I can't tell if it's real

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Why did you originally get tested?

I wasn't Diagnosed until my early 30's. I felt and reacted differently to getting a diagnosis than most people do. I wasn't happy, I wasn't even glad to get a diagnosis. I just felt Doomed, like, there's no sure for this, this is never going away.

I'm still not thrilled with it. I've never really felt like I fit in anywhere. Not with Neurotypical folks, and not with Autistic folks either. (although I have made a few friends in both groups).

In the end I just had to cope with the fact that I am ME. I have my own strengths, and my own weaknesses too.

So no, I don't think you're a fake...you are just YOU. Coming to that realization myself helped me a bit.

The definition of narcissistic is: Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence, they are not sure of their self-worth and are easily upset by the slightest criticism.

In my opinion, they are major extroverts. They think very quickly and go into attack mode instantly when challenged.

The definition of Schizoid personality disorder is a personality disorder characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency toward a solitary or sheltered life style, secretiveness, emotional coldness, detachment, and apathy. Affected individuals may be unable to form intimate attachments to others and simultaneously possess a rich and elaborate but exclusively internal fantasy world.

Since an ideal set of events, there are only two possibilities, that you are autistic or you are not.
Being positive, you are autistic (if it's what you want to explain your existence).

I think that maybe you have developed strong coping mechanisms and a good mask. I have read in other places that people who discover being autistic in adulthood have been masking almost all their life —and that's why we are not diagnosed until adulthood— and so well that they don't know who they really are. It's really hard for people that have been masking all their lives to unmask. You assimilate this mask as part of who you are and when you try to unmask you feel uncomfortable.

I think that trying to unmask can lead to an identity crisis because you "can be" neurotypical, but you don't identify with them. Also, you have been playing to be neurotypical almost all your life and it's hard to identify as autistic.

DanielW said something important: "I've never really felt like I fit in anywhere. Not with Neurotypical folks, and not with Autistic folks either... In the end, I just had to cope with the fact that I am ME..."

I forgot. One night, when these intrusive thoughts about my diagnosis came, I found this post called "Stuck Between Two Worlds: Having a Brain that is Half Autistic and Half Neurotypical": https://autismspectrumnews.org/stuck-be ... rotypical/
I saved it in my bookmarks to read when I'm feeling bad about my diagnosis. I hope it could help you.

That's just a shitheaded thing for people to say to you. Cut those shitlords out of your life.

Unless one is one of those fakers who goes on tik tok or youtube to pretend to have something in order to get social media attention and fame, it's not likely that Autism would be the thing that one would choose to fake in order to get attention or to feel special. I can only speak for myself here, but being Autistic does not in any way, or has it ever made me feel "special' in an attention seeking sort of way, and usually the "attention" that I receive from others because I am Autistic, is not the kind of attention that I want. It tends to come in the form of bullying, gaslighting, social abuse, and dismissal. So Autism is not something that I would think that people would fake just to feel special or to get attention unless they are manipulative enough to do it to deceive complete strangers on social media for reasons that I can't understand.

WELL, Disclaimer. I haven't been tested, and thanks to the new laws, and DSM, I don't plan to be but I feel I can make a case for MY being AS. That is based on the previous DSM, and also what I understand of aspergers studies. With that in mind.....

On your point #1, I am similar. EVERYONE is generally better if it is someone they know. And such people are less likely to point out such mistakes you make anyway. Even when I had to often comb my hair, I often didn't and often didn't even have a comb handy. As for shaving? Just recently a person thought I was trying to grow a beard, because I didn't shave for a week. Since the lockdown, in 2020, I have been to the barber 3 times. SERIOUSLY! I DO shower and all every day though. As for not shaving in a week? I work remote, and some thursdays have to attend a video meeting, so I try to shave then.

2-With routines, My routines changed like every 2 or 3 decades. I guess I can be forgiven for that. But I do have my own ways of doing things, etc....

3-My main interest was electronics, and I went to computers. With computers, it was in the late 1970s when I was still in highschool. I knew it would take off, but never knew how lucrative it could be. But I was ADDICTED! Man, I almost CRIED when I first tried out Linux. It was before even v1, and it was SOOOOOO close! And when I tried V1, it was SOOO nice!
I am like dinozzo and mcgee rolled into one! I've been reading since I was about 3.

4-I've been sensitive to noise and light. I stim a bit also.

5-I have had some similar symptoms.

6 and 7 ARE relatively common in people on the spectrum. I don't have those though.

On your "Reasons I might not have ASD":

1-I have the same kind of social imagination, and apparently a number of people on the spectrum have the same kind of thing. It is a coping mechanism to predict what might happen, and be ready for it. I will often have it to where I am like in a similar room as I might be, with people as I imagine they are, in the same room, and have a conversation with them, about what I have to discuss, and get feedback as if they were really there. I used to do this like every day in the shower. For some reason I felt more relaxed there.

2-Apparently NOT unusual on the spectrum.

3-I didn't think to check on how old you are, but when I was a kid, and even in all of highschool, etc.... The autistic spectrum REALLY didn't effectively exist! There was only ONE diagnosis! THAT was what is today called LFA, or classical autism! You and I and probably nearly everyone on this website do NOT have that. Around 1981 or so, that changed. And it took a while for that change to filter down to everyone! I didn't know about that change until 2005!

BTW I am talking about the US, ACTUALLY. Apparently AS WAS RE "discovered" by most of the western world around 1981 as well. It was actually first discovered, at least as it is recognized, by a guy named Hans Asperger in 1944. He was in Nazi Germany, and apparently nobody bothered to really read his papers for a while.

AS is the sneakiest type of Autism because a person can seem relatively normal, and still have the social problems that mark them as autistic. Outside of a few odd quirks they MIGHT have that might seem like something someone with even LFA might do, the average person might never expect it.

So it isn't surprising that you found out late. My school teachers claimed I had ADHD or something,and wanted to put me on ritalin. My mother refused. I DID go to a doctor, and was tested, IQ tests and all, and he considered me a bright kid, but didn't think anything was wrong. My mother didn't even tell me about how they wanted to put me on ritalin until I was in my 50s. But I have known people that were put on ritalin and related things, and am happy I never took the stuff. At the time, at that school, I was getting straight As. It is weird that they would suggest that I had ADHD. I was VERY curious, and was ALWAYS asking questions, and maybe they REALLY didn't like it. 8/ But THAT was LONG before 1980.

My brain won't let go of the possibility that I somehow tricked the psychologist who specializes in autism.

Why are you opposed to getting tested?

2ukenkerl, I'm just being curious. I'm not from the US, but I have heard that in some US states there is a mandatory autistic registry, but these laws are different in each state.
What are the law limitations that keep you from being diagnosed?

In my country, there is a law called the "General Act for Attention and Protection of People in the Autism Spectrum". It sounds good a law that 'protects' us, but instead of protecting this law established two important limitations: A federal registry for autistic people and the limitation to work.
1. About the federal registry, one only is registered if they get their diagnosis through the public health system or if they want to get another public assistance —In my country, only extreme cases in poor families get public health assistance. The private health system is cheap and most of the 2nd class people use it for cases like ASD and ADHD.
2. It was mandatory for all autistic people (especially those in the registry) to get a permit for work. This restriction was repealed by the Supreme Court because it was considered unconstitutional.

These laws are made by NT politicians who know nothing or do not enough about ASD.

There are no such laws or registries in the US. In fact an autism diagnosis by itself doesn't automatically mean access to healthcare benefits. Adults on the spectrum can't even access autism treatment, because in most places there simply isn't any, and if there are services in some areas they are not covered by insurance.

Eight US states have a mandatory Autistic registry.

osted by
u/TheDuckClock
Autistic Adult / DX'd at Childhood / Proudly Neurodivergent5 months ago

Eight US States have mandatory autism databases. Requiring that any autistic person seeking mental health service be reported to the state. - This is a human rights violation and you MUST be aware of it.
Political
The following states have registries and laws requiring that mental health professionals and physicians register autistic clients with the state:

Delaware
Indiana
New Hampshire
New Jersey
North Dakota
Rhode Island
Utah
West Virginia

These registries are mandatory, and the various state laws allow for providers to be fined, disciplined, or even lose their license to practice if they fail to report autistic clients. This is an egregious human rights and ethical violation.

I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. Some time ago I read about that on Reddit and I thought it was true.

https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/comment ... databases/

But looking for more information on Google, I found that some of these registries are voluntary and in some states, like New Jersey, are mandatory. Healthcare providers are required to provide information about ASD diagnosis in people below 21 years to a database, but one can decide if the identifiers (name, address, etc.) appear on it or not.

https://autismnj.org/article/autism-reg ... and-myths/

I didn't say that the purpose of these registries in the US is to give healthcare benefits. I think that their purpose is to retrieve statistical data, but in any case, they are a risk to privacy and this data can be used for malicious purposes.

I've been reading a lot of posts on Wrong Planet about people who have tricked psychologists and people who fake it on social media for attention and I get scared that I'm one of those people and I start hating myself. Although unless you count this I don't have any social media.

Don't worry about that. If you want to find out if you are Autistic, you need to look into getting a diagnosis. A diagnosis done thoroughly and correctly cannot be faked. But you have to make the decision. You can't just stay in limbo like this. Either decide to get a real diagnosis test done or just be happy with not knowing. But you can't keep stressing over whether or not you are faking. Just live your life as it works for you and don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

Of The states listed, only New Jersey is trying to make it madatory - even its legality is being challenged.