How much do/have you pretend(ed) to be NT/non AS?

Post Reply New Topic

It depends on what you do. I drive a truck. I have very little human interaction. Thank God. I can be wierd, and work. The only issue with that is it's very stressfull, and I have a stress disorder due to being a victim in an terrorist attack. So back to school.

But I mean those who keep saying on so many threads "if people don't like me, it's their loss". I know that for me, if people don't like me, it's MY loss. I get fired, salary never updated, pushed to leave, isolated and not knowing what's going on, noone to turn to for help, etc.

I used to try to be like everyone else when I was a kid. I'd copy their behavior and I wanted to have the same clothes as them and I pretend to hate thse kind of school buses that had green seats because everyone else hated them. I thought being like everyine else would get everyone to like me and they would stop making fun of me and accept me in their group and I be normal.
I would also hang out with my friends on the playground as they talk and I just stand there as they talk. Then they started to tell me to go away so I be alone.
I started to talk about my obsessions only once to people when I was 15 and then not talk to them again and only talk to them when they talked to me. When I was 17 I found out I can still talk about my obsessions as long as I want as long as I do it to different people, not to the same ones I've already asked about or talked to about.
I think I also fool people into thinking I can read between the lines because I learn their steps and their moves like they say something and I misunderstand because they tell me what they meant when they said this so I make a memo in my head next time they say bla bla bla, do this bla bla bla too.
When I sit out in social occasions I have exucses like "The music is too loud so I am sitting over here" and about me not being with people I say "I'm not interested in being with people"
When I am with my family and with people I try not to stim as much and flap my hands when nervous or excited. I do different stimming instead like playing with my fingers or messing with whatever I have in my hand.
I think I have my own parents fooled what i am really like because I act different around them. It's just natural for me. I don't force myself, my feelings change in me when they are around. If I feel real comfortable with someone, then I show my real self.

This is exactly what I have been wondering
I would love not to try so hard at work to be like the nts. I do not even know how they find out something to do with body language i suppose and then they will all gang up on me. I can't just quite as I have to pay my bills.

I've spent most of my life trying to fit in, but that's not because I was pretending to be NT - it was because I didn't know I was an Aspie, i thought I was just strange and awkward, and if I just tried a little bit harder I could make friends and get invited out just like everybody else.

Knowing I'm an Aspie hasn't really made that much difference, except that I'm happier because I'm more relaxed. Now if I say something odd in a conversation and get that "??????" look, I don't beat myself up about it because I know why it happened. I have a job where I work with one other person, the farmer, who is one of the rare people I click with and who can talk the hind leg off the proverbial donkey; all I have to do is keep my head down, do a job I love and grunt occasionally to show I'm still "online".

So I suppose I do occasionally try and pretend to be NT, but I don't sweat it like I used to.

I've always 'gotten by' at work, but I've never really fit in. If I'm feeling *very* high energy, I can smile and be friendly, but most of the time doing so is painful. I do get a lot of negative feedback because I don't usually smile, etc.

Now that I know that NTs are probably genuinely hard-wired differently than me, I don't feel as negatively towards them: they can't help it that they are generally illogical, can tell casual untruths, and gossip. I still have a problem with the politics, though: the office back-stabbing, etc. It's one thing to put out a little extra effort to make NTs more comfortable, but to successfully compete in the political game I would not only have to put out the effort but be dishonorable and illogical and psychologically filthy as well. I don't want to lower myself to that level, but I suffer for it.

I don't like to stand out, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm trying to be a NT. I'm just limiting myself on what I'll say and do when I'm in public to limit the amount of attention I get. It's only ever bad attention anyway.

It's so easy to pretend to be NT do it all the time.