jimmy m wrote:
I do not make eye to eye contact. Never did and probably never will. I do not know why. But for people who do not make eye to eye contact, other people can spot you in a second or two. They wrongly come to the immediate conclusion that you are FALSE, a LIER, SOMEONE WHO CAN NOT BE TRUSTED.
Many, if not most, interactions are NOT predicated on trust. So I don't think the idea of being false, a liar and not being trustworthy are what come to mind when avoiding eye contact is noticed. Instead, most people see it as extreme insecurity and submissiveness. Before I was diagnosed with ASD, if someone would've avoided eye
contact altogether with me, I would've assumed either they were being intimidated by me (even if I wasn't trying to scare them), or that they had a self-esteem problem. I wouldn't assume dishonesty. People lie all the time while making eye contact.
But extreme lack of self-confidence or insecurity would seemingly cause avoidance of eye contact, or at least, that's what the avoidance conveys. Some people say they avoid it because it physically burns, but this isn't the reason most avoiders refrain from it. Whatever their reason, it sends the message of very poor self-assuredness or high vulnerability. This is why predators will give eye contact to see how the potential victim responds. Though I'm autistic, I will never avert eye contact if I believe the other person is sizing me up for an assault or some kind of predatory action.
Just today I was explaining something lengthy and avoiding eye contact in the process because I think better while explaining if my eyes hover on some neutral area off the person. But while SHE was EXPLAINING something really important, I locked eyes -- to let her know I was paying attention and not skittish.
Eye contact is my new special interest, and if someone avoids it with me, I now know they're probably autistic.