leave it.

Shrug.

Oh wow, neat thread, thanks for digging it up.

Funny, I actually embraced being a freak, because I've noticed that humans are less likely to attack when you are cool with being one. So guess I'm even weirder than proper autistic people here, since it never hurt me I'm seen as a weirdo, I was just glad to avoid abuse that those who were not cool with being freaks got (and they weren't even nearly as weird as me).

I think when people feel you are weird but harmless, you can end up as kind of a pet. You might be one to your bf, and I think I ended up as one to my ex partner too in the past...


Anyway, guess unlike me, autistic people actually have pride, since you like to be admired? Ehh, looks like I need another label then... I thought about sociopath, but people argue that to be proper sociopath one has to be violent, aggressive and ambitious, while I prefer cooperation... Wait, or maybe autistic sociopath would actually be fitting? :3

Hmm...I don't like to be admired I am not sure how you got that impression. Its not something I try for its what people say to me and how I am described by others. I should be clear, I don't think it reflects reality (at least not the coolness stuff etc). I don't want to be seen as a freak as it wouldn't work for me professionally and I have to be professional.

Your point about being a pet, hmm.. I wouldn't really mind that. I don't think he sees me that way though but he might.

I might be wrong, but I took it from here:

This is where I got the impression that you actually have a pride. But I might be wrong of course, would love to understand it though.

me...my whole person as a friend to them, not me superficially. Of course, I want to be a good friend, gf, mother to the people I love and for them to think I am wonderful. Is this pride?

Hmm, not sure what do you mean by love exactly... When I care about someone, I want to make them happy, that's it. Why should I care if they think I'm wonderful? I don't think I even understand what 'wonderful' is supposed to mean in this context...

Heh, looks like I really have problem understanding normal humans... :3

I think maybe you are overthinking my post, my life, my words I use. I'm not sure. I just think the meaning you're adding to my description is somewhat overblown. With that said I don't think there is anything else I can add or explain without you continuing to have the same problem or adding your meaning or feelings to what I say. I have no idea if you have problems understanding normal humans ..in my experience there is no such thing. I might add that seeing things outside of your own experience or opinion could be difficult for you I'm not sure. I just kinda don't feel like trying to help you understand me.Shrug.

No problem, what you wrote still helps actually, so thanks :3

This is a very interesting insight. Your first instinct in this case is probably correct with your female friends. I've observed NT girls and they can be very conniving and highly complex in their relationships. I would say the relationships you have with female friends is very much like "friends with benefits" in terms of them finding you quirky (in a Phoebe/Friends kind of way) which is entertaining when the mood strikes them (this is kind of similar to boy/girl friends with benefits where they hang out and if the sexual timing aligns (like stars) then sex happens. Otherwise nothing. Same way if the mood strikes them they like you and get a kick out of your quirkiness but (of course) they are climbing social ladders (all NTs do) and can't afford to carry "social baggage" that they can't explain to their socially upwardly mobile female friends. I would not take it personally. It's pretty universal.

Now your B/F is a different matter. You have value to him which is why he wants to be your B/F. You have something that he needs. As long as he needs this then I wouldn't worry about losing him.