I share a similar predicament, but not so severe: -
I'm often thinking that, if I get into a relationship with girl I like, it will eventually fail and then... what? lol
I also get to thinking that her cheating is something possible but this is most likely paranoid delusion...
I also have funny pride in me... I find it hard to trust girls... I often feel bitter.
I often get caught up in the 'dog eat dog' thing and I'm thinking that because of my aspergers I have a heap of pressure on my shoulders and I got one epic task to achieve...
I need a psychological booster I think...
I feel for you buddy... sounds like a beast of a thing to go through. If you wanna talk about anything at all, pm me dude. *thumbsup*
What you posted is 99% in concert with my own thoughts and feelings. It is a bit reassuring to know someone in a similar predicament is in the same category as myself.