Should I aim for a diagnosis?

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I can relate as I am also questioning and unsure of what I am noticing is genuine or if I'm projecting onto myself. The only difference is I'm 31 and don't have to convince my parents to take a test. I'm going to start therapy next week and talk to my therapist about it. Maybe that could be a good route for you? It sounds like you have A LOT to work out. You want to find out who you are and that's admirable. There's no harm in asking your parents to let you see a therapist. Then you can bring all of this up to your therapist and if the therapist recommends an autism testing, you could tell your parents that. And if the test comes up negative, then it's not you who was wrong, but your therapist for recommending the test. If the test comes back positive, it'll be great to know and you can gain a greater understanding of who you are. And regardless of the test results, you can figure out who you really are through more therapy. It's a win-win.

My belated insight was that even if someone decides to get an Adult Autism Assessment without getting their parent's permission, it would likely be helpful if the parents provide information for the assessment.

Whoever is doing the assessment might have questions they'd like answered by the parents.

I was 64 when I had my assessment. Both of my parents provided information.
>=>- The Psychologist gave us some questions to ask my Dad and we relayed his answers.
>=>- My long-dead, still-missed, Mom kept a journal of my first year.
>=>->I gave the Psychologist a copy of it and I know she looked closely at it.
>=>(Plus I provided copies of all of my report cards and scores on standardized tests.)

I don't know what difference it would've made if my assessment did not get those inputs from my parents. However, I am reasonably sure that, without the input from my parents, my diagnosis would not have additionally noted that I met the criteria formerly associated with Asperger's Syndrome.

I was hoping WP folk who are more knowledgeable on this topic would provide some insights.

That’s certainly a reasonable request. But I’m already worried that I will not meet the criteria simply because I’m masking too well, and have been for a long time now. Not even my parents really know me, as I’ve always put on an act. For example I noticed that cute stupid kid things got a loving “awwww” reaction, and intentionally did these things despite knowing better, playing naive and cute. My parents always say I was such a cute and happy, bubbly and affectionate child when I literally just always played an act, smiling all the time even though it was not real, acting how I thought was expected from me or the most useful to get the reactions I wanted. I realise this sounds really manipulative, and I suppose it was. But to some extent that’s still how it is. People know me as a very affectionate and friendly, open person. And it’s not completely a lie. I do want them to be happy and feel liked, seen and supported. I want them to thrive, and I think people should be good to each other. But it’s still an act, with almost all of my facial expressions, way of talking and “caring” about things, etc. Like me, crying at my grandpas funeral simply because it was expected although I didn’t really feel sad and couldn’t emotionally understand why I should be. I mean he just stopped existing? The only pain is with those who grieve, so why grieve at all? But I did cry. I acted as if I was in pain, and that’s what my parents have seen, know, and will tell if asked.
As for the person who requested I go see a therapist: thank you, and that would surely be a great solution. Sadly I am already seeing a very sh***y one and have no ability to change that. As I mentioned my questioning she laughed at me, saying that it couldn’t be, because I have friends. However, I wish you the very best for your own questioning and hope that all will resolve in the best way possible for you.

Copperpenny4, I suspect a good psychologist familiar with the process of assessing adults for Autism, who gets your honest cooperation, will see past any mask you have.

Like I said, I was 64 when I got my assessment. I was in Mensa. I'd gone to college. I'd been in the military. My career went well enough I could retire comfortably (and voluntarily) at age 56—and I confess it gives me some pleasure to know that the Manager I did not like was not happy that I retired.

I was less than stellar socially and I couldn't find a bride 'til I was 45...but at the time of the assessment I'd been in a strong marriage for almost two decades.

Yet, after we did the research, my bride and I were both pretty sure I was Autistic. And AQ agreed with us. Only then did I seek an assessment. And my diagnosis relied on quite a bit more than the Psychologist's "impression" of me.

On a side note, however, I admit some apprehension about your age. If you are diagnosed as being Autistic you might want to be careful about sharing that knowledge. People might judge you without knowing you and then people might become your impairment. I had the benefit of the diagnosis satisfying my curiosity but being too late to affect much.

Good luck!

I have decided that I do want to get tested. I still haven’t decided if I want to tell my parents about it though

Congratulations on your decision. Personally, I thought knowing was wonderful.

And if the diagnosis turns out not to be Autism, it will still be wonderful...a surprise but a better understanding of yourself.

Perhaps after you find someone to do the assessment you can check with them about leaving your parents out of it. I'm not thinking in terms of permission or payment, I'm thinking in terms of whoever does the assessment will want to learn a lot about you. I don't know whether or not they will need to talk to your parents for information.

Should you get an Autism diagnosis I suspect you should advertise it carefully. Some people might jump to incorrect conclusions due to not understanding what a wide Spectrum Autism is...and then treat you poorly because of their misconceptions. I had a tremendous advantage by getting the diagnosis so late in life...I had time to build credentials, a good self-image, and self-confidence so I am less vulnerable to stupid people.

P.S. I am definitely not suggesting you don't go for the diagnosis. Learning such an important, incredible thing about yourself is a wonderful revelation. I'm just saying be careful who you tell.

Thank you very much, I definitely will be. I know that image and prejudices are a very dangerous thing. I’m not even sure whether I would tell anyone except my best friends and probably my parents. I’m not even sure I would have to tell the teachers, since I already get extra accommodations because of my panic/anxiety attacks, like being allowed to chew gum or leave the room if it gets too much.

Sort of related...and definitely sad...

This thread includes people prejudging and becoming a problem when they found out about the diagnosis.

You seem to have a positive attitude so I expect that if you are diagnosed you will find it interesting and possibly useful, not horrifying and depressing. But how other people react to your diagnosis might be horrifying and depressing. Ideally, you will be able to discretely take advantage of the positive traits in video #2 that MaffooClock found and do well in life. Once you've progressed enough in life then what other people think should be less of a concern.

P.S. I hope you've searched the Internet for lists of famous, possibly Autistic people. I did. It was depressing. It took me awhile to remember I was doing well, even if I wasn't that well. But you probably heard that Elon Musk very publicly announced his diagnosis. Someone like that really doesn't have to care what people think of the diagnosis.