Did you feel naive?

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Naw, u r not that old, I wonder what the median age is on here? Perhape a topic thread should be made? I am a decade younger, and I 2 remember those black floppy disks that held all of .9MB or somethin like that? How the times have changed...

Anyways, while growing up all the way to collage I was very niave about many things. It struck me hard 1 day at the age of 18, i just started collage, and me and my buddies were at their house partying, their father was their and during a conversation and i cant even remember what it was he stated that I was a grown man who was 'still learning'?!

WTF!?

Indeed, our stories are similar, very ASD related, and it does seem to get better with age, now im 25 and feel im on par with my other peers.

A teacher (NT) once told me that our self-image (how we see ourselves presently) is 2-4 years behind how we present ourselves and how internalize ourselves now. Thus how we are now is how we will see ourselves in 2-4 years.

Now, 3 years after leaving university, I feel like I'm starting to understand and notice what was going on 5-9 years ago in high school; kind of like I'm just now ready to go University.

The strange thing is the situations that i felt awkward in 8 years ago, lets say a conversation, makes sense now. I couldn't tell you what was said then but I remember the words location and situation now as if it were a contemporary event. Like my subconscious picked up what was going on but there was a time discrepancy and it didn't relay it to my consciousness until now.

I remember talking with my teacher about this in my final year of high school and saying that I was just starting to notice and experience the feelings and emotions my classmates were feeling when we were in elementary school. He only inferred that I was somehow mistaken and naive.

Now I am trying to catch up on what I was supposed to be learning and feeling in University. It is frustrating and I am wondering how many people here work with some sort of therapist or social coach to try and develop and process their thoughts, feelings and social interactions?

I'm glad to know I am not alone in this. I do feel I have a pretty good knowledge of what things are and what they mean, thanks to the movies (and like everyone has been saying: Wikipedia!), but I have no personal experience with them...

I'm American, but I am studying in London, so I spend most of the year there. Going into my second year now and I love it. I love all you Brits, too - I find it's easier to fit in in England for some reason.

Btw I hope you were asking me that question and not someone else...Naive here! Or just ignorant, I guess... Could "OP" be "Original Post"???

Adrie: Of course I was asking you! 'OP' means "original poster" in this context - you, in other words.

Ah, London. I've only ever been there a few times. I find it to be big and frightening and the people unfriendly but to each their own. I'm glad to see you like the British - too many people who come and stay here seem to despise us.

Learning from your experiences is good. I find learn from what others do sometimes so that always helps.

I can see what you mean about the people being unfriendly, but that can be a plus if you want to spend the day roaming the city on your own, undisturbed...

And the great thing about uni is that most of the students are not FROM London, they are from other parts of England and the world. But even the Londoners I've met are much less aggressive than Americans.

Anyway, nice to meet another Brit! Or correspond with another Brit, in this case...

My friend has told me I'm like a 10 year old in a 25 year olds body.

It seems like as I was growing up I would be 2-4 years behind everyone else with certain "rites of passage"

I agree. Different people have more experience in different areas of life. It's normal.

I know I may have limited knowledge of dealing with people (especially in formal situations, which I am frankly quite reluctant to enter because there is something frightening about them), as I have never had a straight nine-to-five job and am still living with my mother. I may also be unaware of many social issues simply because they don't interest me and have no direct relevance to my life, or those of my family and friends. On the other hand, I've had plenty of inner experience connected with experiencing strong emotions and learning to cope with them and accept them - I know this may not sound like a "real" thing, because it's all hidden inside and not readily visible, but it is important nevertheless. My constant use of imagination to construct scenarios and work through various possible situations and the feelings one might experience in them has probably helped, too. As a result, throughout my twenties I have been more comfortable with myself and with how things are going than most of my peers. I have also managed to form strong attachments to several people and to attain a level of intimacy in sharing feelings which I am thankful about now. So I guess it's a nice balance between what I know and don't know.

My style of communication could be called "naive", I suppose - I lack distance, sometimes more so than the majority of extroverts I've met (though I tend to be a lot calmer and quieter than them). Even when I don't talk much, there's this general openness I feel towards others on some very basic level - a willingness to readily share my own feelings, and to receive theirs without trying to erect any kind of barrier between us. I treat pretty much everyone this way, regardless of their social position, and usually don't try to play any of the roles that are supposed to go with a certain type of social interaction. In an odd way, this is part of what makes me feel like an alien - I can sense that the people around me interact differently, that they change, try on different masks depending on who they are talking to, while I do not and essentially treat everybody in the same manner. It's an almost tangible sensation, sometimes.

This makes things difficult for me sometimes, but it is not something I would want to lose. I feel the openness is something to be cherished, only I have to learn to use it in the right way. It may make superficial contacts harder because I tend to go "in depth" too soon, but on the other hand it makes deeper communication easier, and this is much more important for me. It also has this special sense of integrity attached to it that fortifies one's sense of self. When one wears masks too much, they tend to grow into one's skin, and then after ten or twenty years have passed, one can no longer tell which is which, and who one really is. So I feel it is better to always have a clear sense of who one is, and to never even attempt to be something other than that, then one will never run the risk of losing oneself in such a way, and it is also fairer towards other people. There is some fundamental honesty in it.

The only thing I feel I ought to work on is developing at least a minimal sense of distance so that I become less susceptible to pressure and abuse. As a child and teen, I was very vulnerable due to my openness, and practically anybody could hurt me, including my own parents. I have been trying to change this, and have managed to become calmer and to distance myself somewhat from negative impact like shouting/blaming/unjust criticism etc., so that I no longer take it so close to heart. But I feel there is still some way to go with that. I'm also not comfortable with my tendency to share things that could be considered too personal with people I hardly know, or don't know at all; I feel it's wrong and ought to be changed, so I've been working on this.

"Naive" can be good in some ways. I find that thanks to me being naive, I have less interest in social interaction, love affairs, gossip (i think i don't like others and they may think i'm not fit for their complicated society). therefore, i have more time to spend on studying and interest and i am usually successful in most classes. sadly, it seems to just push me away from the rest who seems to be more balanced between play and work. (all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy). My work is also involved with dealing with a good number of people, and i've just realized today that I must be both close enough to satisfy them and far enough to protect myself from being hurt. I think it's quite hard b/c i'm not used to think about those methods or aware of the context in social interaction; i'm more comfortable working with books, information etc. I guess I must try anyway, though I may fail at least I know how bad i really am. I do hope these are just common probs that anyone must suffer from in a certain period of their life and not really aspie-related.

I vascillate between trusting too much and not trusting at all. I am naive in many respects and in others very hip. It's hard to BS me, but I will believe a hard luck story. I give the person the benefit of the doubt.