One thing I find odd about NTs...

Post Reply New Topic

They just like to try to mess with our heads. Chances are if an NT gave them the exact same list and comments, they wouldn't have anything bad to say about it.

I do like messing with their heads sometimes though

Not excusing it by any means, but I think that one reason people go along with bullying (which is what that is, laughing at the person who very nicely compiled a list of books) is that they're afraid that if they step out of line even one iota, they will be the next person to be ridiculed and bullied, so they have to make sure everything they do will be seen as completely acceptable and within some accepted norm. They have to join in piling on or they might be seen as accepting of the out-of-the-norm behavior.

And both the bully and the enablers have to act like it's funny when they talk about it, because otherwise what other excuse would they have for mentioning it at all?

I think you're right Bee33, it's all for show and security.

But I just keep thinking 'all it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to say nothing.' Some quote like that. We need to stand up against the bad stuff.

Agree, but I think we have to know when to stand up against bad stuff and when not to, for our own self-preservation. It's great to want to help, but if you are vulnerable or fragile the cost might be too high. You have to know yourself to know where your limits are. I know that for me, I am bad a gauging what would be considered a relatively normal or appropriate reaction that would effectively defuse a bad situation rather than making it worse. And I also know that I might fall apart if I have to deal with being bullied myself as a result. Not that I haven't stood up for what I thought was right, but the outcome has not always been good.

I think we can do the right thing quietly by ourselves without making a show about it.

However, I have a terrible feeling that soon we won't be able to think of our individual self-preservation. We're going to have to band together with others to fight against the bad people. I don't know how this would work but we need to be aware of it.

I'm the same as you- fragile and vulnerable, but I'm learning to find ways of standing up to things e.g. when on school sports day, another parent commented about my daughter's teacher, who is gay. The other parent said 'those other teachers are running fast in that race because (teacher) is going to bvgger them against a tree.' I was so shocked at the time I didn't say anything. but I should have said, 'no, (teacher) would never do something like that, he's a decent man.'

Little things like that. But that was a safe environment though.

Banding together would be great, but in my experience whenever I stood up for justice and thought I would get cheers and enthusiastic followers like in a movie, it never happened. People distance themselves because they don't want to be seen as troublemakers, or be associated with the troublemaker. Suddenly they've never heard of the bully that everyone was always complaining about. But maybe it would work with some advance planning.

And for the other example, I have banked some phrases that can be useful: "Being gay is just a normal part of life. Nothing to get worked up about." "It's not the race (or gender, ethnicity, religion, etc), it's the person." "Every nationality (or gender, ethnicity, religion, etc) has nice people and bad people." And, this apples to most cases: "Shame on you (for saying such a thing)." A bit more daring.

Oh yes, I've experienced that too. But I'm so used to being the troublemaker and the weirdo that I don't care anymore Often people have come quietly up to me afterwards and said 'I agreed with you, well done for saying that.'



Good, those are great phrases.

Someone pointed out to me recently: we aren't standing up to the bigot because we hope to change the bigot in any way. We are standing up to the bigot for the people around them e.g. children, vulnerable adults, people who are undecided. If they see someone pointing out the bad stuff the bigot says, it will reassure them that they aren't wrong or bad just because the bigot tells them they are.

e.g. In my example of the homophobic parent, if I'd said something against their comment, children nearby who may be gay would have realised they weren't bad or wrong because I was pointing this out clearly.

Yep.

Therefore, we can't just wait until bullying happens and expect people to join us in standing up against it. Instead, we need to have a general life strategy that includes making a point of seeking out people whom we can band together with. This means looking for fellow oddballs who are willing to stand up against bullies (but are not so fanatical about it that they become bullies themselves).

This is one of the reasons why it's a good idea to form groups of autistic people, and also a good idea to get involved in political activism against various kinds of bigotry.

For NT in general it's a top priority to be accepted by the group. If they have to choose between to do the right thing or go with the group they choose to go against their own belief. Besides that, a psychologist once explaned my autistic personality to be on the opposite side of the spectrum from a psychopath with the general NT population in the middle. I think NT in general are more selfserving and more narcissistic than autistics.

^An excellent point.

I've done that so often: going against the group to do the right thing. I know that sounds so up my own arse but I usually do choose to do the right thing and not follow the group.

It has made me very unpopular. I reckon people think they daren't do anything naughty in front of me because I'm a goody goody. I'm not a goody goody though

I'm learning that these NTs prioritise social standing, fitting in and covering up mistakes over anything else.