If NTs are so good at reading hidden cues...

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Edna3362
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15 Dec 2021, 5:07 pm

It's not really about body language alone.

It's also about the observer's circumstances and biases.
That's where most of the training and experiences goes, to offset the biases both human nature and nurture.

To stopping or realizing that whatever unhealthy thing they're convinced as normal, is not healthy.


No amount of body language reading would do without being able to distinguish between what's healthy and unhealthy in a setting.

Body language reading is no good there. Theory of mind does, however if done right.
And theory of mind done wrong may even make any NTs blind to it simply because it is passed as 'normal' while growing up.

So it's even worse if the perceived norm at large is actually unhealthy.
And NTs are never invulnerable to such form of circumstance. Especially when started young, usually coming from their parents, who then also started young passed by their parents. And so on and so on...

Worst case scenario is that NTs accepts and perpetuate it -- it's the reality for many families for many generations.

It takes a gradual paradigm shift.
But one well brought up or realized/uplifted, firmly assertive and flexibly empathic authorized person in at least one case would do for now.
An abused yet realized person who chooses to break the cycle of abuse will also do.


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NoMoreRegrets94
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15 Dec 2021, 5:30 pm

Joe90 wrote:
...then why do so many child protection agencies fail at detecting when a child is being abused? Surely they could see that the child is nervous in their body language (and also visual clues like bruises or looking starved), and even if the abusers cover up their evilness Bor turn on the water works (false crying) I thought NTs could still tell when someone is faking or hiding emotions.

Then I was once watching a documentary where a woman was falsely accused of abusing her child, and she said that in court she broke down and went hysterical, begging for them to give her back her child and that she was innocent. The child protection agency and the court still didn't believe her, even though she had some evidence and witnesses to say she was innocent. I can't remember the ins and outs of the situation but after collecting more physical evidence they finally gave her child back, but it took a couple of years.

But real abusers, evil, unkempt-looking people with smug faces and dirty homes and an uncanny way about their body language get believed.

I assume most child protection agency workers are NTs, and most cops, but yet they seem to miss important cues in people's body language. How come?

The can detect cues better than autists but they are not gods.
In a lot of time they don't want to take kids hostage if father is capable. But one can't see whether drunkard is good person or not.



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15 Dec 2021, 5:32 pm

NTs are really good at reading hidden cues they have learned to recognize.

Most do not seem to recognize autistic cues.  Heck, even most autistic people cannot read each other's cues.



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16 Dec 2021, 12:38 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Yes but I didn't think NT adults needed to be trained to read body language. Some Aspies claim that NTs can even tell emotions people are hiding or covering up.

I just thought that if NTs are as excellent with reading body language as many Aspies here make out they are then there'd be no abuse anywhere because any NT would tell that another NT is an abuser just by watching them walk or something.


I dunno. I was abused quite badly by my stepmother. I went to the social services myself in the end and demanded they take me away from her. I was in a desperate situation and had been neglected for a long time and at one point poisoned and left to just rot in my own s**t. It was really bad. She had also badly physically abused my brother. The social services did take me into care because there was no way I would go home. Now when they spoke to my stepmother she completely manipulated them and made it out that I was the bad one and a liar and in the end the social services forced me to go home.

She got all the help and I was back to being treated like a dog.

I'm assuming the social workers were NT but they just couldn't see that they had been manipulated.

It's a mine field sometimes. You would think that these people would know what to look for. I was extremely underweight. Had really bad behaviour problems. Had no confidence, I was filthy and had no clean clothes ever. You would also think the schools would be trained to pick up these things but they're not.


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16 Dec 2021, 1:00 pm

^you're a real survivor.



Joe90
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16 Dec 2021, 3:10 pm

The reason I wrote this thread is because I get so upset and mad whenever I hear of another child suffering and dying from abuse just because child protection authorities can't seem to notice any obvious signs, and I thought NTs could read body language which should tell them that something isn't right with the child or the parents/caregivers. It's their JOB to protect children, it's not something they should brush under the carpet because it being 'too catastrophic' to deal with. It's their freaking job.


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16 Dec 2021, 3:13 pm

There are many abusive parents who are such good actors and manipulators that they are able to make social service workers believe that they're the innocent victims instead of the children.


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16 Dec 2021, 3:15 pm

Joe90 wrote:
It's their freaking job.


One of the greatest problems in government departments is that rather than get rid of the useless they promote them. In other words it's the useless leading the useless.

Best of all it's a job for life no matter how badly you foul up. 8O



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16 Dec 2021, 3:19 pm

It's more complicated than that.

It must be remembered that NT's aren't perfect, either----and can't read "all the signs."

We must take this on a case-by-case basis.

Yes, there is neglect within "child protective services" or similar government departments.

There are times, though, that people just "fall through the cracks" because they might be rarely be seen by "child protective services." The caseloads are just so large that it's a tragedy.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 16 Dec 2021, 4:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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16 Dec 2021, 3:32 pm

Also it is probably the case that some social workers would rather do the easy thing than the right thing.

If they can sleep in their beds at night knowing that they have allowed a child to come to serious harm then they they are just as guilty as the abusers.

I do however believe that most people do go into the job with the best of intentions.


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16 Dec 2021, 3:34 pm

My cousin (a senior manager in CWS in her state) told me that the average newly-graduated case-worker takes a year or two to learn everything they need to know about the job, and about another year to burn out and quit.

So a case-worker's useful tenure is maybe one year.  These are the people who visit the homes, interview the families, and make the on-the-spot decisions to take the kids away or leave them.  Up to a quarter of the child welfare caseworkers in my cousin's state quit their jobs each year.  This rate lengthens the time it takes to reunify kids with parents, stretches CWS budgets, and leads to more chaos.

It also leads to abused and neglected children "falling through the cracks" as the turnover in case-workers goes on.



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16 Dec 2021, 3:56 pm

I have heard horror stories about kids being wrongly removed from home. Even an accident in the home can get you charged with child abuse. I knew someone at work whose daughter had her kids taken from her because she accidentally burned her daughter with hot water. Her daughter was a baby and her son was like 3 at the time and she was giving her kid a bath but she didn't see her son turn the bath faucet so it made the water very hot. The mom put her baby in the water and she got burned. She rushed her to the hospital only to get CPS called (hospital workers are mandatory reporters in the US and so are educators and therapists) and they decided she had abused her kid and that this could have been prevented. It was an accident. Lesson here is always check the water repeatedly before putting your kid in the water. But yet the mom was allowed to have more kids because I knew someone at work whop wasn't allowed to have more kids or else her next baby will be taken when she has it. She had lost her first kid and then she lost her second one because she already had one in custody by the state. Her reason was they were homeless and staying with a friend but everyone tells me that is a lie and you don't lose your kids for being homeless. But after hearing enough stories from her, she couldn't even keep a roof over her head and she had no family and didn't have friends who could let them stay because they all rented. Anytime she did find a place to rent, she always found reasons to move out.

And I hear that only 25% percent of child abuse cases are reported and only kids are removed 15% pf the time. That means lot of abuse cases go unreported. Sometimes it's hard to prove there is abuse. You can make reports and nothing is done, even the state of Washington got sued by these kids because they were abused by their adoptive parents and neighbors knew about it and teachers and they all reported it to the state and they were never removed. They even went on the Dr. Phil show about it and there were articles about it too online all over. I forget what their names were but this didn't happen very far from where I used to live. It happened two miles from my childhood home. That part of the neighborhood didn't even exist when I had lived there. The excuse was they are shortage of workers and I was like 'so hire more" and they have so many reported cases but not enough social workers so this is why many reports get ignored. This is why the kids were suing the state instead of CPS.


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16 Dec 2021, 4:19 pm

Exactly - parents who are not abusive in any way get falsely accused when them or their child has an accident. Accidents do happen with children around.

But a distressed mother could rush the child to the doctor or the hospital straight after an accident and she gets falsely accused of abusing the child. Can't the doctors or nurses tell the difference between a person being genuine and a person faking it? I thought NTs can differentiate between false and real when it comes to body language.

According to WP, body language is like breathing to NTs, so whether they're incompetent at their job they should still have no problems noticing the signs. I read somewhere that NTs communicate non-verbally 70-80% or something, and that actions speak louder than words.

According to Aspies, an NT only has to breathe and another NT can go "oh, you're feeling slightly annoyed but also you're excited, and you're thinking about the banana you're going to eat, and your name is John."


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16 Dec 2021, 4:40 pm

No, they are good at learning certain patterns that they come across in everyday situations, but they are not mind readers.

Training is important as these situations are abnormal and you have to be experienced to spot the signs. Abusers can be good liars and good at covering things up as well.