Do any of you have issues with aspie support group?

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I haven't been to an Aspie support group, but I have considered it, both online and in person. I don't think I would get bored or not be able to pay attention, since I don't mind being bored by other people, and I actually find it easier in conversation if the other person is talking, because at least they are entertaining themselves and I don't have to think of things to say. But I digress.

I worry that I would find other Aspies hard to relate to, because my own ASD traits are fairly limited and somewhat mild, though they cause me significant problems and distress. And I worry about listening to other people's problems not because I might find them boring but because it would upset me to know that they are having a hard time and it would make me wish I could help but I wouldn't know how to. I would also worry about dumping my problems on them and have that be a burden for them.

How would a support group be different, in these particular regards, from Wrong Planet itself, where you already do participate regularly?

As I see it, in both international support forums and local support groups, one should not be expect to be able to relate to everything said by every other member. (If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person.) But there will almost certainly be at least some things we can relate to.

Also, in local support groups as well as in international support forums, it's not anyone's job (not even the facilitator's job, let alone anyone else's) to solve everyone else's problems, although every now and then you might be able to give some useful, knowledgeable advice.

As I see it, international support forums and local support groups both have their advantages and disadvantages, but it seems to me that the above issues are (to some extent, at least) common to both.

Or did you mean to say that, in an in-person support group, you would find other people's problems to be more emotionally overwhelming to you than they are here on WP? And perhaps you fear that the same would also be true for other members when you have occasion to share your own problems?

That's odd. As far as I am aware, most autistic adult support groups are not about trying to "cure" people. Some support groups do teach some skills, but that's not the same thing as an alleged "cure."


In other words, the group didn't make a point of trying to help newcomers feel welcome. Alas, almost all human groups naturally tend to be cliquish unless they make a specific effort not to be cliquish. Support group facilitators and core members should make this effort, IMO. Some do, some don't.


What kinds of hidden agendas, besides the obvious one of marketing to potential clients?

Not all support groups are led by professionals or grad students, although many are.


Presentations by one person CAN be helpful if the person has worthwhile information to share, as long as the meeting is not mis-labeled as a group discussion.

Some groups have both presentations/workshops and group discussions. In a group discussion, the main job of the facilitator should be to make sure everyone has chances to speak.


I hope this attitude isn't common in autistic support groups.

I think it's this. On WP I can just ignore a post that I don't have any response to, and others can do the same for mine.

That's one of the reasons why I generally prefer a forum to either in IM or in person/zoom groups. I can ignore things that aren't of interest without it being awkward and if I need processing time to come up with a response, I've got that.

I do occasionally like the more realtime interactions, but for me personally, I don't get much out of that that I can't get in asynchronous interactions.

I have never found a support group where I actually felt supported. I have also been kicked out of and ghosted by Autistic support groups because I don't fit into their boxes of what an Autistic person should look and act like.

Are you able to say what specifically happened and what you specifically said that offended the other member? I am curious because just two days ago, an nt told me something very disturbing that he felt about me and other Autistic people. I am wondering if you had a similar experience to mine.

I feel the same way and that makes support groups incredible stressful for me.

That's a good one! Too funny!!

• Aside from trying to drum up clients for their professional services, there were those who tried to sell expensive dietary supplements, or recruit people for their MLMs or religions.

• Monologuists who kept interrupting to talk about something someone else said, and how it related to their own problems, and then kept on talking. This happened over and over again, despite the facilitators’ best efforts.

• My guess is that after a while, the ‘core’ members grew so close that they felt threatened by new people who ‘intruded’ on their ‘private’ little groups.

All I wanted was to gain a better understanding of ‘aspie’ behavior (in myself and others). But if what I experienced was representative ‘aspie’ behavior, well . . . I do not go to ‘support’ groups anymore.

It's not possible to make a rule requiring that you pay attention to everything 100% of the time. It's not possible to tell people that their minds are not allowed to wander from time to time. It's also not possible to not allow an Autistic person to have a fidget toy in an Autism support group. That would fall under the definition of cruel and unusual punishment.

I left a Facebook "support" group because I warned them NOT to say something in particular but they did anyway then jumped all over me like I was the bad one when I complained about my boundaries being disrespected.

No issues.

Except the things I cannot articulate, which is me problem.



I hadn't been in any toxic group myself. Or groups whose agendas I know not of.

Hopefully I never will be. Because so far, I never had not even once apparently...

Perhaps it's luck.
Or perhaps I have the knack to know where to look for a group before joining, let alone participating and staying.

I'm just a bit specific and picky that way -- I choose, not the other way around alone.
I'd rather be in a group where I can contribute and engage, than just being one-way audience and merely in need of a group.

If the person running the group is a qualified psychotherapist or social worker specializing in autistic adult issues, I don't find this objectionable as long as it's not done in a hard-sell way.

For example, before COVID, I attended a monthly support group here in NYC that was led by a therapist who is qualified to diagnose adult autism and who also does clinical training of psychology grad students. Of course, facilitating this group was, for her, a way to attract potential clients, both for herself and for her externs/trainees. But she did a good job of facilitating the group overall, IMO.


That sounds very annoying. So far I've not encountered this from anyone in any support group (professional-led o peer-led) I've attended or facilitated.

The one thing I, personally, occasionally, gently, try to "sell" some people on is the idea of starting their own specialized group, e.g. for autistic people in with some specific hobby or in some specific career category, as per my Longterm visions for the autistic community and Autistic workers project.

Such groups, pertaining to careers or hobbies other than my own, are of no direct personal benefit to me, but the existence of a wide variety of such groups could be of great benefit to the autistic community as a whole.

But I do understand that only a small minority of autistic people have the ability to start/lead/facilitate a group, or would enjoy doing so.


This can indeed be very tough for a facilitator to handle, especially in an in-person group. It is less of a problem in a text-based chat. (My group holds both text-based chats and in-person gatherings.)


If it were simply a question of wanting a private little group, there would be nothing stopping the core members from holding their own separate private, by-invitation-only meetings in addition to (or instead of) the more public meetings.

In most cases, I think cliquishness is caused more by unintentionally exclusive behaviors, such as in-jokes, than by the core members specifically wanting to exclude people. Therefore, in a public group, the leaders/facilitators and core members need to make a specific point of welcoming newcomers and avoiding exclusive behaviors.

One way to accomplish this, paradoxically, is to have a separate private by-invitation-only group for the core members, where the core members can bond with each other by (among other things) telling all the in-jokes they want, and where they can also discuss how best to welcome newcomers and avoid unintentional in-group behaviors in the more-public group.


Creating a group that works well for autistic people is indeed a challenge, but I think it's a very worthwhile challenge. Such groups, if done well, can be one of the best places for many of us to find friends who will truly understand and care about us.

I must have sped read your comment first time, I only reread it when skibum pointed it out. Have you actually been in a group that had this rule?

I am very sorry to hear this!

It is, IMO, important for support group facilitators and core members to work on making their groups as inclusive as possible.

Or, at least, as inclusive as possible within the limits of what is logistically possible for the group. (For example, it's not possible to accommodate everyone in terms of meeting format, because a group that meets via text-based chat intrinsically disadvantages dyslexics, whereas a group that meets via Zoom intrinsically excludes people with sensory issues triggered by Zoom's way of doing streaming video, and likewise every other conceivable format will intrinsically exclude or disadvantage some people.)