Newly Diagnosed, friends don't believe me

Post Reply New Topic

Personally, the written report I got from the diagnosing psychologist is more detailed than I would want to share. It contains personal details, testing details, etc. I have only shared the clinical report with my bride. If pressed, I might share it with a medical provider but, so far, they have accepted my word when I told them the diagnosis.

Sometimes I wonder if I should commission the psychologist to prepare a one-page letter, on her letterhead stationary, that just documents the diagnosis without supporting information or analysis...the diagnosis (without analysis or background info) I would be quite willing to share.

And I remember how clueless I was about Autism when I got the first, faint hint I should read about it. I've learned much since January 2019...but before that if you'd told me I might be Autistic I would've openly rejected it. I suspect there are many people out there who are just as uninformed as I was. If you tell someone you are Autistic and they are as clueless as I was I can readily believe they would not believe you because you do not conform to their misconceptions (think "Rain Man").

Sooo...I hope that I can share my diagnosis with friends and acquaintances in settings where...after being amused by their shocked faces...I can do some education to help them better understand.

Hmmm...in addition to wondering if I should commission the psychologist to document my diagnosis in a letter with no details...I also wonder where I can get a Wrong Planet ID card. That could be fun!

Thank you lvpin. Those are all good suggestions. I've been doing a lot of research for myself anyway, so I will just start setting relevant and helpful things aside to share too.


IsabellaLinton
Thank you for your response.
Like Double Retired mentioned, the report contains such sensitive things, I don't want to share it with anyone. I hope my friends can assimilate what I said,but if they can't, well, maybe they aren't such nice friends.

Thank you ASPartOfMe. Very much appreciated. I will pop over and check those resources out.

I have the feeling that some people sincerely believe they are doing you a favour by assuring you that you can't possibly be autistic (typically, something like "I know someone who's son is autistic, and he's nothing like you"). They seem to think that you are hoping to hear them say that you cannot actually be autistic. It doesn't occur to them that actually a diagnosis of autism, or a realisation that one has autism, can actually be a validating thing that enables one to make sense of a lifetime of struggle.

Shellbelle and DR,

You're right. I guess the reports are too personal. It just irks me that some people would disbelieve their friends, and I guess I was hoping that the presence of a report might help to educate them. Even just mentioning the report might help, without having to show the details.

I only showed one person my report other than my daughter. It helps me feel validated though, when I hear stories about other people being dismissed by their friends and family.

I'm sorry your friends were so unsupportive, but I hope they'll come around the more they learn about ASD.

Speaking bluntly, it might be worthwhile to question the doubters on the credibility of their info.

Speaking practically, you might remind your friends that Autism is a broad and complicated spectrum that is still being researched, and that the things they see in media are often skewed heavily towards the most dramatic portrayal the producers can pull off. It's in no way an accurate education on what it means to have ASD.

Suggest that perhaps it might be best if they shift their credibility to the scientists who represent the best of humanity's intelligence, the professionals who put that knowledge into practice (ie: the diagnostic practitioner who evaluated you), and the people who have to live their lives with the additional struggles and noticing how different they are from most others (ie:you).

Also might be helpful to carry around some kind of infosheet (or weblink) with a good description of your type of Autism. People who hold opposing beliefs often have a very heavy bias against their opposition. Bringing in the voice of others to back you up can be pretty impactful.

You could also make a plea to sympathy. Ask them to put themself in your shoes. Tell them about the struggles you've faced all your life before you even had a clear idea of what autism really was, and then how one day you heard about this thing that so many others have that not only describes everything you've gone through but also gave you more info about yourself than you even knew existed. And then explain how hurtful it is that someone that you love and trust wants to throw you back into the period of your life where you struggled with these unknown problems other people don't have, and feeling so alone and sh***y about yourself because of it.

Try this: https://www.etsy.com/listing/715375717/ ... enamel-pin

Big HINT dropped on my bride. Thanks!

Fnord, My kind bride got me a pin! (And one for herself.) Thanks!

You must just pass as NT so well that they can't believe that you are anything else.

I think you're brave in telling people about it. I couldn't find a way to say it when I was diagnosed and over the years I just didn't bother thinking about it anymore.

You just stick to your guns Shellbelle and you know you have all the support you need here on wp. Your friends will come round.

Thank you babybird.

It helps to have the support on WP. I am beginning to feel safer having a community of people more like me around to talk to and listen to. My friends have been pretty difficult about this. One has decided she is no longer a friend and has put big space between us- shows me what type of friendship we had. The other is denying it still. I haven't told anyone else. It has been a big enough paradigm shift to learn I am on the spectrum and this is why I do all the things I do, or think like I do etc, it is just too much to deal with other people's reactions in addition.

I am wishing I did what you did and just kept it to myself.

I didn't even tell my own mother. Then again she's in her 80s and I barely speak to her.

I tell people that I'm not super close to, like random people I bump into, if it becomes relevant somehow to small talk. I tell customer service people on the phone if I need them to slow down ("I'm autistic. I have a processing disorder. Could you please slow down and explain with a bit more detail? I'm very literal".) They're always quite helpful when I say that.

I gave all my doctors the report, and I told a handful of people closer to me -- maybe three people?

I also wear a tshirt that says AUTISTIC.



I used to only wear it at home but I'm starting to not care who sees it anymore. Most people don't ask but I can see that it catches the eye of others, sometimes.

I'm glad you're feeling safe here. WP is a good place to find your voice.

I think a lot of people just don't like change.

They were happy with how things were. Suddenly it turns out you're maybe somehow slightly different to how they thought, and they might have to put some effort into understanding that. It's a shock. Natural first reaction is, "Are you sure?". Particularly if you've been masking it really well.

I think they probably need time to go away and process what you've said, and do some reasearch. I'd be more worried if they DON'T do that, than if they do.

Sometimes it gets a bit political. With my parents, who are divorced, my Dad was pretty accepting but my Mum was instantly "Well I always thought your Dad was a bit weird". Yeah Mum, and you aren't eh? They're both slightly odd characters but she's definitely the more manipulative and toxic of the two.

Isabella Linton,

Thank you for sharing your experience. It does help a lot to hear I am not alone. I have been tempted to share with some people in the way you describe with customer service, just because I do need them to slow down or repeat things or even write it down for me to understand, but I am scared to ask right now. You are really brave. I love that t-shirt. I am hoping in time I'll totally own this piece of who I am and rock one too.

Thank you Red_Kross. I think you have a good point there. We all need some time to process changes. Not going to lie, I do too. This has rocked my world- in good ways. I now have a solid reason and understanding for why I suddenly can't hear what people are saying when I get overwhelmed etc etc. I had even gone to ear doctors thinking I had hearing loss! Could have saved some scratch had I known all my weird symptoms were just my wiring!

1) One thing I always do on phone calls with service people, is I tell them that their "hold" music is extremely distressing for people with sensory disabilities such as autism or misophonia. I ask them to connect me with the person in charge of choosing the horrible music, which I normally describe as "1970s synthesiser porn soundtracks". I tell them they need to accommodate people with sensory intolerance by having an option of silence, or if they need some type of sound they can use something calm like rolling waves or rainfall. I know they'll never actually make changes based on my input but it makes them extremely apologetic and I think it's reasonable for me to bring the problem to their attention. Sometimes hold music can put me into literal despair. I was once on hold almost 12 hours with an airline at the start of Covid, and it was a 30 second loop of porn music. It took me days to recover.

2) The tshirt is from Redbubble if you're interested!

1) I love how you are advocating and letting people know about sensory issues!! I recently did the same about an amphitheater's noise about 2 miles from my house- complained to the city. Didn't get very far, but I figured I advocated for my needs and tried, and that's good practice.

2) Thank you. I think I am going to have a new shirt to wear.