Ever been judged by another autistic/aspie?

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I think it's less to do with the ability to pass, but more about conditioning.


With an ability to pass, a person is conditioned to keep it up.
It can be as innocuous as a parent emphasizing their child has higher IQ -- or insisting the child has aspergers instead of autism, to outright narcissistic abuse.

Without an ability to pass, a person isn't conditioned to keep it up.
Yet still, in most societies, it is a desirous trait to 'look up to'.


Personally, it takes more than a person's ability to pass as well in order to be judgmental or sensitive about that.
It takes a cultivated pride and ego. It takes a form of self image and standards to 'maintain' and therefore 'protect'.
And thus the root of fear of 'being found out' -- being lumped with the severely disabled along with it.

Yes ... and with practically every post I have made on this website.

Now now, let's not pretend that hasn't been a two way street.

You have proven my point.

Are you really going to try and claim you're not highly judgmental yourself?

I've been judged by many aspies here in WP. I've been called lower functioning by one member, I've had a couple of members misgender me, a few members called me a Nazi because I'm relic from the 30s/40s and I love a certain country, I had one member trying to twist my words recently and I'm sure that there are a lot of members who don't have the same stance on life that I do who think that I should travel back to the years of the baby boom. I find myself being careful with the words that I post, because I would like to vent in peace without my words being twisted.

I think that is because a lot of people on WP are politically correct or follow the woke culture and don't like it when someone has an "old-fashioned" view on things. I'm not the most politically correct person and I have to try and sugarcoat things here to avoid people jumping down my throat or twisting my words. I'm not the smartest person here either so I'm likely to be outsmarted by some of the know-it-alls that lurk around some of the subforums (which is why I stay away from the PPR section).

A lot of Aspies here also have the "live and let live" attitude towards life, and while this isn't a bad thing, it can make you quite a dull person and nobody is obliged to tolerate everybody - as long as you don't go around upsetting people or posting extreme biased BS about a group of people, it is OK to judge sometimes. Like I said before in this thread, nobody likes being judged yet everybody does it. It's human nature. I do judge people to a lesser degree than most NT people do, but I still sometimes don't agree on some cultures or trends or whatever and I like to discuss it with people, but NTs are the best people to discuss stuff like that to because Aspies here just get too defensive about everything.

There was a fellow aspie that I worked with.

In the privacy of my thoughts I would "judge" him in a certain thing...that he didnt apply himself to learn a certain basic work skill that I DID exert myself to master. I figured that I was "in the same boat as he...and mastered this thing so why cant he?". But I never spoke of it out loud.

But I was more judgemental toward a certain supervisor lady (supposedly NT though she might well have had ADD tendencies) for saying certain illogical things and setting a bad example. And I spoke to her about it. But that didnt go well.

I’ve never felt myself really being judged by another autistic person that I’ve met. But I will admit to being quick to judge other autistic people I’ve met.

The number one example that comes to mind is a girl I met at the summer volunteer program I’ve been doing for the past three years. I did not have a particularly high opinion of this girl because she seemed like a “horse girl” (and yes, I’m now aware those are often autistic) and seemed to be too squeamish for the job we were doing (to give a specific example, she fainted at the sight of a quail carcass when the job is at an exotic animal sanctuary, where animals are often given carcasses to eat). So I had just sort of dismissed her. But this summer, when I saw her for the first time in two years, I learned she was autistic, which didn’t even cross my mind back then. And now I have a newfound respect for her.

For another example, my best friend, who I’ve known since elementary school, is autistic, though that’s something I’ve only become aware of in the past year. Before I knew that, I did feel myself mildly judging her in the past for being far more prone to panic than I am (such as crying when our teacher was expressing generalized frustration with the class, thinking he was targeting her even though she was a perfectly good student) as well as being hyper-sensitive to gross things.

I associate in one way or another with autistic children and adults as clients (NHS), fellow professionals and family members.

Overall I have found neurodivergent people to be generally less judgemental then PNT's - I feel that I am accepted more for who I am with a low level or value judgements evident.

That doesnt apply to all though and just because someone else shares a particular identification doesnt mean that they are going to share values, outlook and core beliefs. A good example for me of this is the relationship that I have with my son in law. Despite having a very similar lived experience and level or intelligence we do not like each other too much and I frequently feel that he is making discreet judgements all the time on how I am and my interactions with family. I tend to avoid him as much as possible.

As an aside, I have in general experienced a greater level of unconditional regard and acceptance from those that identify as gay or those who are more fluid in relation to their sexual orientation, which is how I regard myself. But thats a whole other subject.

Yes, I feel like I’ve been judged by other Aspies. I certainly have judged other autistics and have thought I was, “higher-functioning/needs less support” than them based on some being non-verbal, or if they had a parent or caregiver with them. We used to have a central meeting spot every month, here in Seattle, but that was about a decade ago. I feel horrible about it.

On the Eastside of Puget Sound, around the Redmond area, there’s a center specifically made to help better the quality of life for those over 18 with developmental disabilities. I help out there, and don’t really judge that much anymore, unless clients get violent and rage, which doesn’t happen all that much.

Yes. My mother was an aspie with opinions. She didn't talk about them, but she voted with her feet.

Response to negative judgement from certain people about certain topics can be very harsh for most people.

I've been very sensitive about this in particular all my life, even from complete strangers. After 30+ years of trying to figure out how to deal with it, the best method I found is to just accept the suck, take care of yourself while suffering from it, figure out how to avoid it, if possible, in the future, and just try to occupy your mind with something else till it passes.

Perhaps it might be useful to some in some circumstances, but here's a bit of insight regarding the alienation of others:

When people encounter in someone else something new that they don't understand or know how to deal with, responses can range from awkwardly avoidant to full on hostility. It makes people feel uncomfortable not knowing what to think or do about something that requires their immediate response, so responses can get pretty wild when they struggle to form a response. Some people are also just as*holes, and just feel safer doing as*hole things.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I also find it easier to deal with things when you understand why.

One does not have as much of a presence as one with an avatar. Also, people remember more by faces rather than names.




I agree 100% with you. I tend not to like those ones who are mean/dismissive/snooty to the lower functioning. I understand though why they do it. The non-judgemental ones can teach you a lot.

Yes, and I've felt judgemental to other autistics/aspies as well sometimes, but I still feel I wasn't treated well. It's one thing to be judged if you don't like someone or their interests or if someone seems more disabled than you, but I feel like I get judged even by other autistics/aspies sometimes just for being myself. I like spending time with autistics/aspies because they can sometimes understand me better, but when I get judged, I feel like the autistic/aspie I'm with might as well just be another neurotypical person, and at least NT people have an excuse and might be more open-minded if they get to know you better.

But I stick with autistics/aspies anyway, because even if they judge you, it's still a disability in common. If Salem says, "I understand you, but that doesn't mean I care", that could also translate to, "I don't care, but at least I understand you".

Yes I have and I realized people on the spectrum can be just as bad as NTs and it made me rethink of autism supremacy and NT bashing. Plus they can also be as ableist too against others on the spectrum.