Discussing Suicide Prevention in the Autism Community

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confirmed aspergers and ADHD here, growing up i was often isolated alot or outcasted because of my disabilities. the only time i felt connections was with others who had disabilities aswell since there was something to bounce off of and a automatic understanding of what having a disability entails. i used to ponder the act of

ALOT and still struggle with these thoughts to this day aswell. throughout high school it was especially challenging, and especially when I was being introduced to the reality of my conditions aswell which lead to me refusing medication in order to help cope in high school (my sort of rebellion and lying to myself that I was perfectly fine as a coping mechanism).

So, in my honest opinion - supporting and encouraging an enviornment where those with the disabilities are asked how things are. Sitting down for maybe 10 - 15 minutes with a chat, either face to face or through text. A sense of community and belonging is something I strongly believe would help tackle the struggle of suicide - I've noticed that alot of those who are also on the spectrum struggle incredibly to find their place. It took a friend I know 5 years before they found theirs and I am still finding mine to this day.

Alot of us on the spectrum want to feel and be neurotypical but obviously because of circumstances this is out of our hand. Something that's coming to my head as i'm writing is disability fry ups with strong encouragment of those with disabilities to come along to a reasonbly sized barbeque with very relaxed social rules (i.e. come and go at your own leisure). There's harmony in unity, after all

I think one of the problems with such high statistics for autistic folks as a group is that for years we were taught compliance, masking, and how to please others. Suicide might sometimes seem to be the only choice we have to escape the emotional pain and turmoil inside us.

Once our appeasement (or unhealthy other behavior pattern) is learned, usually as small children, many of us have not changed that pattern. For me, I know I could not think of any other way to respond to demands from others.

I needed somebody to explain to me that I did have many choices in how to respond to any demand from another person except to appease and please them.

I had to have another person point out the alternatives and teach me step by step "how to do it" my behaviors and responses were "locked in" by previous trama and my autistic rigidity, and I did not understand that I could actually choose for myself to respond in many other ways besides instant obedience and trying to please and appease.

Therapy changed my life. So much of my depression was due to being conditioned to respond only one way to others, and blaming myself when I failed to please.

I had been raised by a 'dysfunctional' family and did not know that I could choose multiple responses to any requests or demands from others. It took a while for me to catch on, and I definitely needed outside help to learn "how to do it". My last suicide attempt was age 29. I finally got therapy I learned that I had alternatives and choices and there were other healthier "ways out".
I just had to learn "how to do it". Something I had missed in my life all that time, and something in my autism's "rigid thinking" patterns kept me there until somebody was able to see that and point it out. It has been so freeing and although I have thoughts, I consider myself to be in recovery, and have now for longer than those first 30 years of intense depression and suicidal thoughts and behavior. I have choices I can make, and I never knew it.

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

I think that quote encapsulates why autistic people struggle so much. We're different but expected to perform socially as if we're not. Then we feel stupid or broken for not meeting criteria that arguably we're not designed for. I'm not saying we shouldn't learn as best we can to socialize. But I think we should also remember that it's not our fault if we're not always able to do it well. We shouldn't blame ourselves.

I think about suicide frequently, but I don’t think I’d ever actually do it on account of being a mom. My son needs me. I find life almost unbearable sometimes though. My suicidal thoughts are related to trauma. I’ve tried different things but haven’t found anything that helpful. Self-care is good - listening to music, going for hikes, writing, and stuff like that. Therapy hasn’t helped me all that much, but I might consider it again at some point in the future. I was hospitalized after my first, adult trauma due to being suicidal. I didn’t find being hospitalized that helpful, but it gave me time to get past the initial shock/devastation in a (relatively) safe space. A fellow inmate threatened to kill me because I tattled on her. Her mom was sneaking her in meds to get high with. I was worried that she could overdose on them or that they’d interfere with whatever else she was on.

I was extremely popular with the nurses and doctors after that. I always get along swimmingly with teachers, professors, and psych ward staff.

"I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

- Thoreau


If I've ever wanted to die it's because I've never felt fully born. I've felt that I'm in a membrane or cocoon and hiding from my own existence since my earliest memories. I didn't bring myself forth to speak, to interact, to enjoy, or even to be.

Anxiety and self-consciousness from Scopophobia plagued me even before the trauma began. The world always felt like an illusion. I've always had too many thoughts, too much sensation, and too much emotion to regulate. There was never anyone to help, but I didn't even know I deserved help.

Fear was my default. It still is. Fear of the unknown, but also fear of the power of my own mind. Now that's combined with fear of regret, fear of shame, fear of guilt, fear of love, and fear of loss. If any emotion could overtake fear it would be guilt that I didn't say more, try harder, or love as much as I could.

I tried to OD when I was 14 after being publicly shamed for something I didn't do. I haven't recovered from the humiliation to this day and I see that time as a turning point in my self-concept. I wasn't successful but no one ever knew. I didn't even manage an appropriate cry for help.

My grandfather who was almost certainly autistic took his life on my 16th birthday. I didn't know the manner of death until later, and by then I felt tremendous sympathy and respect for the fact he got his wish. Regardless I saw the hell my father went through, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Around that time a friend took his life. Again I saw the despair faced by his parents and friends, especially as he was only 17. My kids have all had friends die this way, and their paternal grandmother chose MAID last summer without saying goodbye.

I don't think about doing it myself anymore. I can't, because I'm a mother and a single one at that. I would never do that to my children as the burden would be too much for them to bear.

My only wish is that I could learn how to live.