How to teach an autistic person to drive

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I had my permit for two years before I got my license. It didn't help that the driving school was horrible in many ways totally unrelated to autism.
At one point during the process my mom found someone who has created a bunch of online resources for autistic people learning to drive. Unfortunately I don't remember his name or information. The internet and I don't get along but if anyone knows about this or can find it, that might be a good idea. Sorry I'm not helping much.

There are varying degrees of ability to drive, some autistic folks do drive professionally, and others really had best not. It's mostly going to come down to your personally coordination and ability to keep up with the information and decision processing necessary.

That being said, my wife just got a '14 Ford Fusion and it comes with some pretty useful sensors like automatic braking, adaptive cruise control and parking assistant. It's not really enough to take somebody that shouldn't be driving and make them teachable, but being able to take the foot of the gas and focus on just braking while the cruise control does the rest does make driving a lot easier. Similarly, the parking assistant is great because it means that you can focus more of your attention on aspects of the parking and pull your foot of the gas at any time to double check that you're still good to go rather than having to do it all at once while maintaining a foot on the brake.

Lane assistance is also rather helpful for when you're doing those head checks to reduce the likelihood of leaving your lane while you're looking.

I'm personally licensed for just about anything that I might care to drive, but having those features helps a lot in terms of the enjoyment of the experience.

My problem is my parents never gave me a chance at 16. They just assumed I would never drive or have a job since I was "autistic". We lived in towns were access to anything via foot was impossible. I was homeschooled and sheltered. Internet wasn't really a thing yet and my mom had to try whatever co-ops she could find. She tried one that was a bunch of mixed aged boys that already knew each other from church. I had no problems with boys as friends but the problem was they already had friends and weren't interested in socializing with a newcomer. Another one she looked into was Christian based and the parents were so strict and cult like they freaked my mom out. And 4H/FFA was NOT an option because my little PETA/ALF future self did *NOT* get along with 4H/FFA kids.

Learning to drive was a very stressful time in my life. My mom was (rightfully) nervous but not hostile like you seem to be describing. Although her nervousness caused me a lot of stress. My driving instructor was a very calm person which I was quite thankful for. I live in a pretty rural part of the US overall so I didn't have to deal with busy city roads or anything like that.
When I took my driving test for the first time the DMV person screamed at me because I stopped at a blinking yellow light. Honestly him yelling at me in that situation was pretty justified as I could have caused a crash although keeping my composure after that incident was tough and I was holding back tears on the way home. I hate that this memory replays every time I am at a blinking yellow light... Obviously I failed the test but my second time taking the test went better and I passed.
When I got my license all my family members were asking if I am excited to have "freedom" and that I can "go where ever I want now" and I wasn't excited I was just glad the stress was over lol. The first time I drove alone it felt like a weight was lifted. Driving is so much less stressful when nobody is sitting in the passenger seat watching your every move and stressing you out. I still wish I didn't have to drive at all but oh well.
OP it sounds like you could really use a different instructor. That instructor seriously needs some composure for a "professional". I wish learning to drive wasn't so dependent on your parental figures because some parents suck and it sounds like your mother is nothing but a hindrance to your progress as a driver. I don't really have any advice to offer but I hope it works out.