Bullying completely destroyed my life

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Joined: 6 Mar 2016
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15 Apr 2023, 5:04 am

TheUndiagnosed wrote:

I feel your pain, bullying ruined my life as well.
I was bullied throughout highschool and even after it was finished when I met those bastards again...
It turned me into a sociophobic hikkikomori who was scared of going outside, it's one of the very reason I spent my 20s mostly isolated and with no social contacts.
It's only when you grow older that you realize the magnitude of the mental damage it did on you,.
Bullying is similar to rape in terms of emotional scars it leaves on victims... Sometimes I have flashbacks of those episode and it's painful as hell even after almost 30 years...
But the saddest thing is realizing that some of the bullies where on the autism-spectrum themselves! This proves that autism-spectrum people are really hell-dwellers, we cannot even classify ourselves as "the good " ones.
On top of that all bullies moved on with their lives, most of them lead succesful lives, they have a wife/gf, children,
important jobs,live in big homes, drive expensive cars...and it's hard to regain faith on humanity when you see this.

I am sorry for what you went through. Life is just ret*d and its doesn't make sense how these evil people get away with ruining lives.

Do you mind if I chat with you?

autisticelders
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15 Apr 2023, 7:40 am

I was not diagnosed until I was 68, and was bullied all my life. Due to having been trained through traumatic punishment to instant obedience no matter who told me "what to do" I had appeasement behavior and did not learn about being self assertive in healthy ways until well into adulthood. Even after I learned how to be self assertive, I was still bullied. I don't have any answers, but wanted to tell you I understand, and you are not alone.

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colliegrace
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15 Apr 2023, 7:43 am

xxautisticfoolxx wrote:

colliegrace wrote:

People tend to think bullying isn't legitimately traumatic for some reason. But it absolutely is. It's basically peer-enforced abuse.

Are you seeing a therapist or any mental health professional about your trauma at all? Do you think they offer anything at all helpful to you? If you aren't happy with a therapist you can fire them and switch therapists.
Finding the right help for your trauma and mental illness can be hard and it requires you to advocate for yourself when your professionals and/or treatment aren't the right fit. But it is worth it.

I never understood how therapy is meant to help with the trauma? I mean what is done is done and my mind has been destroyed by hundreds of as*hole bullies and there is no legal action I can take. I don't get how paying a random stranger to talk with him for hours about all this is meant to help?

There are various therapies to deal with trauma disorders and even to begin healing from the trauma. Not to say it's a cure-all, but it certainly can help. You need a therapist who is specifically trauma-informed tho, and who does more than simple talk therapy.

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Also diagnosed with: seasonal depression, anxiety, OCD

firemonkey
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15 Apr 2023, 1:07 pm

colliegrace wrote:

People tend to think bullying isn't legitimately traumatic for some reason. But it absolutely is. It's basically peer-enforced abuse.

Although I've spoken quite a lot online about the bullying I was subjected to,it wasn't something I discussed with the mental health professionals I saw. I thought yes it wasn't good, but trauma is more serious things like physical and sexual abuse. Sometimes have thought I was pathetic and weak for not getting over the way it's affected to me.For some reason I opened up to my care coordinator come depot nurse recently.. Her instant response? 'Bullying related trauma'

Joe90
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15 Apr 2023, 1:16 pm

Therapy is OK if you have the time and the money.

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SarahBea
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15 Apr 2023, 2:06 pm

MatchboxVagabond wrote:

I think a lot of people are going to relate to the pain that you're in. It's really your call whether or not you want to forgive them, but do keep in mind that typically forgiveness is about the impact on you, not the impact on them. And forgiving does not require forgetting nor does it require trusting them again. Forgetting and trusting are privileges that they would have to earn if they actually care enough to get it.

That being said, a therapist is likely to be able to help a lot with learning to reframe and otherwise cope with the emotional aspect. I wouldn't personally recommend martial arts as that does nothing about the emotions that you're dealing with. I don't know that it would be harmful, but I do get the feeling that it doesn't really address the issue as most of the harm that's going to be done has already been done and without some way of letting go or at least moving on to something more useful, you're just going to be stuck forever.

Personally, I found attending meditation classes to be very helpful. The meditation center I went to wouldn't even accept donations, I don't know where they got their funding from, but the only opportunity to give them money was to buy one of the few meditation related pieces of equipment they had on offer. (It was one of the countless centers that were founded by Sri Chinmoy if you're curious,there are thousands of them across the world and there may be one in your neck of the woods)

It is worth noting though that a lot of the therapies out there are not great with autistic people, especially those that are in our heads all the time, so make sure to mention it when looking for a therapist, because you'll probably have better results with some form of therapy that involves doing things rather than analyzing them.

I think the good thing about martial arts might be that it is an active activity, which is good for mental health. It might also be good for confidence to be able to do things. I agree with what other people have said. It is not actually going to stop bullying.

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TheUndiagnosed
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08 Nov 2024, 6:57 am

TheUndiagnosed wrote:

I'm a high school teacher now, and it's sad to see bullying again.... I noticed there are a couple of studends who may be on the spectrum.... it seems there is more awareness of autism now

ToughDiamond
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08 Nov 2024, 11:32 am

Obviously bullying wouldn't be tolerated in a civilised group or society. I was lucky, I somehow dodged most of it when I was in education and at work. But not everybody is so fortunate.

I suppose it's a problem of resources. It's cheaper to leave a bunch of kids to their own devices in schools that are too big in the first place, and inconvenient for the teachers to go to the trouble of finding out who started it. And for some reason, society never seems to have the resources to fix anything like all the problems that I for one think are pretty serious. Yet I see resources squandered on useless rubbish all the time.

I don't know what the answer is. I wish I knew why bullies left me alone at school and why they picked on other kids as much as they did. Maybe for some reason I didn't stand out as a target, but if so I don't know what it was about my appearance that did the trick. I suppose, looking back, I was a bit more aggressive, boorish and cruel in terms of how I talked and sometimes behaved, and I was somewhat rebellious towards and about most of the teachers. But I don't know.

To this day, when I see or hear about a rampant bully, I have a strong desire to catch them and kick the s**t out of them, but I'm not quite stupid enough to carry out my desire, unless I was very sure I'd get away with it. It would be justifiable retribution, but I'd probably get the blame. They do so much damage, usually with impunity.

I wish I knew why I feel so strongly when I've been so immune from the pain they cause. Dad used to feel the same way, only more intensely so. He actually set up lethal man-traps on his allotment, designed to maim any hooligans that broke in, because they didn't break in to steal anything, they broke in for the sadistic pleasure of hurting people. Luckily he was talked into dismantling the traps before anybody got hurt, but it wasn't easy to convince him.

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