increasing disorganization as we aspies age

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I’m less organised… but I have less to organise. So I’m still bumbling on.

I am terrible at keeping things organized. An elderly neighbor once told me "A place for everything and everything in its place." I have not been able to do that with everything but I have managed to do it with SOME things. Keys are always on the hook. Glasses on a specific shelf by the bed. Phone has three homes in the house and it must be on me or in one of those three places.

I have always resented the time it takes to straighten up, clean up, do housework. Recently I saw a quote that said something like caring for your immediate environment is an act of self-love. So that's helpful too.

The worst part is my work things. I go as fast as I can to meet immediate deadlines and then paperwork piles up and pretty soon - make that all the time - I have no idea where the important papers are. This has gotten dramatically worse in the past couple of years. Another reason I have to retire. Like do I need more reasons?

AB, you are never going into a nursing home. Promise.

I always figured that it wasn't my EF that was getting worse, but that more things keep getting added to the paperwork & responsibilities as I age. Life gets more complicated, not simpler, year by year.

And since I'm the woman in the relationship, lots of this stuff, by default, seems to fall to me. So, for example, there aren't any cards (xmas, bday, etc.) going out anymore, & in return we don't get any either. & so on. By the time I get a handle on things (& new things), something new gets added which disrupts things again, & the cycle repeats.

Now you mention it, I still have trouble like that with boxes. I have too many of them and they're never the right size for the job because it's impossible to anticipate exactly what I'm going to store in them at the time I collect them. Even when I know exactly what I want, there's never a box to be found in the outside world that's precisely the right dimensions. Too big, and it wastes space. Too small is even worse because the overspill of stuff becomes an awkward organisation problem.

Another issue is that the material the box is made of is rarely ideal. Robust and transparent with lids that are easy to remove and replace, that's the best thing. Transparent doesn't hide the ugliness of the contents but it allows me to see what's in there (to a degree) without opening the box, so convenience wins over visual aesthetics. Sadly, the cheapest boxes (usually free) are cardboard, which is neither transparent nor particularly robust, though they can more readily be cut down to "perfect" size and taped together (except that collections tend to grow at an unpredictable rate, dammit). And cardboard might seem robust when it's new, but often falls apart after a decade or two, which can suddenly wreak havoc and give me some hard work to do (I hate suddenly being saddled with hard work).

I occasionally wonder if I could find out how to make my own ideal boxes. All I'd need would be a ton of very cheap perspex, an efficient cutting tool, some really good glue, a good space to work, and a bit of box-making skill. Somehow I get the impression my own perfectionism is getting in the way, rather like it did in the old days when I'd start tidying up and find myself distracted into figuring out a unified theory of tidying. But how am I supposed to do a thing when I don't know what it is? I suppose sometimes there's no substitute for courageously trying to muddle through with ad-hoc intuition, though without enough experience that's prone to failure, at least on the first attempt. But it does get better after a few decades of intermittent trying. It's surprising what can be achieved by trial-and-error and plenty of time for the brain to process problems. Nor is it always necessary to process the matter consciously. I've often dismissed a problem from my mind and found that when I return to it, my brain has unconsciously moved things on a bit.

Yes I've noticed that. When I was in my 20s, although I was living independently, everything was much simpler than it is these days. I wish I knew why. It certainly seems true that the world demands more paperwork than it used to, but is that the only reason?

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My memory isn’t as good as previously.

thank you for that bit of hope

AFAIK mine is still as good as it was in my teens (i.e. of mixed reliability). But prior to that I still don't understand how I managed to do well with exams at school before that. They didn't give us homework until I was nearly 12.

We had homework in first grade

My education began in 1957, and although there was no homework for 7 years or so, many of us did quite well. It's quite common in the UK to get homework from the age of 5 these days, though it's not usually a lot until the kids are a bit older. And some schools don't bother with it till quite late. The government no longer publishes guidelines, and leaves the matter to the head teachers. Homework is a controversial issue in the UK, with some citing Finland as a place where there's little or no homework but good educational results:
https://absolutely-education.co.uk/homework/

I remember throwing a fit one day in Kindergarten because I wanted homework like my big brother.
My teacher sent me home with a picture of an ice cream cone to colour.
I wasn't impressed.

they should have accelerated you. you're clearly gifted.

I was pretty good toward the end if my 20s and I peaked around 30, but I rapidly declined after, everything is a mess now.

Comes with tradeoffs. Kids should spend time as kids, they're not gonna get that back.

Uh, I don't know.
I was really motivated in Primary school because I loved reading and research.
I did really well in Mathematics and yeah, I guess most subjects, until about age 12.
Most of it was because I wanted to be alone so I liked doing projects in the library.
It was a socially-acceptable way to avoid bullies.
I liked homework because I wouldn't have to speak to anyone in my family.

By middle school I failed some classes and got a bad attitude.
That's the age when I got overwhelmed by peer pressure and my differences.
I couldn't deal with rotary classes, having multiple teachers, or strict timetables.
I couldn't deal with adolescence or social skills.

High school was hit and miss.
I had perfect grades in some classes, and as low as 12% in others.
Sometimes it was the same subject being high one year and low the next.
I was horribly disorganised in terms of time management (rabbit holes vs. no work).

It's a miracle I got into Uni after failing a few classes.
I'd never been in a school club or anything, either.

I was more driven by a desire to move away from my parents, than by school itself.
I left home at 18 for undergrad and never went back.