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Joe90
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05 Aug 2022, 5:12 pm

babybird wrote:
How do you know they're staring and laughing at you?


Because I can tell someone is staring at my face from my periphery, even though I don't look at them. And with the laughing, I think that may be me just being paranoid, but definitely not with the staring.


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Joe90
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05 Aug 2022, 5:21 pm

Quote:
I mean by controlling your reaction to it:
you either let it get to you
or you brush it off and learn to live with it


It's hard to think like that though because I shouldn't have to put up with any crap from people. It's very undignifying to go out knowing you look weird when you don't want to be weird and you're aware enough to know what you're doing. Nobody likes being stared at or laughed at.
I remember one time I was in the supermarket with my uncle, who is an extroverted, thick-skinned NT that has the know-how to rise above other people's judgements, but on this particular day he asked me if there was anything wrong with the way he looked because he felt people kept looking at him funny. I was surprised how someone like him was feeling self-conscious and paranoid all of a sudden, but it is just part of being a human and I have the same desires as NTs to be accepted and not look weird.


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Raleigh
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05 Aug 2022, 5:33 pm

Everyone puts up with crap from people,
unless you become some kind of snarling, aggressive type who people are too afraid to even look at, we'll all have to deal with it at some point.
If it's not how you look it's your speech or something else.
Best to embrace your weirdness because you'll change to suit someone then someone else will find that thing weird and there'll be no end to it.


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kraftiekortie
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05 Aug 2022, 5:53 pm

My fondest wish is that you don't care what these idiots in the street think....and just go about your business.



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05 Aug 2022, 7:36 pm

No one is out there laughing at non-obvious aspires just going about their business outside. Heck, I go out with my much more obviously autistic kid and people don't laugh at him, either. They might be startled when he screams, but who wouldn't be?

The whole world is not middle school.



Joe90
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05 Aug 2022, 7:38 pm

But why do NTs have to be so judgemental towards a stranger? You'd have thought they'd be socially skilled enough to keep their opinions to themselves if you're not doing anything worthy of being noticed.

People wouldn't know my speech if I'm on my own because I'm not talking to anyone.


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Joe90
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05 Aug 2022, 7:45 pm

Pteranomom wrote:
No one is out there laughing at non-obvious aspires just going about their business outside. Heck, I go out with my much more obviously autistic kid and people don't laugh at him, either. They might be startled when he screams, but who wouldn't be?

The whole world is not middle school.


Glad to hear.

I'm a totally non-obvious Aspie. People I know wouldn't even guess I'm Aspie unless someone told them, so strangers must know even less about me.

Usually non-obvious Aspie women are even less obvious than non-obvious Aspie men, because men seem to have it harder when it comes to how he presents himself in public through posture and body language. Women can get away with seeming shy or weak, and it's harder for a woman to be mistaken as creepy. As long as we look presentable, with any exposed body hair shaved, then we basically have nothing to worry about unless we're doing something notably different. I go out looking presentable and I always shave my legs and armpits and I dress like most women my age and I don't have anything that stands out like bright green punky hair or something.


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05 Aug 2022, 8:41 pm

I don't care what people think of me, outside of those close to me. I had few men laugh at me for wearing a N95 mask back in March, 2020. (I didn't want to pass on what looked like SARS-CoV to my mother.) People still look at me now when out and wearing a N95. I have zero care, and it all doesn't matter in the end. I'm comfortable with who and what I am when it comes to others, as I'm not going to bother them. If wearing a mask, having an odd gait, rocking, or so on bothers people, then that's on them, and if they mock someone for it, then they're just revealing who they are.



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05 Aug 2022, 8:51 pm

^ I went to the chemist yesterday to buy some of those N95 masks and a guy in the shop ranted at me about China and the government and snatched them out of my hand.
So I just picked up another box of masks and handed them to the cashier.
People have gone crazy.


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babybird
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06 Aug 2022, 2:00 am

Joe90 wrote:
I'm a totally non-obvious Aspie. People I know wouldn't even guess I'm Aspie unless someone told them, so strangers must know even less about me.


The must be staring at you because you look like an NT then. Believe it or not NTs get stared at. And how do you know that all these people that are staring at you are NT themselves.

Also if you really believe that everyone is pointing and staring at you, give them something to stare at. Stop trying to be so perfect all the time.

I think you'll find that 85% of the time it's all in your imagination.


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Shadweller
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06 Aug 2022, 2:48 am

Raleigh wrote:
People will pick on anything, you can't win.


Yeah I think this could explain it. Joe 90 I feel your pain as I go through similar things. These things hurt, especially for Autistic people who may have tendencies to ruminate on things, and have trouble clearing these things out of their heads afterwards. That would be people like me, and maybe people like you.

I can only guess and imagine what may be happening in your case. You say you feel self conscious, Feeling this way can be noticeable by the perceptive and eagle eyed, and some mean people may pick up on this and sometimes glance / look / or stare as a result, just because it is amusing to them. Not all people all of the time but sometimes. And we notice and remember all these bad things.

Sometimes we may be paranoid, someone may have made a joke or comment that was not about us, just at that instant where they may or may not have been looking at us. If we are feeling a bit insecure or paranoid we will assume they were laughing at us.

I have a tendency to be self conscious too, and I've had similar reactions to the above.

When feeling self conscious and or paranoid I have to remind myself that it is normal to be looked at. It shows that I exist. If feeling self conscious we may come across as stilted or uncomfortable. or it may leak out in other ways that I cant describe or explain.

All of this along with social anxiety has lead to me using certain medications / drugs which help me massively. Not that I would flippantly recommend any one to go down this route as it can cause problems of it's own. But it can help some people. It has helped me.



HighLlama
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06 Aug 2022, 3:03 am

Joe90 wrote:
But why do NTs have to be so judgemental towards a stranger? You'd have thought they'd be socially skilled enough to keep their opinions to themselves if you're not doing anything worthy of being noticed.


Because many don't like themselves and feel valid by belittling others. If you like yourself more, you won't care what they think.



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06 Aug 2022, 3:07 am

Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
.


This is why I feel self-conscious when out. I don't want to be a figure of ridicule. I just want to hide away and never go out. I feel I don't deserve to be out, like I'm bad or a freak with 3 heads or something. Sometimes it makes me want to commit suicide so that people can't laugh at me any more.


Yes it is a horrible feeling. It's the worst thing that happens in my life also. I hate the people that make me feel this way. I am consumed with hatred for them.

Please remember that you do deserve to be out without being made to feel the way it makes you feel.



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06 Aug 2022, 7:17 am

There was a time in my life (maybe about 20 years ago) where I aloud this type of thing to take over my life as well.

It was really bad if I'm honest. I can remember getting to the front door to go out and having to go back in and get changed. This could happen 3 or 4 times before I would eventually get out. I might have only been gowto the local shop as well. I called it agoraphobia but it probably wasn't. It was more like ocd because it was a case of me having to look absolutely perfect or else people might laugh at me and poi t and stare.

I just couldn't go on like that because I had to live my life so I just stopped looking in the mirror before I went out. I stopped looking in mirrors and shop windows at myself when I was out (and I'm still like that). I stopped allowing myself to overthink what people might be looking at and what they might be thinking when they looked in my direction and I stopped worrying about what people might be laughing at.

I'm not saying that the problem has gone away but by developing a thicker skin it has got easier.


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06 Aug 2022, 9:45 am

Joe90 wrote:
But why do NTs have to be so judgemental towards a stranger? You'd have thought they'd be socially skilled enough to keep their opinions to themselves if you're not doing anything worthy of being noticed.

People wouldn't know my speech if I'm on my own because I'm not talking to anyone.

I'm always surprised to hear of adults being so openly judgemental. I tend to see people as belonging to one of two types - courteous or trash. I might overlook a bit of bluntness or somebody being a bit grumpy when they've had a bad day, but when people start mocking just because of some harmless difference, I just think they've never matured. Children can be very cruel like that and I sometimes wonder why society lets them get away with it.

I've experienced a few "attacks" from passers-by, but I've never put it down to my having ASD, except maybe once when I was writing down some of the bus times that were displayed at a row of bus stops. Some jerk made a comment about that, though I can't remember what it was. He didn't express himself very well. Other times I think it's just that some of these low-lifers will pick on anybody who doesn't seem likely to return fire. I sometimes return fire - I fat-shamed one of them. I wouldn't normally do that, but he was having a right old go at me so I reckon he had it coming.



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06 Aug 2022, 9:54 am

:lol:

I shamed a woman on a bus once who seemed to be having a good laugh at my expense. I actually wasn't doing anything but she thought that was hilarious. She soon stopped laughing when I told her to go home and change her knickers.


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