Feeling deep shame about embarrassing things I’ve done.

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I only found 2 ways to reduce the embarrassing things I tend to do - one is to keep trying to improve my skill at the art of social grace and discretion, the other is to become a more inhibited person, thinking carefully before saying or doing anything with others and erring on the side of inaction when in doubt. The former is hard but good when it's successful, the latter is easy but not so good, and it does nothing to fix the problem of failing to do things that were expected of me. With a combination of both methods I've certainly improved, though when I look back at the way I used to behave when I was younger, I'm tempted to think any change would have been an improvement. But then, young people are often pretty embarrassed when they remember what they used to be like.

I could write a book about this ! Oversharing is my speciality! I feel your pain and there are times I could cut my tongue out...but other times when I have have a good giggle at myself after I've calmed down.

It's not a deliberate gaff on your part so don't fret too much .

I still do embarrassing things----and I feel no shame

I guess I'm pretty cuckoo

I understand. Sometimes I feel positively ridiculous because I know I struggle with things that others my age (and much younger) do not to the point of embarrassment.

Heck last time I tried to order drive through at McDonalds I messed it up and ended up actually crying in frustrated upset because I just was angry I messed up something so simple millions do easily every day. I don't drive often (or order often) and I though to myself "what the heck I can do this people do it all the time!" Lol wrong! Ah well, yeah being ND makes things harder than it can be for others. It isn't your fault though, and you keep trying to learn. Heck I've never faxed anything in my life, wouldn't even know how to and I'm older than you are.

Yes, I feel like that sometimes.

And it can go way back to when I was a kid.

I often feel intense shame when I feel like I've said the wrong things which may lead to emotional upset for others, and also anything that can make me appear a burden to others and needy. The ASD compounds it all due to not being the most tactful person out there, along with kinda having a rough life where I sometimes need to talk about things.

Been having trouble this lately, I get a lot of intense flashbacks about dumb things I did/said/ and the way I acted. I'm 44 and some of the stuff happened still feels as intense as it did 10-15, even 25 years ago. Which is probably why I can be a bit paranoid and worry that I'm going to say something stupid or do something " wrong" in public.

At work I have done better at "behaving myself" so to speak but sometimes things go wrong, and I know some of my co-workers talk and gossip about me.

When I have to go visit extended family for a holiday or something, I usually need a day or 2 to prepare myself. Meaning making sure to remind myself not to say or do anything to piss anyone off, be aware of my surroundings as so I don't knock anything over or break anything, and gauge when it's appropriate to leave.

You're not alone in that King Kat 1. I'm about the same age as you and I still dwell on things I said and did as a teenager. I can make myself blush with shame if I really think about them.

It was mainly being rude when I thought I was being funny that got me into trouble. I'd upset people that I liked and wouldn't dream of hurting.

I don't know how universal the experience of hanging on to past shame is.

If it's worse for people with ASD i would theorise it's because we work so hard to fit in and mask our social ineptitude that when we get it wrong it's a bigger deal. Higher stakes.

no shame, no blame. We learn as we go along in life and not a single person lives who does not make mistakes. Its part of being human. I learned my best lessons by learning "what not to do" so even failures can teach me better ways to make something work. cheering you on, welcome to being human like the rest of us. Its OK to make mistakes.
We all do it!

I remember watching a YouTube video once that put in perspective feelings of embarrassment or shame.

Basically the narrative was in x years you’ll be gone and so will everyone around you.

All memories of your deeds and who you were and what you did will also be gone.

Future generations will not care or be in the least bit interested.

In x years the sun will explode taking the earth and all evidence of human life with it

So why should you care