Mourning

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Thinking some more on this subject . . . I realized that I will be very very upset when my cat dies but will not show it apart from obvious depression.

I have been lucky not to have lost anyone really close to me yet.
I have lost 2 great grandmothers, but I only saw them maybe once or twice a year till I was maybe 12.

I was terrified of one of them that lived with my grandmother because I never knew who she was until years after she died. She was just this reclusive old lady who lived at my grandmothers to me. My parents went to the wake, but left me at my grandmother's house. So what I remember from that one is that I got to skip some school and visit grandma.

The other great grandmother I liked visiting, but I saw her less often. My parents took me to the wake. It was the first wake I had ever been to, but it quickly lost its novelty. I found it boring and wanted to go home.

My friend that I had growing up around 4th grade lost his mother a short while before we grew apart. I remember feeling awkward around him because I had no clue what I was supposed to do. I wonder if the awkwardness I felt when I went to his house contributed to me not going over there so much and loosing touch with him. He is still my next door neighbor to our large backyard and I feel ashamed that when I see him in his yard I don't go out in mine.

Nobody I'm close to ever died. But my parents put my dog to sleep once while I was in the hospital (it was really sick, but I had no idea they were planning on it) after they'd just kicked me out of the house and my therapist and psychiatrist dropped me. I cried for days. I think after a while I was just forcing myself since I couldn't really feel anything else and my world had become so unstable. It was the only constant I had.

i lost my grandpa just couple of days after the July war (he was in australia but i am in lebanon) , I felt sad but i didn't shed a tear even after they brought his body to here .

That annoyed me and i even made a topic about it in the haven.

My Dad who I did really love died Christmas eve 2005 a significant time ago.

I have not cried

although I hope I will eventually.

He taught me so many things:
...

My expressions of emotion are not instant reflexes but I do have emotions.

When my Mum died I was 21, my dad, my brother and my sister were grateful for my strength at the time;
it was not strength it was Aspergers syndrome.

I burnt a candle and cried for her 4 years later.

One day I will cry for my Dad.

One day eventualy I will leave here to share much beer with him in Vallhaller

It took me years to come to terms with the death of my grandfather. Since then, I've never really mourned anyone close to me who died. I've been sad at the funerals, but fine otherwise, pretty much.

When I was 12, my aunty died. I was in form 2. Mother came and picked me up early from school that day and told me when we got home. My reaction was "So why did you have to pick me up early from school to tell me that?". To this day I still haven't cried over it.

This year my great-grandfather died. I am now 16. It was in June that he died. At his funeral everyone was crying, and I hate being around people who are crying. I started to laugh.

I haven't mourned over either of their deaths. My great-grandmother died when I was really young. I can't remember her and didn't mourn over that.

My dog has hip-dysplasia and I cry over that, but not over family members deaths for a reason that I don't know.

I'm NT and 62. Of course people around me have died and I sometimes wonder what all the fuss is about, especially when I see the carrying on of some for public show. However my husband, children, grandchildren and sisters are still alive. I think I will understand grief then.

Another thing I can't understand is visiting graves or urns in walls. My father used to say, "When you're dead, you're dead!"

And I used to be a minister's wife.

However, I hate the idea of someone young dying. That is very sad.