Pretending To Be Normal

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I feel like some “masking” is presenting to others a “public face,” which NT’s do to a large extent.

Saying this, I don’t “mask” all that well.

Maximum I can do is mask one o one. I a group setting I've got no chance.

Very much so. I think of it as, there's "masking" as in "tape" where some things are covered while other things are left visible, or are framed in certain ways - and there's "masking" as in "costume", where everything is covered up, and pretending to be something else. One takes a lot more work to maintain than the other.

As time has passed and am alittle less energetic.. Have let the mask fall alittle.. And just do not care Anymore .
Alittle Grey Hair gets you extra mileage , if they can just say, " Oh Well she is just old" Sometimes it can be hard not to notice things and even say them outloud . And just not care that you said it outloud .Generally I know my nature is not to be mean to others . So i worry less about some stuff i say..but thats just me .

Who is gonna care in a hundred years.

I'm more or less the same person at home as I am at work, well, to the same sort of extent average NTs are. I don't come home from work and start stimming autisticly like an autistic friend of mine does. If he's been socialising he has to get home and pace around a room and flap his hands and make loud humming noises to release the energy he's been masking. I don't need to do that. When I come out of work I tell my boyfriend about my day, he tells me about his day, and other general things, and I don't feel I'm a different person or anything. Even if I've had a bad day at work I'm still communicative. I'd just spend the evening worrying about how my day went at work and ruminating in my head and maybe feeling depressed.

I'm communicative always---but I do sometimes to "autistic" things in the privacy of my own home. My wife thinks I'm totally nuts.

What do you mean by "autistic things"? (Just curious).

Because I think everyone does their own quirky thing in their own home. My boyfriend sometimes sings loudly to himself when he's busy in the kitchen but I doubt he'd do that when he's at work.

I repeat some phrases that I like hearing myself say.

I also mock-box, and punch the walls (though never hard).

I'm known as "The Wolfman" at my local supermarket. I don't mind that for some reason. It's because I howl sometimes when I go shopping.

I should really be "embarrassed"---but I'm not.

I can stop all this if I feel like it; I'm not "compelled" to do this because of my autism.

Wow, I wouldn't have the guts to howl like a wolf in public. Not that I have the urge to do it anyway. But if I did, everyone would turn my way and stare, and I fear being stared at by strangers.
The only thing I do have an urge to do in supermarket is yell "God damnit get the f**k out of my way!! !" like Cartman does in the South Park episode Cartmanland, especially when there's kids too near me. But I know that wouldn't be acceptable. I just feel angry and tense inside, but the feeling goes away as soon as I come out, and it doesn't need to be let out through stimming or anything.

Lights, smells or even most noise doesn't bother me in supermarkets at all. The only noise that does cause anxiety for me is tantruming toddlers.

Sometimes, I take the side of the kid; other times, I take the side of the mother when a kid is throwing a tantrum. I feel an urge to pick up the kid and comfort the kid, though I would never do that. Yep....sometimes the kid is spoiled, though.

I don't like to see people crying in general. It sort of like being stabbed by a knife, in a way, though not literally.

I get very sensitive to people's emotions and I don't like seeing people unhappy, as it makes me unhappy. If I saw a small child lost or hurt themselves or about to be in some sort of danger or whatever, I'd instinctively want to help or comfort them. If I see a regular temper tantrum in the supermarket I don't seem to feel much sympathy.
Like one time when a mother wouldn't let her 2-year-old have candy because she'd been naughty but let the older siblings have candy because they had been good, and of course that made the toddler have the biggest meltdown ever; laying on the floor and kicking and screaming. My friend was like "poor baby" but I just thought "get it away from me, bloody kids!"
Also whenever I go into a toy store 9 times out of 10 there is always a toddler having a tantrum because the parents won't let them have a toy. But admittedly I don't think it's fair on small children to drag them into a toy store only to tell them that they're just browsing and not being allowed to buy a toy. A small child is typically too immature to understand that and will lash out. While I understand that, I still can't bear hearing it.

This is probably one of the differences between males and females. Around the age of around 12, males undergo severe physical and mental attacks by young NT males. I was attacked daily for three years at school. Their attacks were brutal. They were always a herd of young boys who worked together as a team. I was a longer. They always attack loners or they drive away their friends and make them into loners. The experience that females encounter are very different. Generally it is not physical attacks.