Do you get inappropriately strong attachments?

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AprilR
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08 Jan 2022, 3:21 pm

lvpin wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
AprilR wrote:
I am also like this. Maybe it's because i started to form relationships later in life, but i find people who take the time to befriend me very important.

My psychiatrist says i have trouble regulating emotions, maybe that's why it might have a connection with autism. It is definitely hard to live like this.


I am a highly emotional person, too. I find a combination of faith in God, emotion-dampening medication & a strong moral framework to get me through pretty much anything relatively unscathed in proportion to any damage I accrue from life.


I believe in god too but since I was like 3 my mind has convinced me he hates me :( so we have a weird relationship. Medication definitely helps though! Although it's hard to tell exactly how much as I am more stable now that I'm not interacting with people in my age range. Every now and again I do get overwhelmed with all my failure with those I get obsessive about and wonder what I did wrong since with one exception who is now one of my best friends and another who I'm indifferent to , they cut me off quite coldly and suddenly. I know there has to be something but they never tell me because they're so intent in making sure I know they don't want to talk to me and I am miserable.


It doesn't necessarily mean you did something wrong even if they cut you off. Some people are just more detached and unemotional. They might have other things going on in their lives too.



theprisoner
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08 Jan 2022, 3:22 pm

AprilR wrote:
detached and unemotional.

Like me.

Guilty as charged, your honour.


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AprilR
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08 Jan 2022, 3:32 pm

^Haha no, you are okay!



lvpin
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08 Jan 2022, 3:45 pm

AprilR wrote:
lvpin wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
AprilR wrote:
I am also like this. Maybe it's because i started to form relationships later in life, but i find people who take the time to befriend me very important.

My psychiatrist says i have trouble regulating emotions, maybe that's why it might have a connection with autism. It is definitely hard to live like this.


I am a highly emotional person, too. I find a combination of faith in God, emotion-dampening medication & a strong moral framework to get me through pretty much anything relatively unscathed in proportion to any damage I accrue from life.


I believe in god too but since I was like 3 my mind has convinced me he hates me :( so we have a weird relationship. Medication definitely helps though! Although it's hard to tell exactly how much as I am more stable now that I'm not interacting with people in my age range. Every now and again I do get overwhelmed with all my failure with those I get obsessive about and wonder what I did wrong since with one exception who is now one of my best friends and another who I'm indifferent to , they cut me off quite coldly and suddenly. I know there has to be something but they never tell me because they're so intent in making sure I know they don't want to talk to me and I am miserable.


It doesn't necessarily mean you did something wrong even if they cut you off. Some people are just more detached and unemotional. They might have other things going on in their lives too.


True true. Just of anything goes wrong with those around me it just feels like it is my fault and I want to fix it. Still I find it unsettling but I'm hoping if it does happen again, I'm brave enough to ask what I did wrong. Then I don't have to spend years obsessing. That will only work though with the ones who liked to push how much they suddenly disliked me in my face by going to places I was, shooting me a glare then talking to everyone else. People are confusing :/



Jakki
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08 Jan 2022, 4:01 pm

Just a thought, you might consult a therapist about such strong feelings ?


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Minuteman
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08 Jan 2022, 4:36 pm

One thing I've learned through therapy is that I gravitate toward people I wish I could be more like (funny, talkative, athletic, for example). I remember one friend in school I used to hang out with a lot until he accused me of hanging onto him like a lost puppy dog. Only recently have I looked back on that and other friendships/relationships and realized that this is a trend for me. Not sure if it's a spectrum-related trait or just a character flaw that I need to control.



shortfatbalduglyman
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08 Jan 2022, 6:11 pm

Yes I get inappropriately strong attachments (and aversions)

There are a lot of people and things that I hate. The hatred immediate permanent profound

Not many things I like, and I only like them until we have a falling out

"Thin line between love and hate"

Precious social rejections and academic/vocational failures wounded me in traumatizing ways.

Reactive attachment disorder

Now I try to avoid love and hate

Emotionally numb

Nobody is perfect

Everyone has subconscious biases



MrsPeel
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09 Jan 2022, 3:33 am

Yes this is true of me, and I tend to think it's related to AS.

When I decide I like someone I sort of attach myself to that person exclusively, I get too intense (and I don't mean with romantic intentions, it can happen just with a friend or even a colleague).
I might message them inappropriately and feel upset and jealous if they don't reciprocate the attention.

Though nowadays I'm more aware of when this happens and can try to keep it under control.



Mona Pereth
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09 Jan 2022, 10:50 am

lvpin wrote:
As I posted in the haven, I had a friend suddenly cut me off which elicited a very strong reaction from me.

(typo fixed in quote above)

Suddenly cutting people off is exceedingly cruel, in my opinion.

Alas, however, it seems to be downright faddish these days. Too often, even here on Wrong Planet, I've seen people casually advise other people to break off a friendship and go "no contact" at the first sign of trouble.

Personally I think it's important to avoid getting emotionally close, in the first place, with the kind of person who believes that abrupt cutoffs are okay in any but the most extreme circumstances. So, when making friends, one of the things I want to know about a person is their attitude on this issue.

As for a tendency for "inappropriately strong attachments," this is not something I personally have experienced. But, offhand, my suggestion would be that you seek out, as friends, other people who have both the same tendency and a shared commitment to becoming more emotionally stable. That way, both of you will know how to relate to each other and how to be considerate toward each other's feelings.


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