Affairs...

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what i was saying is that i wish i was socially smarter. my life would have developed much more normally if i had some of that, i might have even rated a wife.

Ah, I can get that. I feel the same. Even for those aspies who can compensate intellectually to some extent, still they're going to be sidelined by Average Joes in basically all areas of life because of lack of social smarts. I'm married but I make less than 30% of what my brother, a college dropout, does today.

you're sorta my aspie hero for easily snagging a mate when i don't have any real clue about doing so.

It wasn't easy. She was the first woman to date me. Before I met her, I felt like I was on a conveyor belt of rejection. Couldn't get a date whatsoever. Women gave me a chance for a few hours, then decided I wasn't worth their time and moved on. I think the fact that my wife didn't leave me says much more about her and her open-mindedness than me.

you are fortunate indeed. any kids?

Thank you!

Wife is pregnant with a baby girl at 32 weeks.

as they say, you got your work cut out for you, raising a girl. a daughter is always a daughter. soon, soon.

No doubt about it. We were all boys in my family so my experience with handling girls can be written on the back of a bus ticket. Hopefully it won't stay that way though.

do ask trustworthy folk for advice. dr. spock is time-tested and timeless.

I had the chance to be with a guy that I really liked. But that would have meant that he would be cheating on his girlfriend with me. I couldn't handle that idea.

Years later he got into contact with me again and said that he had split from his girlfriend. One of the reasons was because she didn't like having sex as much as he did. That's when I told him that I'm asexual. He cut contact with me and I later found that he had gotten married and had a baby girl with his new wife. That could have been me. If I wasn't asexual. Damn.

First of all, thank you for having Fluttershy as your pic/avatar; it caused a smile that is still hanging around...

To hold both of these thoughts simultaneously is magic!

Oh hell, I've done it three times. Come to think of it, I've had three heart attacks too - there might be a connection...

Anyway, the old adage, 'Be careful what you wish for' springs immediately to mind. Cause here's the thing: I am a master mask-wearer. I have masks for every occasion - and have blended in seamlessly in both a crack house and the White House; but it's all a lie. *I* cannot 'snag a mate' because it is not *me* who is presenting. If 'she' falls for me, she's falling for the character I am playing - not me. If she met the real me, she'd run. So, yeah I snagged a mate'. Then, instead of masking up whenever I left my home and ventured into NT-land, I had to stay masked 24/7/365. It's tough having no where that it feels safe to be yourself. You can't even enter your own home without a mask on - hell, try sleeping with a mask on...it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Sooner or later, I hit burnout. The mask falls off and with it, the lynchpin that kept the whole structure aloft. The benefit of a relationship built upon a lie isn't worth the pain of dissolution in my opinion.

truly sorry about the coronaries, ouch. big ouch. the difference between you and me is you at least CAN ACT for a variable length of time, you can ACT in a socially acceptable way. i wear my freak flag on my sleeves and cannot hide it [cannot ACT] even for a second. you could apply intelligent and extreme masking and succeed in this world, even if it is at an extreme cost. i would have liked to have had at least a taste of that, for better or worse.

It definitely is an advantage to be able to mask well. It is also definitely a disadvantage if you're not realising you're masking, or build your life around it. Nobody can hold a mask 24/7. (Would've loved to visit the White House though!)

Being able to put on a mask for a job interview, for example, is obviously great, because at least you get the foot in the door so that the boss might consider giving you a chance. Same with relationships. If I hadn't acted "tactfully" when I started out dating, I might've just been dumped after a few days. When my mask did in fact start to come apart, my wife had already got to know me well enough to decide it was worth continuing. I couldn't ever imagine continuing to mask beyond that, though. I would've collapsed from the stress.

natural selection favors the higher-functioning ones who can mask long enough to reproduce.

Very Wrong in my opinion. I have never had a relationship for very long or had many at all but one thing I have always had trouble understanding is affairs or cheating. I think in a relationship, it's completely normal to look at other people and think they are attractive, that's natural and you can't help that. But if you would rather be with someone else, I think you should be honest and tell your partner that. I value loyalty very highly.