How do you make special interests seem like NT passions?

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ToughDiamond
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20 Dec 2021, 12:50 pm

Double Retired wrote:
People tend only to be interested in talking about what they want to talk about...and they will often try to steer the conversation to their interests.

NTs seem to have an approved list of interests (sports, celebrities, trendy TV shows, etc.) so two NTs can have a conversation on something they are both interested in.

My interests are not on the "approved" list and over the decades I've learned people generally don't care to chat about them. (Which is sort of fair...their interests don't interest me so I'm not too keen on chatting about them!) I find not talking much helps.

Afterthought: My bride probably often wishes I was better at not talking much. :roll:

Good point, there is probably a lot more commonality in the interests of NTs, while we often end up in some esoteric field of study that most people know almost nothing about - not a good starting point for a conversation. I'm very lucky to have music as a main interest, because it's the kind of subject a lot of people are quite interested in. But I often go down a rabbit hole with it and end up knowing that there's nobody else on the planet who would readily share my experiences. Even in the music recording fraternity it soon became clear that my techniques are poles apart from theirs. So I try to keep quiet about the rabbit holes and just play them a few recordings or perform a few songs, which often works quite well.

My father's main interest was keeping pigeons, and people would ask him why he didn't get involved in a pigeon club. But his view was that they were just a bunch of jerks, and it was only in his later years that he mellowed and found ways of sharing some of his knowledge with them, and even that was restricted to writing and one-on-one meetings.



James Page
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20 Dec 2021, 1:25 pm

Maybe find a friend/buddy/significant other you can share it with?

I totally get the need to talk about your special interest(s) otherwise the OCD becomes really bad/meltdown occurs. I consider myself very lucky that I have a girlfriend who's very considerate of my autistic traits and notices when I start to feel the need to talk about my special interest(s). She asks me if there's something I want to talk about and if so, if it's one of my special interests. If I then reply with "yes," she asks if there is a need for active listening/replying to what I say. Usually I don't, I just need to talk about my special interests and just need to feel like someone's listening, even if they're not paying their full attention. Then she can listen without having to put in a lot of effort. Sometimes I do need her to listen actively/respond and she takes the time to do that. Important to note here is that we have set times in our schedule for me talking about my special interests so that she'll have time and I'll always know: "okay, at 20.00 I can talk about astronomy/trains (yes, I know, very stereotypical)/copyright law/football (the European version)/70s rock/some other interests and she'll listen and respond (if necessary)." Even though I can't always talk about my special interest when I want to, knowing that there's a time when I can, prevents me from having a meltdown or getting really OCD. This schedule is really important for me as it prevented more than one meltdown at work already.

When we're in company, she always makes sure she sits next to me so that if I start going on too much about my special interest, she can give me a gentle nudge (this is something we agreed on beforehand).

I don't know how much help this is, as it requires another person who'd be willing to be your buddy/partner in this, but this is what works for me, especially the schedule. Because sometimes I suddenly think of a special interest in the middle of a business meeting and I can't talk about it then and there, obviously. However, knowing that at some point that day (usually at 20.00) I can talk to someone about it really helps and ensures that I can keep functioning.


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Mona Pereth
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21 Dec 2021, 8:12 pm

BugsBunnyFan wrote:
I know that if I want a real friend group and a girlfriend I need to not have any visible special interests.

No, what you need is to find friends who SHARE your interests, so they can enjoy talking to you about them.

(You also need friends who are assertive enough to let you know when they are not in the mood, because even people who share your interests and share them intensely will have times when they need or want to be doing or thinking about other things.)

To find friends who SHARE your interests, I would suggest looking on Meetup.com for relevant groups. Also, here on Wrong Planet, I would suggest editing your profile to add a signature line that mentions your interests.


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Double Retired
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22 Dec 2021, 9:50 am

BugsBunnyFan wrote:
I know that if I want a real friend group and a girlfriend I need to not have any visible special interests.
Well...I think you just need to not annoy your friends and GF with them.

My bride and I share some interests. But we both also have interests the other prefers be exercised "elsewhere".


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