Difficultly understanding jokes?

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It's only a joke, if it's funny for both of the parties.

Oh, goodness, YES!! !

I can tell jokes quite well, and straightforward jokes I get and enjoy. But jokes about me, or teasing, or "pulling my leg"...forget it! I usually can't tell whether they mean what they're saying or not, so I sort of give this little half smile because I don't know how to react, and then people think I can't take a joke. On occasion, I've also had people going, "ooh - look at that face..." and then telling me to lighten up.

I guess it's because we can't read the subtleties of body language and intonation that would tell us how we're supposed to take it?

We keep trying to teach our 11 year old about jokes and sarcasm and how to be funny. Our family is big into joking and teasing and having a sense of humor. It helped our 21 year old out a lot -- he's always had this wicked, strange sense of humor that kids did not get when he was younger, but found hilarious in late high school and especially so now in college.

Our 11 year old, though, is like most AS people, in that he takes things too literally to understand why they are funny. He doesn't like to tease because he thinks it's unkind. He can take teasing, but I think that's mostly because he doesn't understand that it could be viewed as hurtful. We keep trying to keep up the teasing (to each other AND to him) so that he won't be hurt if it happens at school (so far, I don't think it has -- people are pretty nice at his school). He is JUST NOW beginning to tease his sister, and when he does (and she is 16 years old, VERY sarcastic, and can take his teasing well) we applaud and make a big deal out of it. But he used to refuse to tease her or say anything bad about her in the past because "he loved her too much."

Kind of makes you wonder why us NT's are trying to teach a kid to do bad stuff like teasing. I guess we just want him to be able to survive the NT world.

Kris

Joking... Hmm, well maybe I'm not with Asperger's because I can figure out a joke most of the time. Some jokes have to do with wording having dual meanings or a word having a similar sound used in a different context, such as "heard" being used to mean "herd". The reasoning for it being funny is that it's supposed to make you think they are saying one thing and then in realization that they are really saying another. That joke doesn't seem really funny though, because it throws the context too much with the "I" before the word makes it particularly difficult to understand the alternate spelling. The wording would have to be given in a different way so that it's easier to understand. Not sure how though. Some jokes over-exaggerate situations that are uncomfortable, but since you know they are false it's more a relief in a way that it's not real in a way. The biggest problem is context. Unfortunately, I'm not good at that most of the time. For instance, you have to take into account sensitive issues in the society and the people that are around you, but that's not really that easy all the time unless you know the people well. Hmm, basically, most jokes are just a play on words. Here is one: "How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?" It starts like many other light bulb jokes in that it asks for a number and hints that something is amiss already since flies are too small to turn a light bulb, so the audience would respond "I don't know" which is a usual response for these jokes even if you think you may know the response. The answer can be complicated though. The answer or punchline to this 'simple' joke is "two, but first you have to get them in there!" The first part is a number, which is expected, since the joke is asking for a number. The second part is really the joke part of it. It requires you to re-evaluate the question since the answer is suggesting that the flies have to be inside of the light bulb to 'screw in' the bulb. The key lies in trying to find multiple meanings that weren't realized when you first heard the joke. In this case, the 'screw in' part means something else besides turning it to put it in a socket. 'Screw' is slang for 'have sex', so the original question changed to "How many flies does it take to have sex in a light bulb?" The 'funny' comes in two parts. It purposely makes you think it's asking something else and then uses a different meaning that you didn't expect, the second part is what they call 'potty humor'. I'm not sure how to explain that just yet...

The difficulty with humor is one of the AS traits that I seem to not have at all, although others are extreme or undeniable. I am often told I should be a comedian.

I usually have very teasing relationships with those I'm close to. At the beginning of new friendships I usually wind up offending the person, and then I have to take them aside and apologize and explain that such comments are second nature to me and generally only occur with people I genuinely connect with. I ask them at what point the teasing becomes hurtful to them, and if there are any things they would like me not to tease them about, and then adjust my attitude with them accordingly. But the people I am closest to - we make jokes at each others' expenses all the time! In fact, it's an integral part of my communication with my dad, who is known for his cheerful humor and, unfortunately, love of "groaners."

I also make a TON of jokes at my own expense, but they're usually engineered to actually ease people's interactions with me. They manipulate people to either ignore my faults or embrace them.

I am something of an absurdist, so to speak - my humor is more along the lines of Monty Python than Chris Rock. I don't find South Park very funny (in general), but am a huge fan of surreal cartoons like Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Family Guy, and Futurama. I *love* jokes that "trick" the listener. Jokes with very long and detailed build-up that culminate in a single - usually lame - pun. Those are the best! I laugh just thinking about them. I think it's a wonderful feeling, because you become so engrossed in all the details subconsciously trying to decide where the joke is going, only to be blindsided by a completely unforseen punch line different in tone than the set up. Strangely, these are the jokes that NTs seem to dread and hate! They laugh, but it's more of a "omg I'm gonna kill you lol" kind of laugh, whereas I'm just purely pleased. And I can enjoy these jokes over and over because I get sucked into the details again, even when I know what the punchline is. I suspect this may be an ASD vs. NT thing, because the NTs, having heard the joke once, do not get caught up in the setup because they already know it and recognize it.

Like a lot of AS symptoms, this was a big problem for me during childhood, but I've been able to adapt later in life.

I use a lot of self-deprecating humour to try to put people at ease. I try to cause as little offense as I can. However...

During high school I was kind of halfway there with some really extreme effects because of the transitional period. I used a lot of very dark humour back then (I was bullied and had teen angst and stuff, you know how it is) and some of the things I said were shocking. I'd even say disturbing to a lasting extent. But there were some who could see the wit of the things I said, and the complexity of thought that can be layered into humour.

This sort of thing was also good in verbal self defence, where someone tried to intimidate or belittle me. I could call on inner resources that most people didn't have, saying really cutting and cruel things that would stick in most peoples throats. I could say these sorts of things without hesitation, because I basically didn't understand the gravity of what I was saying and the ramifications of the concepts I came up with.

I thought I was just keeping up with what they said about me. Looking back on it, I can see I probably caused a bit of emotional damage of my own.

[with deeply depressed voice:] "It's not that I don't get jokes, I just think they're stupid - I mean... 'why did the chicken cross the road?'... you can't answer that, it's pure speculation!" (Sad Robot)

This makes me think... the typical (what I've branded as) Cruel Humour that's so popular on TV is probably why my Jr. High life was so miserable. A lot of what I may have lumped as "cruelty" or "bullying" may have simply been idiots trying to be funny like on TV. Most people seem to enjoy it - and therefore think I'm unintelligent and slow because I "just don't get it".

Im not very good wid jokes n me understandin of jokes isn't very good either infact if ppl r makin jokes i don't really listen 2 dem cos im not really in 2 dat ting.

I grew up in a family where playful teasing is a sign of affection. Though I did not take the teasing well as a child, I have had lots of years of experience now. I have learned how to tease and be teased in a playful and friendly manner, however, I ONLY tease people I'm confortable with. I would never tease someone I didn't have a good sense of how they would take it. Most of my friends know that I tease out of affection and anyone who has met my family knows where I learned it from.

There are many other forms of humor though that I don't get. One especially is the "just kidding" joke. That's when someone acts all serious that something is wrong (usually something you did) and then they will say "just kidding". I HATE that kind of humor. It literally gives me an anxiety attack and then when they let you in on the joke you feel like a complete fool.

-Rae

I used to get the "I'm just messing with you" a lot. It wasn't that I didn't understand that they were joking. I just didn't know how to respond to it. Also didn't help when it wasn't funny at all.

I'm very slow at catching jokes. People usually interpret this as me having no personality or no sense of humor. If I'm in a group setting, like a class, I usually laugh when I see others laugh -- it's the only way I know that a joke has been told, most times. I guess I just mimic people rather than actually understand what's going on.

Conversely, when I try to make jokes, people rarely understand them or find them funny -- at least not in the same way that I do. It makes me not want to talk at all, ever. Not IRL, not online, not here. I hate communicating with others.